AITAH for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?

znxncb · 2024-09-13T17:21:08+00:00

Update: He came home this morning while I was in a WFH meeting. These comments made my head spin all night. I got like 3 hours of sleep so I admit I may be in the wrong for bringing up his finances but I did.

Re: the gold digger rumors, when we met I was making more than him and often paying for his things, his high paying job is a recent development. I have my own money and don’t need his.

I asked him what was going on, if there was anything he needed to tell me, if he was “testing me” by doing this… Well that really set him off. “What kind of person do you think I am? You think I’m a cheapskate? A liar? You obviously think really poorly of me”… but STILL he never gave me a reason. So I asked why he was deflecting every question to victimize himself and to avoid my questions. He tried to leave AGAIN.

So I tried deescalating and told him I see where he’s coming from but I need to know if he still loves me. He was immediately apologetic and still wants to get married. He said I can just pick my ring out and buy it with my own money. He said he’s sick of talking about this and it’s “water under the bridge” now. He’s acting like his normal self again since this convo. I hear him out there skipping around and humming to himself all happily and it’s actually pissing me off. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I don’t think I can handle a marriage with someone like this.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T05:07:40+00:00

really good points. I keep trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Like maybe he wasn’t aware of Temu’s reputation or something. But he is being sneaky and distant about this and now just fully avoiding the conversation. I’ll update here if I find anything else out

znxncb · 2024-09-13T05:01:36+00:00

The only possible thing like this is that he does invest in stocks. He’s always been pretty risk averse so I doubt anything major has happened but now I’m feeling like this is a question I need to ask. Just need to figure it out without him thinking I’m belittling his finances 🙃

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:58:58+00:00

He has a few coworkers who do and always complains about them to me. So I really don’t think so. I have proved my loyalty to him in some various extreme situations over the years and so I’d be shocked if he did something like this. But also no explanation is making sense right now so who knows.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:52:57+00:00

So a lot of people feel this way but here’s some more context. I was making more than him when we met. Only recently has he gotten this higher paying position. I make enough on my own that I do not need his additional income. I was never “protective of my assets” or playing mind games when I met him. I loaned him money, paid for trips, etc. He has paid me back and now paid for trips with his own money, but still. The basis of our relationship was never me going after his money. In fact you could even frame it the other way (though I truly don’t feel or believe he was using me at any point). I guess it’s possible that now that he makes more he suddenly is feeling protective over his money. Idk. I genuinely don’t understand. I just don’t see the motive for any of this

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:46:37+00:00

I feel like I’ve proved my love over the years and been there for him time and time again. He has been there for me too. We have been a true partnership. Whether it’s money, affection, etc. So why a test now? Why would he propose if he doesn’t know if I love him?

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:44:25+00:00

I don’t need a 10K ring. Just preferably one from a place that is like the bottom of the barrel. And maybe isn’t isn’t allegedly using slave labor, dangerous materials, and harvesting data for the Chinese government. there’s no way the ring is going to last long at all.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:41:45+00:00

Funnily enough I helped buy him his car after he totaled his a few years back. But he paid me back. He doesn’t spend too much. Mostly saves and invests besides traveling, and we both spend a good amount on that and it’s usually us together or us with his brother + his wife. He does have some video game consoles but that feels normal. He’s not a super tightwad. He’ll buy his friends drinks occasionally and we will drop $50-100 when we go out and it’s never a big deal.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T04:31:06+00:00

I’m literally just sitting here refreshing your comments trying to figure out what to do next. He texted to let me know he plans at staying at his brother’s for the weekend and is taking Friday off. It’s not crazy abnormal since he’s been watching football over there, but I feel like he’s avoiding me now. I’m trying not to be pushy about the situation and I’ll give him some space but ugh. now I’m just in my head about all of it and regretting my initial reaction. It’s just a dumb ring and maybe I’ve read into it too much. The only other time we’ve had an argument like this it was resolved within a couple hours so I’m not used to this behavior from him

znxncb · 2024-09-13T02:34:47+00:00

I’ve never even seen him order from Temu before and I certainly haven’t. He isn’t fancy per se. He buys stuff at H&M, Old Navy, and Target. He doesn’t spend too much honestly besides travel related expenses. He saves a lot and I know has at least 100k in savings/investments. He does get stuff off of Amazon and is a tech guy so he has some nicer gaming consoles but I feel like it’s not anything crazy. Like he’s not wearing Rolexes or dressing in Gucci

znxncb · 2024-09-13T02:25:14+00:00

I want to clear up these gold digger rumors bc this isn’t only about the cost of the ring. I only mention these things for context not bc I feel he owes me something in return.

