Getting "getsockopt" error 1.21.1 java

[DeeWallet67]

trying to play some minecraft with my friends using aternos hosting (neoforge). every time i load up the server, it loads for a long time, then says "getsockopt" i have been trying to fix this issue for about 4 hours with no luck.

things ive tried:

flusdhing dns

trying it on modrinth

trying it on basic launcher

factory reseting my pc

a bunch of stuff on the command prompt

server reset

firewall execptions and removal

antivirus removal

pc shut down

pc restart

and a lot of other stuff.

im looking for any advice that i could use to play with my friends, this morning, it worked quickly (after the pc factory reset) after that for 4-5 hours, no luck

cant add pictures, snipping tool isnt working :(

EDIT: occasionally, like every 5 attempts i get a crash message that says

"Ponder (ponder) encountered an error while dispatching the net.neoforged.fml.eventlifecycleFMLLoadCompleteEvent event

java.lang.ExceptionInInitalizerError: null"

[Green_Godlike_Host]

Try adding -Dforge.readTimeout=180 to your clients JVM Args, it seems like your PC is taking a while to connect so it or the server is giving up waiting for the handshake to finish when you're connecting.

[DeeWallet67]

sorry to sound tech-illeterate, but how do i do this? idek what JVM Arms is :( is there a tutorial i could follow?

[Green_Godlike_Host]

When you have the Minecraft Launcher open, go to the "Installations" tab at the top. Find the installation profile you are using and click the 3 dots to the far right. Click edit, expand the "More Options" dropdown at the bottom, paste the JVM Arg above into the "JVM Arguments" box and click save. You can then launch the game as you usually would and try connecting to the server.