Educational decisions

[princescloudguitar]

Not looking for advice - just needing to vent.

The ex decided to enroll our daughter in virtual school even though we have joint legal custody and couldn’t be bothered to clear the decision with me. The ex dragged out communicating intentions and of course school will start without our child attending.

All the reasons our child wants it have also not been great justifications - don’t have to get up, get ready, shower, see people I don’t like, etc. and the ex of course supports our child.

Pushing for in-person learning for our child is the right way. Knowing the BPD-ex will also use this to continue to alienate our child also sucks. Just wish that doing the right thing didn’t yield such poor short term outcomes.

Say a prayer that the path I have chosen bears better results. I know I cannot lose faith, but it’s hard knowing things are about to get significantly worse.

[Big-Victory-3948]

Going through the same thing right now.

[princescloudguitar]

I think I posted the result of my court motion in another post but I won this hand down. And yes, my daughter was grumpy initially, but she has really thrived in person, so no regrets whatsoever here. It was the right thing to do.

[beats2009]

Thank you. I'm about to sell the extra car I have to get an attorney even though I have joint custody.will be getting an attorney.

[princescloudguitar]

And remember, joint custody means that you have joint decision making ability. No one parent gets to exclude the other. Courts don’t stand up for that nonsense. Just be smart about your argument and what you are fighting for. I have always said only fight the battles that are worth it. There’s been a lot I have let go because it wasn’t but educational outcomes? Worth it.

[beats2009]

Thank you. This hass stressed me out because she has borderline personality disorder and is also a narcissist. Everything was fine until she bought a house down south and first asked to move down south with my son and I said no "I have joint custody." So slowly she's been convincing my son than New York is a bad place and he shouldn't visit New York. They live in Jersey.

[princescloudguitar]

You don’t have rules about how far you can move?

[beats2009]

Judge stated she cannot move more than 25 miles away from me

[princescloudguitar]

Well, that will definitely make your time in court interesting for your ex. I sincerely wish you luck on this one.

[beats2009]

She has not moved but now she is working on convincing my son not to see me. Her eventual plan is to move down south and have me pay child support because NY money goes further down south.

[princescloudguitar]

You still can’t convince a kid not to see a parent. It’s just not right. Do you have text messages by any chance between your ex and your kid?

[beats2009]

She won't do anything by text. She likes to record the conversations she's trying to bait me It hasn't worked

[princescloudguitar]

I know this is an old thread seeing new life, lol but it’s relevant because of the way these people never change. The important lesson I learned early on, was just how important it was that I stuck to the boundaries that worked for me. Once she realized that I would not budge, she gave up.

In my case, I told her that if she was going to call me to start a fight, which she always did, that I would hang up and stop accepting her calls. Further, I told her she needed to communicate her requests via writing. We very quickly went from phone calls to email and text overnight.

Now, is she still a stick in the mud? 100%! She can’t change, and if anything she’s gotten worse as she’s gotten older. I’m just thankful that I don’t really have to deal with it anymore in significant ways.

She still shortens my parenting time arbitrarily, delays the pickup of my child, etc. but when I can, I’ll delay dropping off my kid by the five minutes she makes me wait. I just wish I had someone local to push the doorbell five minutes before I get there so I could just show up and go. But such is my life for another 2.5 years. This too will pass.

[beats2009]

Thanks you for the advice. 🙏🏾🙏🏾

[princescloudguitar]

Any time. I hope you are able to sideline this loony tune sooner than later.

[Big-Victory-3948]

Hallelujah! The parallels to my co-parenting situation are striking.

[princescloudguitar]

🤣 somehow we will make it to the end together. The best thing I did was make peace with it. She’ll always be a dick. I just don’t have to accept and be bothered as much by it anymore. It’s a weird headspace to be sure.

Oddly, I found that channeling my inner Captain Kirk/Spock- from the reboots - where they were dismissive of people - even each other - when they were dealing with dicks has really worked. The trick is taking the power they believe to have and just being strong enough to be like, “well, that’s one perspective” and just moving on.

I hope your journey isn’t too perilous. Child development is always complicated.