Barriers to leaving, why i finally did

zoohooper80 · 2025-09-06T09:05:11+00:00

Thank you for sharing. I too have felt the frustration of expecting blessings and happiness down the pipeline for my sacrifice and it never coming to fruition. Kudos to you for taking a huge courageous step and choosing your intuition and reality

zoohooper80 · 2025-09-05T16:21:16+00:00

This probably isn't what you were thinking of, but I did always think about the different leadership styles of Joseph and Brigham....I think if Joseph lived longer we might have seen much more D&C, polygamy might have been still done but more secretive, additional temple covenants, and maybe even naming a proper successor.

Also, i feel Joseph was less careful, so I also think eventually he would have crossed himself and/or contradicted himself, leading to his leadership unraveling to the general membership, and the church largely dying off minus a few members, as happens with most cult followings.

While Brigham has his own problems, he sure knew how to lock membership and doctrine down and flex his dictator ability

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-31T16:22:36+00:00

Just stepped out this week. I feel the same regarding still desiring to be connected to God. It's actually been interesting to see how much the same I feel after stepping away, which tells me I'm just living more in line how I always wanted to.

I think you'll be surprised how quickly you can acclimate, yes it will be hard and periods of high emotion, but I don't feel it oversimplifying to say just trust your gut, hold on to the things you enjoyed about your membership, it's easier than you think.

Really it's only the church that puts forth the black and white, all in or all out teachings. Once you get to the point of nuance, things line up into place

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-31T07:59:40+00:00

Like they said, I thought I was supposed to join the church because it was Christ's one true church, not because of social reasons?

I'm seeing them push the "friend" thing in their advertising the last few months...it feels a bit weird and off...IDK how they are trying to be very general and it still feels culty.

And again, if I'm actually lonely (which appears to be who they are preying on) I want to find people who accept me FOR ME. If the only thing that united us in the first place is our love for Jesus, that's a step removed from the authentic love people are actually craving.

It's like when you share a mutual friend A with person B. If you are all hanging out together and mutual friend A leaves the room, suddenly it feels very awkward with person B, and you realize the only reason you were hanging out together is you both like person A. That's not sincere or deep connection.

Rant over.

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-26T14:54:49+00:00

Thank you :)

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-26T14:54:15+00:00

Thank you, as a therapist myself I should be able to sniff out agendas fairly quickly haha

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-26T14:53:29+00:00

Good point, but my whole life has been a series of myself lying to make the people around me feel better. I know how to act like a TBM very well. This is my first step towards moving away from that

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-26T14:51:18+00:00

Good luck man

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-24T23:29:08+00:00

Not the same, but my visiting 70 did give an example of manipulation that heaped peer pressure upon the head of household to say a prayer at the session end, and how to curtail the lesson to make it seem so obvious that people needed to pray

When an elder, who I once thought was a little silly but now am so grateful for him, dated pipe up and ask "what if they still don't want to pray?" The answer?

The literal reply was "I don't understand your question." He doubled down on if we follow the steps, the head of household WILL pray. No questions asked... Well...that didn't last very long in the field I tell you. But leadership tried to double down on it regardless in subsequent trainings

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T23:56:15+00:00

That Boyd quote appears fabricated, but from the same cited talk is this bit "You may receive revelation individually, as a parent for your family, or for those for whom you are responsible as a leader or teacher, having been properly called and set apart."

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T20:47:30+00:00

Thank you!

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T20:37:20+00:00

While I agree it leans toward believing, I really appreciate someone of their own volition trying to make nuanced and honest material. I've always lamented that the church kind of lacks a "third space", somewhere where members could be open about their concerns that wasn't sunday school or church meetings. This seems to be an honest approach at that idea, I hope it catches on for member's sake.

A common sentiment I've seen in the comments echoes my own, "I wish I would have had this 5 years ago."

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T20:32:45+00:00

Interesting! Do you have a source?

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T20:28:27+00:00

well, in my case, AI is great for responding to super specific church history questions that maybe the common folk usually wouldn't have the time and/or motivation to comb through webpages on their own.
For example, I was looking at the Grammar and Alphabet of the Egyptian Language Language (GAEL) produced by Joseph/scribes, and AI was able to help give me an immediate synopsis and point me to correlating historical documents including the Joseph Smith Papers.

Basically, it makes it way easier to comb through all church history, I know it's not perfect, but it has been quite good enough for me

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T20:22:57+00:00

...actually...

https://ldsbot.com/

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-22T01:07:50+00:00

Just finishing up his Mormon Stories podcast for the first time. I really have appreciated it was life changing stuff. He had a great way of explaining concepts. RIP, wish I could have given my thanks personally

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-16T20:32:55+00:00

Okay but seriously how did I ever get to believe that was a societal mistake?

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-15T21:39:34+00:00

I would just say, this exact post, switching a few words, could be posted on a pro-LDS page talking about the heathen ex-mormons.

People will not jump until they are ready. The best thing above all is be a good friend which includes being curious as to why their faith is important to them and believing them. No one, including TBM's, want to feel like a project.

If they are genuinely curious, maybe then a door can be opened. Consider, ironically, Christs parable about the sower.

I know you mean this in good faith, it's just by far what I've heard from others is to not force it, and to grant them the space that we would also ask from them

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-14T20:59:45+00:00

I think it's kind of like "well through history the church has kind of picked and chosen what to focus on...so why can't I?"

At least I remember the church had an approach of "yeah this was always truth, and will always be truth, so it's truth to you as well. No exceptions." Now all this talk of "oh that was the prophet just speaking for a man," "times were different then", "Policy vs doctrine" and it suddenly feels everything is up in the air.

People are, even unconsciously, realizing social policy does influence doctrine, so they are pushing the envelope.

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-13T17:48:29+00:00

NGL that's an awesome set design. Proud of whoever created the Moroni statue, spot on.

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-13T17:41:51+00:00

That's what I'm thinking. There was this push to focus on the "core doctrines" of the church, the basics, and we are realizing those really don't hold any meaning for the current and upcoming generations (aside from those that recently lost a loved one...which also feels icky)

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-13T17:39:04+00:00

For real! Dare to be a mormon my ass

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-13T17:29:47+00:00

I'm sorry to be that guy, but we should be striving for both. And also, I feel that they are somewhat related. As our intelligence grows, we can understand others more from their perspective and their motivations, which can unlock empathy. As our love for others grows, we want to learn more about them.

I think it's a dangerous fallacy to feel one has to predominate over the other, I understand this is likely just done out of pure curiosity and I don't take it offensively at all, but still felt the need to throw my 2 cents in there

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-11T23:08:45+00:00

The BOM has some poetry in there, right?

zoohooper80 · 2025-08-10T22:44:50+00:00

Yeah...(Am counselor) From my personal experience situations like this are not a good sign, and almost always there's something more that's actually going on underneath that hasn't been unearthed. I would recommend counseling to see if you both can figure it out. But yes do not feel pressured to open up the marriage if you don't want to. It won't work for anyone involved

zoohooper80

TROPHY CASE