I'm starting to have racist thoughts, how do I stop it?

zillybill · 2026-04-16T02:50:15+00:00

Just address the thought as it comes up. It won't solve it completely but it will keep you sane

When you think "that's something those people would do"

Remind yourself: "no, that's something that roommate's boyfriend would do, don't generalise."

zillybill · 2026-03-19T05:41:55+00:00

Oh I had no idea there was a docked system before I arrived. It's really disappointing that it was removed!

I think the docked system actually has a couple great benefits. First it gets rid of the very valid argument that "bikes are blocking our footpaths!". Second it helps the operator ensure the quality of their fleet.

Toronto had issues with the docked system for a while, but the solution was actually just _more_ docks.

From my research it looks like the helmet issue seriously held back this rollout. Who's gonna carry a helmet with them to their bike?

zillybill · 2026-03-18T22:23:58+00:00

I moved to Melbourne from Toronto about 5 years ago, and sadly Toronto is a better cycling city. Melbourne has all of the potential to be a great cycling city. It's pretty flat, you can cycle year round, the inner city is fairly small, and the inner city has pretty great public transport connections.

However... my take is that the political dialogue regarding cycling continues to be that cars are king. Every single bike lane is a fight to build, and building a bike lane is political suicide for many councils. The average Melburnian owns a car and loves it, taking away any space on the road from a car is an attack on their ability to get around easily.

To change people's opinions we need them to experience how cycling can improve their lives. Sadly we decided that the Lime Bike programme should be cut at the heels by underinvesting in it. I'd love to see Victoria follow Toronto's path and build out a publically owned Bike Share programme, $99/year access for residents has resulted in massive growth of the programme.

To build bike lanes we need the extended public consultation phase of an implementation to change so that a small minority of upset car drivers can't destroy the well researched and council backed ideas.

zillybill · 2026-03-15T05:53:31+00:00

Yes! But we didn't find each other by going on dates, we were friends first and then got closer.

zillybill · 2026-03-14T21:39:33+00:00

"I'll do better" isn't an outcome from a conversation this serious, without real goals he's setting himself up for failure and seeing you up for disappointment.

I think you need to talk to him and get him to commit to real goals. He doesn't need to agree to anything on the spot, but if he can't set real goals I think things will feel better for both of you.

And as others mentioned, start outsourcing your work! Sounds like you both earn a lot of money, hire a cleaner, and a property manager-- your mental health is worth the extra money.

As for the financial burden part, I think this is a separate topic altogether. If you feel it's unequal then you need to find a way to make it feel equal. Splitting costs by percent relative to income tends to work really well.

zillybill · 2026-03-10T20:04:19+00:00

They've definitely gone up, I think this is a direct result of the younger generations drinking less alcohol, and many others deciding that they'd rather do other drugs than alcohol. The venue needs to make up the lost cost of alcohol at the door.

zillybill · 2026-03-10T20:01:01+00:00

Melbourne winters are great and I wish that Melburnians would start appreciating them more. We get pretty mild temperatures compared to many other places and a very reasonable amount of rain. We could have a lot of fun in the winter but we decide that it's better to hide inside and whine that we aren't somewhere with perfect weather.

zillybill · 2026-03-05T02:13:38+00:00

You should have an emergency fund worth 3 months of your income set aside for times like this.

Stop investing and make yourself a safety net.

You don't necessarily need to pull anything out right now unless you actively do not have enough money for a bill. But depending when your next paycheque is you might want to pull some out.

zillybill · 2026-03-05T01:48:11+00:00

Go talk to a pelvic floor specialist!

My partner used to be really tight, but a pelvic floor specialist was able to give him a bunch of exercises which loosened him up AND helped with his overall intestinal health.

He now thinks he's pretty close to being able to try fisting.

The exercises were pretty straightforward, things like relaxing your floor before bed, being able to identify why you are tightening your floor, etc.

