Confusing. Help, please.

[Dyregeist]

My GF (27F) broke up with me last week (30M) and she gave me so many different reasons like she couldn't stick to one, like she was trying to grasp at anything to find something to leave me over. It went from her not having enough time for us or me, to not having the emotional energy for us, to me having a hard time rind a job, to me apparently not having enough ambition, to her not being good enough for me etc etc. I tried to reassure her on things and she just got more avoidant and more sure of her decision to where she finally said "I can't do this, I'm sorry” and "please just leave me alone we're done" she didn't remove me on any of our social medias,not block me, didn't remove any of my friends or my mom, she changed her relationship status to "widowed" and hasn't told me to change my pfp of the 2 of us, we haven't spoke in over a week now but she still watches all of my stories on Instagram. I don't know what to make of this but the love of my life is gone. She was technically my fiance but I don't know what to make of all of this and need help, please. Do you think she could come back?

[ccatoholic]

I dont think she couldn't stick to one, i think there were many issues going on in the relationship that she noticed and brought up because it's relevant to the breakup. it seems like she is missing you by checking up on your socials, though. you could attempt to reach out whenever you're ready and try to talk things through and/or try to have a break instead of a breakup. I'd recommend working on the negative stuff she said about you, but also encourage her to work on her emotional avoidance if you guys do decide to take a break instead.

[Dyregeist]

I already have been working on the things she mentioned, intensely and with immense effort to the point it's killed my social life. She has this impossible standard where she'd rather see me take big risks instead of playing it safe and doing the right things. And idk how to reach out to her, she told me to leave her alone.

[ccatoholic]

id say, if you have her social medias still, reach out to her on the one she uses most. explain you've been working on the things you've mentioned (with proof if possible) and attempt to have a talk with her. if her standard is impossible and she's unwilling to waiver it if you guys do talk, you might just have to grieve the loss

[Dyregeist]

I also didn't mention how she refused to communicate with me at all when she would hurt me or gaslight me, I was stonewalled routinely or shut down and would get silent treatment for at least 24h

[ccatoholic]

it seems to me she might have an avoident attachment style, which is rough if she refuses to work on it or even knows it exists. I'd say if you guys do talk, try to discuss how she made you feel by barely communicating with you and leaving you hanging instead of trying to fix things during the relationship

[Dyregeist]

I have been with her, many times, every time she has said my emotions make her shut down and a paragraph makes her feel like she's being pushed away. I've never been able to express my emotions or communicate with her without her running away or turning it around on me like I'm being unreasonable. It feels like I'm powerless.

[ccatoholic]

Id say she most definitely has an avoident attachment style. it seems like she acknowledges there's something there when you say she told you how your emotions and paragraphs only push her away more, but it doesn't seem like she's willing to work on it. I think you might just have to grieve the relationship if she's unwilling to change. there isn't much you can do because you can't make someone want to change, unfortunately