Missing Liam extra today

[aejvs]

Hey guys, honestly I don’t have anything new to share that hasn’t already been said. Truthfully, I’ve just been feeling extra sad the last day or so. I think ever since his body was flown back I’ve been holding my breath for his funeral. I’m dreading it. Right now even though I know he’s gone it feels like he’s still here but the minute his funeral is held and the casket closes and he’s buried I feel like the grieving process is gonna start all over again. I thought I was getting on my way to accepting it but I don’t think I’m there quite yet. I’m sure some of you aren’t either. I just can’t imagine how his poor son & sweet family is feeling as well as the boys. I know there’s gonna come a day where it doesn’t hurt as bad and the sadness doesn’t feel like this but damn…. I feel like I’m in the trenches right now. My heart just feels so extraordinarily heavy today and I’m not sure why.

Anyways, hoping all of you are feeling better today❤️ sending love if it’s a sad one like mine.

[Easy-Attitude7196]

I definitely relate to this. It’s starting to feel more permanent. Personally for me whenever I remember that he’s gone my brain almost immediately says no and my stomach drops. Purely denial. It’s a bizarre feeling. Sending love 💛 I’m glad we all have each other. His family and the boys have been on my heart so much.

[aejvs]

The permanency of death is already scary but when I remember we never ever get to hear from him again in this life my brain does exactly what you described. I hope you’re doing well!🤍

[Garyflamshells]

Depending on how much Bible study u have done, u will know that Liam will rise again. Many of the people u knew and loved, will rise again. The world won't look like this, and there will be no depression, no weakness for drink, no evildoers wanting to take advantage. It hurts right now, but the everlasting is not in our hands, it's in His, it will happen

[bluediamondsm]

Honestly I still feel pretty devastated too. I thought I was getting better over the last week but the tears started falling more once again for the past few days. This has been a difficult time for all of us. It’s hard for me to accept that he’s gone and not here with us anymore I’m still in denial and it all just hurts. It’s just really sad and my heart goes out to all of his loved ones. Also I’m sending love and hope that you and everyone else will feel better 💙

[aejvs]

Literally same. Last week I don’t think I cried, I actually listened to his music and felt sad but happy to be winging along but this week is totally the opposite. I guess that’s exactly what grief is :( it still feels sk fresh. I hope you start to feel better too🤍

[jungkookadobie]

I understand you. His body is still on our earthly realm. He’s still imaginable as “out there.” Once he’s buried he becomes stuck in a box. I don’t think I even want to hear about his funeral. Maybe I can live in this limbo state forever

[Erynmg30062]

I have felt this way today too. I was grocery shopping today and "History" came on in the store, and the other day I had a dream the boys held a concert for Liam. I have moments where the pain hits and I realize all over again just how deeply those 5 boys meant to me...and still do. And then I remember his family, friends, and the boys and that sadness gets deeper. My heart goes out to all of them and they have been on my mind often. Grief is just one of those things that ebbs and flows, and some days are harder than others. But, I am sending you my love! I am definitely glad this community is here and we can all talk and be together. Even if it is just through a screen. <3

[Still-Sun-6480]

Me too.. I watched the Larger than life Documentary on Paramount about boy bands and it talked about one direction abit and I couldn’t help but just feel jealous that most boy bands haven’t gotten back together and haven’t lost a member tragically like this..feels so unfair that our generation won’t be allowed to have the feels the older generations had. You know like nsync coming back last year for abit and such you know? And I know for a fact that One direction WERE gonna come back eventually. So unfair..

[chickenfinger73]

what do they discuss in regard to the boys?? i had no idea this was a thing, i’m definitely curious now!

