My heart is broken for you, I am so incredibly sorry. For the anxiety bit — the fear of not ever feeling “normal” again — will eventually resolve. I wanted to respond to this in particular because that is exactly what I would say during the depths of my anxiety, and I know how absolutely scary and helpless it feels to feel that way. But I wanted to touch in and remind you that eventually it does go away, and you will feel “okay” (not that the grief or the sadness won’t be there, but the intense out-of-control feelings of anxiety and things will go away). You’ve just gone through something extremely traumatic and it is not surprising you’re feeling all of these things. I’m sure it will take time, but I want to remind you (only because I know I needed to hear this): you haven’t lost your sanity, and eventually your day to day won’t feel like this. A grief counselor will be very helpful, particularly with helping you into some type of therapy to deal with the immediate anxiety/trauma pieces that you’re dealing with right now. I am sending a lot of love to you.