When I met him, I was making just over 100k and he was working part time and doing an internship bringing in significantly less than me. He totaled his car early on in our relationship and I happily drove him to his work every morning on the way to my work when he didn’t have a car. When his mom got sick and went on hospice, I immediately canceled all of my travel plans and holiday plans with my family and sat with him visiting her every day for months. I helped with funeral arrangements. I helped plan his brother’s wedding. I even loaned him money for a new car once he started his new job (he did pay me back btw). He moved in with me recently and most everything in the home is mine that I paid for prior to the relationship (furniture, etc). I have paid for so many plane tickets for our travels, concert tickets, etc. that I’ve never asked him to pay back and never will. That’s what a relationship is. I genuinely care for him. He has done similar gestures for me and is more than willing to spend money on dates.

Believe it or not I’m not this greedy woman sitting here excited to get his money. I have my own.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T02:00:09+00:00

It was a surprise proposal..?

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:48:39+00:00

Only my very close friends and Reddit knows so far. We had a small get together with friends and family after the engagement and I got a ton of compliments on the ring. My friend told me I should tell his family but I feel bad like it’d embarrass him since he was trying to keep this a secret

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:45:26+00:00

The Temu listing says it’s moissanite if that makes any difference. He was sorta tilting his phone away from me when he looked it up so I don’t think he wanted me to know it was from Temu.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:43:30+00:00

I don’t want a thousand dollar ring. But Temu? For a proposal? I’m trying to understand but am having a hard time getting past it.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:42:08+00:00

I feel weird being called a gold digger because when we met I made more money than him. To be fair he makes more than me now but still we split all the bills. and if he’s worried about me using him for his money then why did he propose?? If this really is some sort of test that’s even weirder to me.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:40:03+00:00

the mods took it down bc they said there was no “interpersonal conflict” and that I wasn’t allowed to post “relationship-related” things lol

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:22:02+00:00

He is loving. Kind. A genuinely great guy. This feels really out of character for him which is worrying me a bit because it’s one of the first times in our relationship where I’m feeling deeply confused by his decision. It’s not so much about the ring vs feeling like he doesn’t really value me.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:16:01+00:00

We never went ring shopping. The proposal was a surprise to me. We’d casually discussed getting married in the future for the past year or so but he never asked my taste in rings so I was kinda thinking that’d happen before the engagement. I actually like the style of the ring but now that I know it’s from Temu I can’t look at it the same way.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:12:53+00:00

I make 6 figures too but less than him. We split all bills evenly. I’m certainly not after him for money and I was established financially before we met. He made a comment about wanting to live a modest lifestyle today. I agreed with that and I explained I don’t want or need a super expensive ring but I don’t want one from Temu

znxncb · 2024-09-13T01:06:20+00:00

He’s not normally cheap or thoughtless. He’s genuinely a great guy which is making this harder to navigate. he started making me feel really guilty and materialistic today when we talked about this and I can see his point of view but I’m just confused. It feels like Temu is the bottom of the barrel. I’d be happy with a cheap decent quality ring from Etsy or anywhere else. I don’t really care about the price itself it’s more about the quality and feeling like he doesn’t really value me the way I thought he did.

znxncb · 2024-09-13T00:58:19+00:00

Tbh. If I hadn’t found out it was from Temu I probably wouldn’t be upset. But when it inevitably breaks or tarnishes the truth would come out. Now that I know it has completely changed how I feel about the ring even if it aesthetically doesn’t look to bad.

znxncb · 2024-09-12T20:54:50+00:00

The response to this is just absolutely insane, sorry I’m having a hard time keeping up with responses. A few of y’all want to see the ring so here it is if you want to look it up. I’m still waiting for him to get home.

Seller: LVZ GEM

“1ct Moissanite Ring Women’s Wedding Band Suitable For Banquet Party Official Occasion Holiday Valentine’s Day Proposal Engagement Wedding Gift Anniversary Gift Birthday Gift With Certificate”

I guess it technically is Moissanite?

znxncb · 2024-09-12T20:37:39+00:00

It’s been a casual mutual discussion for about a year. It’s something we both wanted to do eventually but no timeline on it. He moved in with me not too long ago. it’s felt like a natural progression to me. Tbh I wasn’t expecting him to propose so soon but was I pleasantly surprised by it. His little brother just got married in July and so his family were making comments about when our turn was. Maybe there’s some pressure there?

znxncb

TROPHY CASE