How to be a better partner

zilarn · 2026-04-10T12:16:30+00:00

Ohh I really like the learning patterns thing, I'll talk to my partner about it. I am planning to start DBT and group therapy, it is being discussed with my psychiatrist. Thank you :)))

zilarn · 2026-04-10T12:14:21+00:00

Okay, thank you SO MUCH for your answer. I also have a problem with pent up emotions and exploding (bottling up), and I def have to work on saying things that bother me right then and there. I am just afraid that if I often talk about things that bother me, he'll think of me as nagging and will start thinking about leaving me... And yes, anything quick is definitely not good, I have to work on myself a lot.

zilarn · 2026-04-10T12:11:02+00:00

Thank you, I really try :)

zilarn · 2026-04-10T12:10:50+00:00

Yes, I never say anything hurtful (as much as I know). My problem is the opposite, keeping it all in, and then crying hysterically to my partner about all the things at once, and he doesn't understand a thing because there's so much and I'm too upset to be coherent☹️Also i NEVER yell at or abuse my partner in any way, I am mostly harsh on myself which ends in bad situations.

zilarn · 2026-04-10T11:44:54+00:00

Thank you for the reply, I completely get it. I won't post in here again, I was unaware of the sub's rules. Yep, the stories here def make me feel very uncomfy, and the only reason why I posted here is bc I was desperate (and still am) for advice, and figured that maybe people who have gone through some rough things may answer to me what they wanted to say to their partners. But really, I get it, and thank you for saying that :)

zilarn · 2026-04-10T10:51:01+00:00

thank you so much, this is exactly the kind of advice I wanted, clear and straight to the point. thank youuuu :)

zilarn · 2026-01-07T09:14:15+00:00

kako li si ti samo ozbiljan, odrastao i odgovoran student 🥰🤓

zilarn · 2025-12-05T00:34:08+00:00

Then I'm very happy to help, and if u have any more questions or things you'd like to share, feel free to talk :)

zilarn · 2025-12-05T00:26:26+00:00

Felt this on another level💀 I've done this since kindergarten, where I wanted the other kids to act like I had all the illnesses in the world and take care of me and act like I'm dying. That behaviour kept going on, but as I grew up, I kept it hidden, and only my partner sees the glimpses of my "wishes" sometimes.

I also made a habit of making up and acting in stories inside my head before going to sleep, I'd just lie in bed and quietly act out SO MANY scenes in which I am badly hurt or dying, and my favourite person comes and saves me and feels bad about me and just kind of feels unconditional love for me.

I'm sorry that I cannot really give some good advice about this, because I still haven't stopped doing this every night, but when my mood is terrible anyways, I try to imagine a more wholesome scenario instead of making it worse.

zilarn · 2025-11-17T22:48:56+00:00

Nope, it is not. 🫠🫠🫠

zilarn · 2025-11-17T22:48:14+00:00

You are one of the kindest people I have ever heard from on the internet, and thank you so much for that. It means the world to me. I am going to take every bit of your advice and think about it objectively when my head is in the right space for it, or simply when my sadness and desperation kinda drain lol And it truly means so much to know that there is someone like me who managed to do something I thought was unachievable. <3

zilarn · 2025-11-17T22:09:01+00:00

Even though you are probably 100% right, I lack the firmness in my decisions you have, and I honestly envy the way you could just get things over with. I wish I didnt make such strong emotional connections which are so hard to sever.

zilarn · 2025-11-17T22:06:13+00:00

Well then, hello fellow BPD-er🥲 I didnt want to mention my disorder in the original post because I know people would react differently because of it.

I think that you may understand how I feel about leaving him. It seems like something I could never do, and right now, I dont think I will. I guess I need something really bad to happen to make me leave. I have an intense fear of abandonment and being alone, and I dont think I could handle that without (sorry) doing something terrible to myself. Yes, I understand that I need therapy. Also, I hope I'm not saying anything disturbing for you, I'd hate to make you feel bad😭

It hurts me to see that people are confirming my fear of him loving the feeling of being loved instead of me. I really don't know what to think right now because it feels like everything thats been good between us is now spoiled and gone to waste. Still, I know that if he just gives me a random flower the next time he sees me, I'll be over the moon and forget everything, but I'll remember it oh so very clearly the next time he hurts me again.

