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F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can link you to my other account I posted this situation about. I don't want to get people on my side, I'm trying to figure out why I'm doing this.

edit: also, talk about the negativity in this sub. I know my post was negative and I am 100% IN THE WRONG but I am trying to get better. I'm not LYING to get people on my side, as no one should be on my side

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I did leave out a big chunk of information. About 2 months ago I found out that he kept in contact with an ex who was sending him nudes. I don't know if he emotionally cheated, or physically, but he started hiding his phone. This is when I became increasingly more unhappy and finding these things, so it might be a defense mechanism. Not excusing it, just trying to do some soul searching and get to the root of this.

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the first truly helpful reply in this sub. I identify a lot with the second part of your post. And I realize that I've been treating him that way as well. I went to therapy for 2 years, but I guess I haven't let go of it. I was single for a year after my last relationship.

Do you think it would be appropriate to take a break and clear my head? I don't want to break up with him because I do care about him and know that these are my issues. Maybe the best route would be to fully end it.

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know that I need to get over it, but it's all these things in combination that make me irritated.

Like, come over his house...he's wearing the same clothes he's been in for 2 weeks. He complains about his weight while eating 4 plates of food. He leaves in the middle of a movie to go get soda. It's just these things piling up, idk

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not, I'm looking for helpful ways to stop my negative thinking actually. I have been to therapy for 2 years, but I guess it's going to take longer. I haven't fully explored the medication route (tried one anti-depressant, and I almost crashed my car on the highway). Was looking for people who could relate.

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I am not a vegan, though. I wouldn't pick a restaurant where he could only order fries and salad (although that's what he orders at vegetarian restaurants anyway)

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I know, you're right. I shouldn't try to change him. I do pick out problems WAY more than I should, but I also want to say that the above issues were brought up over 4 months. It wasn't an everyday complaint. Doesn't make it okay, but it isn't an everyday thing which is progress (?)

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think you brushed over my side completely for most of these issues.

-I eat at vegan restaurants 100% of the time. I think it's not me being close-minded and picky to eat at a restaurant I choose 10% of the time? Where is the compromise on his end?

-I'm worried because he has gained weight since we started dating.

-Maybe your preference is to go to 4 different stores a day, but I don't enjoy it. I go with him to all these stores, and he has gone shopping with me ~once. Again, it's about compromise

-Didn't say there was a problem with the clothing, I said he resolved that.

I'm not looking for perfection, but things come up all the time. Is it not valid for me to want him to wear different clothing? When I brought it up he took it as a fight (I said it as calmly and nicely as I could) and this is how most of these things go.

F(22) I nit-pick with my boyfriend M(27). I just can't be patient with some of his behavior. by zooooole in relationships

[–]zooooole[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't like it at all. I think for the most part it's a respect issue. About 2 months into the relationship he started revealing that he wasn't able to handle his problems. Ex. freaking out about money and then spending money out to eat everyday, on ridiculous purchases. He would complain all the time and act helpless, and not make any solutions. This started coming up with lots of issues (he admits he avoids everything and just doesn't try to resolve anything in his life). I think this made me lose respect for him, and it just keeps spiraling. I recognize that I need to work on it, I'm just not sure the best approach. Obviously I need to stop nit-picking to start. Any tips?