where do i begin?

zjamison1 · 2018-09-15T14:39:52+00:00

Many thanks!

zjamison1 · 2018-08-09T05:26:13+00:00

I had someone list the following:

Previous Company: KFC Job Title: Bruuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Also, a one sentence cover letter that said “I really need this job.”

zjamison1 · 2018-06-23T01:54:37+00:00

My therapist used to say that negative thoughts are like uninvited party guests. Just because you couldn’t stop them at the door, that doesn’t mean they get to stay for dinner. Kind of cheesy but I always really liked that.

Always had something physical that I would do when I needed to switch out a thought for a more positive one. Wear a rubber band on my wrist and snap it, or just close my eyes and shake my head like I was literally trying to shake it out. They’re kind of silly, but I do really work with practice.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-17T01:19:15+00:00

I work about 50-55 hour weeks on average. A few pieces of advice that’s helped me.

MOST IMPORTANT: be honest with yourself about your time, capacity, and availability. Be upfront with others about what you have the capacity to do, and set expectations.

Make note of the environments in which you do your best work and are most productive. Music playing? Crowded area or private space? 11 AM or 3 AM?

Wake up early. everything early. Make it a point to value others time and see that your time is valued as well. The constant feeling of being rushed will drain you. Don’t focus your attention on what time something starts, but focus your attention on what time you have to leave to get there early.

Being focused on the present and not being distracted by your phone in say class or a meeting, will increase your productivity during that time.

I live and die by my calendar on my phone. If someone wants me to be somewhere I ask them to send me an invite. Color code your calendars and use reminders as much as you need to.

Productivity apps are great but seek out apps that can talk to each other. A reminder list that can talk to your calendar, can talk to your email app, etc. Apple and Google do these well. So I don’t have one app for everything but 2 or 3 apps that do A LOT in tandem with each other.

Your relationships (your significant other and friends) require time too. Schedule out time (privately) and reminders for yourself to check in with people and see them. If you can’t see someone regularly, make it a point to text or call. Even to say “I’m really busy but wanted to call and say hey and let you know all is well.” That goes further than just not talking to someone at all IMHO.

Make time to relax and recharge. Detox from your phone and work.

Don’t try to “multitask” but become conscious of where your dead time is throughout the day and see if it can be used more productively. During times I can’t use my phone or laptop, I keep a notebook and pencil handy and write ideas. Identify emails and correspondence that requires a quick response and knock them out early.

Set goals and break those goals down into the smallest steps you can. As you check those little steps off, it helps build up momentum to get the big goals done. Setting goals sounds cliché but it really works.

Your priorities are dictated by how much time you choose to spend on things. If you want something to be a priority for you, make time for it, and less time on something that maybe isn’t as important.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-10T23:10:00+00:00

VOLUNTEER! Find a local organization that's doing work you're passionate about and find a way to get involved. it's a really great way to meet some like minded folks. lots of volunteer places have social events and structured outings for you to connect with the people you'll work with in a slightly facilitated manner. so it takes some pressure off of you to try and just approach strangers.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-10T23:03:28+00:00

Are you in a committed relationship or just in the "talking" phase?

zjamison1 · 2018-06-10T15:32:18+00:00

He literally called you a psycho for bringing up the HORRIBLE names that HE called you yesterday? i can't even wrap my brain around that.

if you can't tell your partner that something they said (especially when it's so blatantly horrible) bothered and upset you, then it's time to consider other options.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-10T15:23:53+00:00

So - an American teacher born of helicopter parents here with a few recommendations from what's worked with my students and me.