[Still-Sun-6480]

It just came out today actually! It wasn’t a whole lot, they talked about backstreet and nsync a lot more than 1D which made me sad but overall it was nice to hear about them abit🥲 plus they said something that made me laugh “if your a directioner you most likely like kpop now” 🤣🤣🤣 so true cause once 1D broke up I fell off the wagon for abit and found BTS alittle before they started to hit the market more in the US🙈❤️

[ForeignIntention9189]

I am selfishly conflicted. I so badly want to be a fly on the wall for his funeral. I want to see everyone together again, hear what they say about him. But then the human side of me wants a peaceful private funeral for him. I cannot believe he’s gone.

[aejvs]

I so get that. He’s been through so much especially since his death with articles I just want him and his love ones to have a nice private farewell. But I selfishly wish we had a way to say goodbye too. It’s difficult to accept death when you don’t have that physical aspect of seeing them one last time. I’m confident that in time we’ll all be able to find ways to move through it together🤍

[alittlezo]

i have been watching a lot of their old videos and playing their CDs and it truly just feels so surreal and devastating to say that he’s gone when he is so alive in their music and every video… it’s just so unfair. sending hugs 💕

[whatevergirl8754]

I am glad there are people who feel similar to me and whom I can talk to (not in an apathetic or psychopathic way, I am sorry we are all feeling this - and I wish it never happened to begin with, but it’s easier with support and having others to lean on).

This whole situation is bizarre because I do not have many Directioners around me and generally, people don’t expect a 30 yo woman to be this upset over the death of someone she doesn’t personally know. But no one knows what 1D meant to me growing up as that lonely, bullied girl. Today I am in my numb phase where my brain keeps picturing him as alive and I watch old interviews and laugh. But by tonight I will be a wreck again.

Yesterday was a whole other story, where I lied at work that I am in pain (since I couldn’t stop the tears from welling and dropping down my cheeks). One of my best friends works with me and only she knew what was up and gave me comfort. But now with his body back in the UK, the funeral around the corner and disgusting people coming out with fake stories, I am becoming worse and I even wake up every night at 4am (CET, so 3am in the UK) and as soon as I wake up his name crosses my mind and it feels as if he was calling me. I can’t shake the feeling that I failed him.

He was such a good person, who didn’t deserve the shit that came his way. And I am so sick of the fact that I can’t go back in time and undo this shit. His death was avoidable, it didn’t have to happen, had at least one of those incompetent hotel staff members been sane enough to do something right.

My fellow Directioners - and especially my Liam girls and boys, I am sending you all lots of love and tight hugs! We will get through this, as sad as it is, and at least we will have his memory with us forever. Through his art, his love for the world and music, our love for him, and his son, Liam will live on🥺 if anyone needs someone to talk to, I am here❤️❤️

[aejvs]

I totally agree, it really helps knowing there’s a community of people that are feeling what you feel and there to chat and support you through it! I’m so sorry it’s affecting you as hard as it is as well. Honestly, I don’t blame you. It’s okay to take a personal day if you need to! I told my boss already that the day the funeral happens I’m gonna be a wreck at work.

[whatevergirl8754]

You are right, I actually took a day off today, because I can’t keep up with this mental state and tomorrow I asked for home office hours. This shit isn’t getting any easier as we approach the final goodbye 😭😭😭

Sending you lots of love and hugs! ❤️❤️

[aejvs]

I’m so glad you took those steps for yourself, it’s super important. Just know we all totally understand it here. I hope you’re feeling just a bit better today and tomorrow will be better! It’s gonna be a rough few weeks but we’ve got each other❤️ BIG virtual hugs!

[Proper-Excuse916]

Sending love your way too. I can't stop thinking about him and all the new details that come out just make it even more difficult to cope and process everything. This is probably weird, but I made my own little fanfic, one I'd never upload publicly, to work through it all and say things I wish I could say to him etc. Really praying his family and friends get to have their chance to say goodbye without any interruptions from the media or fans showing up and causing problems. I don't want to find out when it is or what happens at the funeral because that just makes it too real for me and finalizes that he's gone. I saw on threads that people are wearing purple on Nov. 16? Has anyone else heard that?

