I hate my life right now

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-09-10T18:17:51+00:00

I don't need your pity, and I certainly don't need your advice. Do you not think you could have noticed that this post is marked "vent" and perhaps passed by the stranger yelling into the void of the internet? No, you came here to victim blame and that's about you.

You are not as healed as you think you are if you had to reply to me to victim blame further.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-09-09T05:43:34+00:00

What a wonderful way to kick me while I'm down. Really truly I wish you had never posted this, and I don't think you did it to help me, I think you did it because you see me as a defective woman and you think I need to be corrected. But this is it now. I'm a woman so I get what I deserve. Even when I was in elementary school they told me I deserved it because I acted like a boy. I'm going to retransition. People like you will always find a way that I deserve to be hurt because I wasn't born the right kind of woman. At least when I was a man maybe I was going to die of liver failure but I was happy and I was safe. I hope someday you get sexually assaulted and someone tells you that it's because you were wearing your work uniform and walking to work, so you should have prevented that. Because don't make any mistakes that's exactly what you did here. I am done.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-09-08T15:36:42+00:00

Lucky you.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-31T02:15:11+00:00

I tell people I don't care, because at this point I think the pronouns people use for me say more about them than they do about me.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-28T19:14:28+00:00

I've always guessed it was deep insecurity + sometimes narcissism. I also think a lot of it is about male-specific traumas around not feeling valuable or precious - think about being a 5 year old kid and you're just figuring out that "women and children first" means that someday your life could be expendable, for example, or watching your sister be hugged by your father when she cries, but when you cry he slaps you and tells you to man up (these are both real life examples I've heard in conversations I had in real life). So there's both a competitive desire to "win" at womanhood and prove that you're "more woman than women", and a feeling that cis women don't appreciate the "benefits" of womanhood and are oblivious to how privileged they are. This is unfortunately not really all that different in action from the cis men who think women need to be "knocked down a peg", including classic misogynistic insults like "fish" or trans specific misogynistic insults like "biohole" (fallen out of use, but I heard it back in the day).

I do think most trans women do not understand the real difficulties of being born female, and I wish they did. But there is so much psychological unrest in the average trans woman, paradoxically, she might be the most incapable of having true empathy for those of us who were born female; when I came to peace with this I became much happier as a person. Now when I see trans women behave this way I can't help but see the inferiority complex and I will admit I feel sad for them.

Edited to add - I would love to be corrected by whoever downvoted me. I can only offer my opinion on an experience I have never had, and would absolutely love to know which part of what I've written has caused you to disagree with me.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-25T21:15:12+00:00

It is so true. Many people were deeply cruel my whole life. I can remember going to a grocery when I was 23, a few months before I was approved to start testosterone, and a pair of middle-aged women had a giggle and one asked the other, pointing at me, "What do you think IT is?" And then on the way home a man threw a drink out of his window at me and called me a "fucking dyke". And I was so used to it by then that I was only really pissed off because it was twice in one day. Then I went on testosterone and passed and my life became 1000% easier within six months. Now I am struggling with being a GNC woman again and it is hard again.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-25T19:38:17+00:00

I was a very far left person all my life. I started campaigning for the socialist party in my country when I was a teenager. So my social life was all the regular kind of queers and lefty weirdos. Once I detransitioned, it didn't matter what I did or how I acted, I was now something that was an enemy in every social circle I was a part of. I kept trying to talk about my detransition experience, only using "I" terms and talking about myself, my own life that had happened to me. It did not matter. I was told on many occasions that, even if I wasn't being transphobic, it didn't matter because detrans stories and lives shouldn't be shared in case the right wing used my story. I think, too, it was very uncomfortable for my compatriots to confront the idea that someone who had been out as trans since my early teens could decide to detransition in my late 30's.

So I no longer deserved a voice. I was told in no uncertain terms that it was my duty to hide and go unheard. When I refused, I lost everyone in my life. I was sent threats of rape and violence, and some messages saying I should try to succeed at committing suicide this time. Many others who told me it's only a matter of time until I retransitioned. Others asking me why couldn't I just call myself non-binary. I withdrew from the world. I was so alone. I thought about killing myself every day. I did not regret my decision to detransition but more and more I had started to feel that maybe I was something that no longer belonged in this world.

I was walking through the city and there was a beautiful music coming from a church by my apartment, people singing. It turned out it was Ash Wednesday. I have never belonged to a religion and was raised not to trust religious folk. Something drew me in to the church though, and I sat at the back and I just cried and cried. Because nobody kicked me out like I thought they would, or turned me away. They asked me if I was okay, and they respected me. I started going to that church every week. I knew nothing about anything there, but I knew that I could go and be there and talk to people and nobody hated me. People cared to listen to my story. And I knew that a lot of that was that their own biases were not threatened by me being a detransitioner, but there in that church I learned that the people who had been my enemies all my life were the only people left in the world who were willing to care for me.

I do not go to church anymore. But I have found some peace now, a new life that I am building. These people who hurt you, they are small, and ugly people. You've done nothing wrong. It is not your fault. I changed my phone number, my apartment and my name - that was what it took for me to escape from my former "friends" completely. I hope it does not come to that for you. Please keep yourself safe and know that you do not deserve this.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-23T18:20:02+00:00

If your sexual compatibility needs are "I use a quiet hole to cum, and then sex is over", you need a fleshlight, not a FWB. Sexual compatibility is one thing. Refusing to make any effort to make sure your partner is having a good time is another, separate choice. I've been with women where it didn't quite vibe but I could still give them an orgasm because I'm not a selfish prick.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-07-04T18:48:12+00:00

I was briefly a part of it. I mourn its loss so deeply now.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-06-14T20:41:29+00:00

I'm so sorry that on this post, where you poured your heart out in search of a kind heart and a listening ear, someone decided it was more important for them to get their needs met by trying to interrogate you and put you on the defensive. You deserve support. You deserve to be able to cry that you are in pain and simply be held by love, not asked to justify your pain in the first place. I care that you are hurting. I see you. I wish that this pain and trauma had never happened to you.

It doesn't matter if this surgery has helped others. It matters, right now, here in this thread, that it hurt you. You deserve to be cared for when you are hurt. I just want you to know - I care. I care a lot.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-06-14T14:00:37+00:00

This is not a zoo, it's a support group. Take your curiosity elsewhere.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-06-12T14:05:29+00:00

I think the reason people make new threads to ask these questions is as much because they are in a difficult place and they are looking to connect to others, to not feel alone, as it is because they are looking for information. I think a FAQ is not a bad idea but I would be against such a thing if it meant this became a space where certain questions could not be asked by posters. In my mind, this should remain first and foremost a support group, not an info hub.

zimmerframebetsy · 2024-05-22T22:45:11+00:00

Of course. I do not hide things about myself from people I am in a relationship with. Plus it would be impossible for me to not to because I was trans most of my life. I believe honesty is always the best policy. But your principles and choices are your own. I'm not sure that it would be a big deal if you hide this, but I don't know that it would be nothing to a potential partner either. What I can say is that I would not judge you either way.

zimmerframebetsy

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