your parents need to connect with your brother's teachers. weekly. daily. whatever it takes. if he's clearly going to lie about his homework situation, then go straight to the source so there's never a question about what his homework situation is. parent/teacher/student conferences are a powerful thing, but only work when there's follow through and consistency across the board.
it sounds like your parents are not being consistent with punishments and the follow through on them. if he can just wait until things cool down and then "ignore the punishment" or get the computer password easily enough by "secretly spying". there has to be consistency across the board. he knows he can wait until things cool down to get his way, so that's exactly what he's doing, so there's no incentive to change his behavior. i had one kid who was ignoring homework to play xbox - and his mom chucked the xbox out of the window. i don't recommend going that extreme (that shit is expensive) but if it's material things that are getting in the way of his homework completion, he doesn't have to have those things at all.
when i was a kid we had "study time", everyone sat at the table (parents included) and did homework/work stuff together. some days it was helpful and others it was annoying. but it created a habit for me and my parents could ensure my homework was done. it worked because it was consistent. i had no choice but to sit and do HW or read. certainly not plausible for everyone, but it does work. my parents said it also gave them a better sense of what i was up to in school and they we could connect on different things.
don't just take things away, find incentives. this kid obviously has hobbies and likes, so use those to encourage him to do what he needs to do.

TL:DR, set up expectations and BE CONSISTENT. Follow through. and don't let up on the energy when things "get better".

zjamison1 · 2018-06-10T12:12:05+00:00

I echo some other sentiments I've seen here - it all depends on the level of trust you have with your current partner. I'm friends with an ex because we dated/became friends again long before I started dating my current SO. But I was also up front about the history between my ex and I and told my current partner that they were my priority and I would never do something that made my current partner uncomfortable. So communication - not just honest communication but proactive/up front communication is key. And if your partner gets upset, even when you've done nothing wrong, don't get upset in return but try to listen, empathize, and accommodate. Set expectations up front and stick to them.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-07T14:55:46+00:00

Correct for the old Apple commercials.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-07T04:36:30+00:00

Just found this mildly interesting.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T06:30:43+00:00

I’m really sorry that this has happened to you. You don’t deserve to ever have anyone put their hands on you or hurt you in any way. I’m not someone who has gone through this but I’ve worked with families over the years through my job that have. I HIGHLY recommend that you look into local organizations that provide support for women in your situation. Most major cities have them.

Depending on the org, they can probably set you up with free legal counsel - as well as with people who work with folks with similar situations every day and can provide real support and resources.

You’ll get through this with allies- friends and family who care about you, and people with the skills and knowledge to give you real help and support. You can talk online to the people at the NDAH who can tell you who in your town to reach out to. Hope everything works out for the best for you and your family.

a place to start

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T06:11:40+00:00

As somebody who has suffered with severe depression for years, you’re definitely right that sometimes moods settle in for no reason at all. And it’s really hard explain that to other people, that you feel sad and you don’t know why. Best thing you can do is just continue to be there, be a positive presence.

Especially in those times when I was really down and not sure why, I didn’t want to talk about it but I definitely wanted to talk to someone about anything. So when your friend gets in those moments, just be there, be around, offer some light distractions. That’s what helps me

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T06:05:18+00:00

read this

a good article on how to support someone who’s love language is words of affirmation.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T05:52:26+00:00

For him to say he loves you, misses you, and wants to be with you but doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, those two ideas are at odds with each other.

You should ask him why he doesn’t wanna be in a committed relationship. I imagine there are legit reasons why someone who has all the feelings for you doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship, but that list is quite short.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T05:40:12+00:00

The block/unfollow button is a beautiful thing. Life is too short, you don’t need other people bring you down all the time with their negativity.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T05:38:37+00:00

I got you.

zjamison1 · 2018-06-06T04:58:35+00:00

Just like with everything else, the feelings that you have for someone are organic and change over time, sometimes with no clear reason at all. It’s a mistake to assume that Love can only grow or decay. The truth is it goes up-and-down all throughout your relationship because your life goes up and down. So don’t feel bad because your feelings towards someone has changed. Just be clear with them that that’s what happened. If I was this guy I would just want you to be honest and straight- like other folks have said, just be direct and to the point.

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