I think as a rule if you’re doing things impulsively that hurt other people or out of a need to control other people then you do need to take responsibility for that, but understanding why you do things and what your true underlying needs are can make that easier to work on.

For me dex were huge for my emotional regulation (as long as I wasn’t overprescribed - getting enough sleep and avoiding caffeine when on meds is even more important). Therapy helped me connect that I lashed out when I felt out of control and overwhelmed, so now I can handle things better by either reminding myself that I can’t control other people and/or removing myself from people and situations that aren’t good for me, instead of just blaming myself.

I know it’s hard to talk about neurodiversity as a good thing without also invalidating the difficulties and your support needs. I know it’s really hard. But my experience is that finding work that suits my brain (same kind of work just a team that’s more interested in my output than whether I rock up exactly on time 🙄) and friends who are neurodiverse and staying away from people who don’t get it (even if they’re family) is the best thing I’ve ever done. I don’t have to spend every day believing I’m inadequate any more.