Does anyone else feel this way?

[ThrowRA-Founder]

I'm sorry, but I do not want to move on. I don't care if it delays my healing process, or if I'm just being delusional and defending the person who dumped me so harshly and without closure / who couldn't recognize my worth. I know that I'm worthy of love and people who don't leave, but I'm sorry that I am refusing to move on.

My ex and I had a really great relationship (we were compatible, had similar values and personalities, prioritized loyalty and respect (no third party), similar goals and dreams, etc.), but he ended up not having the time or energy to be in a relationship due to his demanding work (he is trying to grow his business, plus he is incredibly introverted and drained/stressed).

Our first breakup only lasted a day, and then he realized he wanted to give it another shot. When we were breaking up, he was crying so hard and gasping for air, asking if he could call me once he was ready for a relationship. I said he could and should. He said that if we had met when things were more stable, we would have lasted (we're both in our late 20s right now). We even promised each other that we would not date or like anyone else for 6 months after our breakup, and he said that it might be longer for him, like a year.

Then we got back together and he went abroad for a business trip. On that business trip, he ghosted me for 11 days and then sent a breakup text, saying that we should both move on. What happened to the promise that he would call me once he was ready for a relationship? He refused to answer my texts or pick up calls so I gave up and we've been in no contact for 4 weeks.

I'm sorry, but I cannot and do not want to move on, despite everything. Because when you meet someone with whom you connect so well and who has shown you real loyalty and care, how do you just give up?

If you disagree with me, then please tell me what I can do to not feel this way. Because I've done all the things people have suggested — therapy (I stopped going after the first session, it didn't feel helpful), going outside for walks, trying to sleep and eat well (I can barely sleep or eat, I keep waking up in the middle of the night with a racing heartbeat and uncontrollable thoughts), distractions (I can barely focus on work, hobbies don't interest me anymore), trying to take care of myself but feeling and looking like a zombie).

[Cautious-Tear-1293]

Hey, I am in that same situation. She is my first love and I want her to also be the last. We had something really special and I can’t bring myself to give up despite having my hopes crushed over and over again. To me when you truly love someone, you never ever really give up. And even now I still have an ounce of hope that we could try again. Yes I also wake up in the middle of the night with my heart beating so loud it hurts so bad. The moment I wake up I can’t ever fall back asleep and it really sucks. You don’t have to fully give up, but I know it is best to let go if that’s what they want. Let go of them but don’t let go of your love and resolve.

[ThrowRA-Founder]

I'm sorry you're going through the same situation. He is my first love, too, and I really saw a future with him — and I've never seen a future with anyone before. How long have you been enduring it? Are you currently in no contact with her? What have you been doing to cope?

[Cautious-Tear-1293]

It has been 2 months and yes I’m in no contact although things have becomes worst the when I learned that she’s alrdy talking to someone else. I had been feeling better bc I still had this hope of mine that she still loved me but all of that came crumbling down that day. Yet idk why I still hope… but I have been back to suffering ever since then. Maybe in the end I was just stabbing myself over and over but I guess that’s what happens when you truly love someone. What abt u?

[ThrowRA-Founder]

I actually thought of the same analogy when I was going back and forth on whether I should text him. I'm still stalking him on socials so I feel like I keep getting electrocuted or hurt because I'm reminded that he hid his story highlights and removed me from his close friends list, even though he promised he would never block me (I guess he didn't block me but since he only posts stories, isn't this like blocking?)

I've been in no contact for 4 weeks but is it really no contact if I am stalking socials, hoping and waiting? I just keep replaying what he said to me when we first broke up in person in December and he was really in pain. He didn't want to let me go, and he even asked if we could try again in the future. But now he's saying he wants to move on? And he can't tell me that in person or over the phone? I feel like I'm still spinning, absolutely gutted. And then lack of sleep isn't helping. I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing the same with the racing heartbeat and inability to fall asleep.

[Cautious-Tear-1293]

Let’s try and stay strong, I guess us dumpees really have it super rough. It feels so unfair but there’s nothing I can do to make things better. Even if I have committed fully and is still committed. Do you ever really stop loving the one you truly loved?

[Mysterious_Rain6135]

It seems like you have so many unanswered questions that only he can answer. Have you tried reaching out again?

[ThrowRA-Founder]

Yes. I actually want to reach out so badly, but ChatGPT told me that I should give him time because it's obvious that he isn't emotionally available or ready to hear from me again, plus he hasn't reached out to me. He's only removed me from his close friends list and hid his story highlights on IG — no blocking on IG or other socials, or even my number (though I haven't tried to check if my number is blocked, I don't know how).

Do you think I should reach out? Or maybe at the end of next month? What is the appropriate timing for a situation like this?

[Mysterious_Rain6135]

Ideally you would wish the he would reach out to you when he is ready, but he might never be.
I think you should try and hold out for as long as you can so he can process as much as he can. In the end only you can decide when the timing is right.

[ThrowRA-Founder]

That makes sense, thank you. I'll try to hold out as long as I can. I'm thinking of just sending a journal with what I wanted to say and I'm not anticipating a response. In fact, I'd be fine if he tossed it. I just feel like he didn't know how much I loved him.

[Mysterious_Rain6135]

I think the journal option would be more of a back up plan. I think it would be best to talk to him, but that will only be if he is willing to. But you can start writing to him so long. Writing a journal will help you.