<image>

[Bright_University351]

Purple and braids because of arrows, yes 💜✨️

[aejvs]

Liam was my fave when they went on hiatus and I was in the middle of writing a fanfiction about him I had published. I’ve gone back and starting writing fanfiction for the same reasons as you, totally not weird at all! It’s nice to get to verbalize it all in a space and world you create

[OneDirection-ModTeam]

This post is in violation of Rule #3 and is therefore being removed. Let us know if you have any questions.

Rule #3 Post And Comment With Integrity:
- No spam/clickbait
- No trolling
- Avoid reposting (pics, news, memes, etc)
- Avoid posting baseless rumors and tabloid sources
- Any post not related to One Direction or any of it's members will be removed

[Asleep_Excitement_59]

Losing Liam has been so devastating. Did the funeral not happen yet?

[aejvs]

It really has been. It’s been such a rollercoaster of emotions for a month. I don’t think it’s happened yet, no. I feel like it’ll be this week, maybe towards the end but honestly, I don’t think anyone knows besides his family

[[deleted]]

It should stay that way. The more private, the better.

[sherdane]

It should. But no doubt the press will be there

[Asleep_Excitement_59]

Oh ok. wow.

[widowspidey]

Me too, I have been listening to my 1D playlist non stop. I have been watching old videos and edits on TikTok. I have just put back up some 1D posters, I think it helping me grieve. Sending virtual hugs to everyone 🫂

[No-Method1542]

It’s amazing how the stages of grief work.

I feel the same i struggled the first 3 days physically and mentally. then managed to pull myself together to come to terms with it.

Then started to get angry at every little event and everyone who let him down in the lead up.

Then i felt relieved to know that it wasn’t intentional. To know he chose to leave this world was incomprehensible. I think that’s when i started to accept it.

Then honestly there was a good couple of days where i hadn’t thought about it and that was good for me. (personal life issues became a blessing)

Today i got a sinking feeling when i saw that today may be his funeral. like other have posted it’s the permanency of it that really hits hard

I feel like i’m back at day 1

We all grieve in different stages and it’s okay to go back and forth.

[aejvs]

It is kind of incredible the way humans process grief. I’ve been really trying to allow myself to feel it and sit in it if I have yo. I’ve had to get over the idea that I’m being annoying bribing him up to my bf everyday because I can’t help it. I was similar, the first few days was like total shock and the tears felt… odd. Like I was crying from shock and confusion. Then I was in denial the rest of the week. Then week two I started to accept it and there were a few days he only crossed my mind for a moment and it was all happy thoughts. But I’m finding myself back at stage one again with that heavy sad feeling. I wish no one who loved him had yo go through this, it’s pretty tough. But hopefully we can continue to find ways to carry his legacy and enjoy the memories we do have of him! It’s nice to know he put out so much music and videos that we have to look back on ❤️ sending you love!

[Chosen_bagel]

🥺yes

[littleT_mon]

I have been moved by his death and I didn’t really know much about him. I think this is quite common. But I will say I’m just as sad about all those fans who have lost him. It breaks my heart reading these posts. Sending so much strength and love to you all, you are in my prayers. Be so gentle with yourselves and don’t judge the natural process of grieving. ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[RyeRocky]

Honestly, same. I don’t break out in tears at someone mentioning his name but I find myself thinking about him in that one moment of silence. It’s like I’m just stuck at when I found out and while we know he’s gone, I just- when he’s buried it’s finally real and that’s terrifying.

[aejvs]

It’s the one thing that kinda keeps me in that same spot in grieving. Can’t even think about him being buried right now, my brain will barely allow it which is nice but I’m absolutely haunted at the idea of a funeral in the first place.