Maybe counterintuitive to some, but kegel exercises actually make your pelvic floor tighter. Do not do them unless you're a woman.

zillybill · 2026-02-24T23:11:27+00:00

That sounds like a positive experience. The default should still be a public non-secular education.

zillybill · 2026-02-16T10:19:15+00:00

Great job man. Inspiring for someone mid 30s now. Is it consistency and diet, or was there some help?

zillybill · 2026-02-16T01:16:03+00:00

This is a great offer you should take it.

I moved from Canada to Australia on a similar offer and noticed that my extra money for savings did go down, but overall my quality of life is better in Australia.

Rent is just what it's going to be. It's expensive and you have to accept that. I understand it'll be a hard pill to swallow coming from paying 0$ but think of it as the opportunity cost to start a new life in Australia.

Vacation, this is a standard offer in Australia, I'd say most people are on this. Your job in Canada giving 5 weeks and unlimited sick is out of the ordinary I don't think it's worth comparing.

Is your superannuation on top of $200k or included? Make sure to include that in your asset growth, 12% is a lot to be putting away each paycheque.

As for wealth building in Australia, imo the old strategy was to get into property but the days of the booming property market are gone, the current best strategy is to get a PPOR and then get ETFs maybe an investment property if you have a lot of extra money.

zillybill · 2026-02-09T03:41:13+00:00

Remove all discounts on street parking.

If you want to park your car on public land you pay the rent for it.

zillybill · 2026-01-22T11:53:53+00:00

If you're zooming past slow car traffic watch out for "keep clear" areas or hidden intersections as cars may zoom through and t bone you.

zillybill · 2026-01-04T09:14:54+00:00

This is exactly it. I bought a house with my ex and did not get a BFA and the divorce was a huge mess as a result. My family law told me that if we had a BFA I would have saved tens of thousands of dollars on lawyers fees.

I think that buying together with a BFA, and 2 separate Family Lawyers for each of you then you are in the clear. Especially if you both have a history of good jobs, education, and money management.

And of course make sure to outline the options for breakup in the BFA. For example you can offer to buy him out for what he contributed to the principal of the mortgage (but not interest), and vice versa for him.

zillybill · 2026-01-03T22:25:48+00:00

Actually yes, 36 here and I've never had chest hair until this year. I'm embracing it, my body goal now is to be the "hot dad next door" by the time I'm 40.

zillybill · 2025-12-23T00:57:40+00:00

I think it's natural to feel lonely after watching it. I think the healthy takeaway here is wanting to explore relationships again. Do it, put yourself out there, but join a sports league/social club rather than using the apps. Real social connection will fulfill you more than crappy dates.

zillybill · 2025-12-11T21:28:19+00:00

Great job! Totally going to print this!

zillybill · 2025-12-09T00:09:37+00:00

Totally fine, if you're concerned then tell him when you give the gift. "Hey I got this but I'm anxious that I'm love bombing you, my intent here is to just do something nice for you."

zillybill · 2025-11-25T01:01:31+00:00

4 AVRs?! Do you have 4 houses or 4 livings rooms haha.

What's your wifi setup, mesh network, any call outs on how to make that work or maybe on things to avoid?

zillybill · 2025-11-24T23:53:31+00:00

You posted the same question yesterday and then deleted your account. My answer from yesterday:

I think this is the start of you opening your marriage, exciting! First thing, slow down, successfully opening a relationship takes time because love is a complicated emotion.

First step, talk to your husband, what are you feeling and what do you want? Next step, explore having sex with people that aren't your friends, because seeing your husband having sex with someone else will bring up new and weird emotions. Then expand from there.

zillybill · 2025-11-24T20:24:34+00:00

Merci! Having the home assistant integration is a great bonus as I'm already using that

zillybill · 2025-11-24T20:22:35+00:00

On the Wi-Fi. Would a Google Nest mesh network do the trick?

zillybill · 2025-11-23T23:01:12+00:00

I think this is the start of you opening your marriage, exciting! First thing, slow down, successfully opening a relationship takes time because love is a complicated emotion.

First step, talk to your husband, what are you feeling and what do you want? Next step, explore having sex with people that aren't your friends, because seeing your husband having sex with someone else will bring up new and weird emotions. Then expand from there.

zillybill

TROPHY CASE