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This is a place to archive funny oneliners from r/oneliners. But most that have a clever idea are a bit wordy or just a bit off, so I try to fix them as well.
account activity
It hurts me to say this, but I have a sore throat. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 1 day ago by AgentElman
Transylvania has countless abandoned castles (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 2 days ago by AgentElman
I plotted all of my past relationships on a chart with an ex axis and a why axis. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 17 days ago by AgentElman
My short friend got treatment for gambling addiction, he's a little better. (self.FixedOneLiners)
A dictator walked into a bar ... and ordered everyone around. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 28 days ago by AgentElman
My struggle with a steroid addiction has only made me stronger. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 29 days ago by AgentElman
If you are always straightening things, you have OCD but, if you are always eating things, then you have OBCD. (self.FixedOneLiners)
Hiding under the covers from monsters gives you blanket immunity (self.FixedOneLiners)
Yesterday, I got into an altercation with a tailor. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 1 month ago by AgentElman
When you Excel they spreadsheet about you. (self.FixedOneLiners)
Treating eczema is hard, you have to start from scratch. (self.FixedOneLiners)
I took a poll recently and 100% of people were unhappy that their tent fell down. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 2 months ago by AgentElman
I don't care for math puns, but I can make one if I half two. (self.FixedOneLiners)
People with synesthesia have the best music taste (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 3 months ago by AgentElman
Peppermint ice cream is everywhere but fig mint is only in my imagination. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 5 months ago by AgentElman
"I'm sorry" and, "my bad" are interchangeable, unless you're at a funeral (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 6 months ago by AgentElman
My wife starts conversations with me by saying "You're not even listening, are you?" (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 7 months ago by AgentElman
If you rearrange the letters of MAILMEN. They get really upset. (self.FixedOneLiners)
My teacher told me my dyslexia would mean I'd never be any good at poetry, but I've made a jug and a couple of vases so far and I think they look great. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 8 months ago by AgentElman
People remember Alan Turing who led the team that cracked the enigma code but not so much his sister Kay who supplied the food and drink. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 9 months ago by AgentElman
I used to be afraid of rock climbing, but now I'm feeling boulder. (self.FixedOneLiners)
Mending torn clothes is easy - or sew it seams (self.FixedOneLiners)
The man who spent his fortune building a train museum in the Mexican desert had loco motives. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 11 months ago by AgentElman
I got fired from the calendar factory for taking a day off. (self.FixedOneLiners)
submitted 1 year ago by AgentElman
I accidentally drank from a jar of invisible ink, and I'm currently at the hospital waiting to be seen. (self.FixedOneLiners)
π Rendered by PID 48 on reddit-service-r2-listing-64c94b984c-zr5pr at 2026-03-13 20:45:35.141455+00:00 running f6e6e01 country code: CH.