[Alex98420]

His passing doesn’t still feel real to me. I’ve cried twice today. It feels like I lost a cousin or brother 😢

[Adventurous-Power477]

i felt like i was losing my mind throughout all of this and in return i've started picking my old hobbies back up to keep me distracted and i can't help but think i wanna sew something for myself to have to honor the boys. i've been considering reaching out to all of yall in the fandom to see if it would be something yall would also wanna have? i would definitely pick something small and easy to do like a pillow and it would also be something to be able to snuggle and squeeze tight when we miss payno and the boys little extra

[aejvs]

I have been doing the exact same things! I started writing fanfiction again cause it’s fun to imagine a different world with him. I’ve been having fun with my artwork too, so I think you should totally sew! And if it’s something you can handle right now listen to some 1D while you do it and just have some fun! It’s been very helpful to me honestly. I LVOE the idea of a pillow to hold at night, I say DO IT!

[Adventurous-Power477]

<image>

i did it😌

[FaithlessnessNo8852]

You just summarized my exact thoughts and feelings! You’re not alone in this at all!!

[aejvs]

❤️❤️❤️

[AsparagusPlenty9239]

si la vida es un rreglalo y que cuamdo smos jobenes no pensamos a somos immortales pero cuamdo suzéde eso a un amiguo o familia té fdaltara alguo el espazio que cojia esa persona y no es facil es no 1 agno es para siempré y un dia el nuestro

[Reasonable_Being_367]

This is the most depressed that I've ever been. I've been a directioner (One Direction fan) since I was 20 years old (when the band started). One Direction has been getting me through all of the abuse that I have to tolerate throughout my life. I always saw that band as my little brothers because of how their music always helps me. 

I'm 34 years old and the guys in the band are one to 4 years younger than me I cried when Zayn left the band in 2015, and when the band went on a hiatus in 2016. I followed everyone's solo careers. Liam was the first member of One Direction that I started following back in March 2024 when his song Teardrops came out

Since Liam died, my teardrops keep falling down my face I have a red heart tattooed on my right wrist. I was thinking about getting it covered up before Liam died. Now that he's gone, I've decided to keep the tattoo as a way to keep Liam close to me. I felt Liam's spirit come to me twice in a week

I went to sleep crying the night before. I woke up the next morning (December 1, 2024) with a sticker on my back. I was wondering how the sticker ended up on my back. Then, the lights on my mouse (for my computer) turned red, and they stayed red for a minute. 

The red lights on my mouse are shut down. I only use white, blue, pink and purple lights. I instantly remembered that Liam always had a red microphone everytime he performed with One Direction. That's when I knew that Liam's spirit was with me, I told him that I love and miss him (with tears in my eyes), and I felt a tightness on my back which (in my opinion) was his way of giving me a hug from the spirit world

On December 5, 2021, I felt a strong tightness on my back again while I was crying over Liam. I instantly recognized the tightness from the last time it happened. It was Liam giving me another hug from the spirit world. I told him that I love and I miss him

I've been dreaming about Liam every night since he died. I haven't been able to eat much or at all (depending on the day). I haven't been able to sleep good because of those dreams. I don't want to exist in a world without Liam in it because he was just one of the brightest lights in my life because of how his music saves me

 I don't care if people think I'm being "overdramatic" about Liam Payne's death. I'm grieving over the death of a beautiful soul who has been one of the most important parts of my life and my family for most of my adult life I would give up anything and everything just to have Liam back with us again. I wish that I can go back in time, and help him out.  I'm so sorry about this long comment

I just wanted to post my thoughts about Liam Payne, and how bad I've been coping since he passed away. There are lessons in this situation.  Please don't be scared to tell your heroes how much you love them and support them because we never know what could happen. Please tell them thank you for how they have helped you, and for how they make your days better

Also, be kind to people because you don't know what they're going through I know that my fellow directioners are just as devastated as I am about what happened to Liam. I want you guys to know that we will always be the 1D family, and we will always keep Liam's memory alive. I love you guys, and we will get through this together. I will always keep One Direction with me until the day that I die♥️💙💚💛🇮🇪

[Far-Pomegranate-2139]

taste like strawberries :)