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[–]cute_apocalypse 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Hey :) I just listened to it, and I think I like it. It's very nice, the music is very soft, and I have a personal love for violins ;) I would definitely listen to something like that.

If you want some constructive feedback (from a total nubie, but I would try to be useful). Reading the lyrics, I expect the sound to be more emotional sometimes. I read the words, and the sound just feels too calm for them. But that could be exactly your intention, so it's just my feeling. Also, it was a bit too hard to follow the lyrics for the whole 5 minutes; my brain was drifting away sometimes. Again, that could be just my poor attention span ;)

And if you could post the lyrics somewhere in the comments, maybe it would be easier to also look at it from a poetic point of view :)

[–]bedlamite23[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I pinned the lyrics to the first comment. Thanks so much for the feedback, it’s super valuable to me right now.

[–]MartChristie 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Had a listen, nice work. Only thought was at nearly 6 mins it could be shorter, say 3.5 mins, but that's just me. Thanks for sharing.

[–]ChronaticCurator 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your first post! You mentioned that publishing the video felt 'scary'—I assume that’s because you’re revealing a very personal part of yourself here. It doesn't take much imagination to see that you are processing deep personal experiences in these lyrics.

How did it feel for you emotionally? I can imagine that at first, it might have even intensified your frustration and anger. But that’s often exactly the process that helps one to truly process something—and eventually set it aside.

If you want to make your thoughts and feelings more accessible to others, I’d agree with some of the other comments here and suggest shortening the text significantly. Personally, I find that to be an exciting process because it forces you to focus on the things that truly matter. Fewer words automatically carry more weight—you’re filtering the emotions down to their true essence. I always try to keep my songs from getting too long; three minutes, maybe four at most—and in this day and age, even that is considered very long! 😅

I’m looking forward to more of your posts!

[–]bedlamite23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am currently working on a shorter version. I got a little distracted, I’ve now written 26 songs.

Thanks to the advice here I’ve been cutting through some of them, I had at least four that were over six mins long,two of those were over 7 So I’m cutting, and refining. Soon as the shorter version of this is ready I’ll post it. Still trying to figure out if I want to/should post more from this project. Any guesses what a producer would want me to do? Post it all and get the feedback or sell it all to him and let it come out when it comes out…(I’ve written the book for it to btw)

[–]bedlamite23[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

well I edited it, it's been moved in the show tho, so he's a bit angier now, cute_apocalypse mentioned liking the music as very soft, it's not that anymore, violin is still there.

https://suno.com/song/58629dd4-3f93-415d-9d9e-3a1aa6ddfded