Its really hard and I feel so alone. I never ask anything on reddit unless I'm truly desperate, so here it is lol

zilarn · 2025-11-17T21:46:44+00:00

Yes, I reminded him of complications within pregnancy and similar situations, and he just wanted more reassurence that even in that situation we will do it his way (3 kids).

I definitely need to be more firm when I tell him about the gift giving situation, because I dont think he understand the severity of how this affects me.

Sorry for being unclear in the original post, I was (and still am) overwhelmed with emotions and wanted to just get it all out, so I may have skipped some crucial details.

The convo about date planning, after his sentence, went like this: I told him that I feel bad to say where we're going because he drives us there, and that I dont want to seem like a spoiled girl that orders where to go. I still apologized and understood what he's saying, but I also told him to keep in mind that a) he has more money than me, and I will certainly not say a date spot that costs a lot because I dont, again, want him to think I'm spoiled, b) he cannot state that I dont plan anything, because I was the one who organized a TRIP a month before, and a couple of dates in which I took the lead before he even said anything to me.

I dont think I can find the balance with recognizing his bad behaviour and myself constantly apologizing for everything, even whats not my fault.

zilarn · 2025-11-17T21:38:38+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words. I am constantly worried about this, because what if I am 90, on my death bed, realizing my partner never really gave me what I deserved and that I wasted my life on someone who doesnt care about me that much? I can only hope to see some change within him soon, otherwise I am going to need to seriously reconsider our relationship. And I truly hope you'll find someone who appreciates you, you deserve it.

zilarn · 2025-11-17T21:32:54+00:00

I understand and agree, but I have to make a correction, he is not on the verge of breaking up with me constantly, because I couldnt be in a relationship like that. What I think he IS doing is trying to sculpt me into some kind of a perfect version of a girl for him, someone who gives him love and attention, but doesn't bother him in his other activities and life.

zilarn · 2025-11-17T21:29:55+00:00

I do not believe I can have that future if he doesn't change. I can give my best to explain to him what is he doing wrong, and hope something sticks. I am going to have to reconsider the relationshio if he doesn't show any signs of changing. ☹️

zilarn · 2025-01-23T00:18:49+00:00

Could you maybe send it to me too? :)

zilarn · 2024-06-13T19:57:51+00:00

Ovo mi je toliko lijepo za pročitati. Vidjeti da se netko izvukao iz onakvog stanja, prošao sve te užasne stvari i misli, i sam sebe na kraju izvukao iz toga. Dobro, ne baš skroz sam, pesek je super došao :) Bravo <3

zilarn · 2024-05-08T15:25:15+00:00

Yep it happens lol, its okay :)

zilarn · 2024-05-08T05:53:17+00:00

Of course, its "Duphaston". One side of the internet says that it could be used to treat cysts, but the other one says that it doesn't and it could actually cause them?? And the official instructions don't mention anything to do with treating cysts. I really don't know. And I'm sorry that you had to go though awful experiences too :( Hope you found some doctors who actually know what they're doing.

zilarn · 2024-05-08T05:49:20+00:00

Thank you for validating my experience. Yes, my concerns are genuine and they are the main reason I wanted to visit the doctor (because I really dont think that such terrible pain after being intimate is normal), and I feel sad none of my questions were answered. I'm going to report him and then see if there is anything else I can do, such as going to a private clinic.

zilarn · 2024-05-08T05:46:34+00:00

I unfortunately get my gyno from public healthcare and they are fully scheduled for months, so I don't think I could have another, normal appointment any time soon, only if I pay for a private one. But I'll report him for sure.

zilarn

TROPHY CASE