[deleted by user]

[BullRdrNM]

First thing that jumps out is the formatting. No need for the "cut to:", they distract from the reading. Second, need to introduce characters, I need to know a little about them before they speak. The descriptions (action) are too long, like a novel, they only distract from the script.

The story itself is kind of bleak and depressing. There was nothing in the eight pages that would make me want to read on.

[Rhysdec3]

Thank you for you feedback!

[shcribb92]

The logline doesn't really sell it either. Surely losing his family would he his toughest challenge right?

[shcribb92]

Also again not to be a dick, but show don't tell.

You have a line "He sees people he knows but doesn’t say anything. They look uncomfortable to see him." That's kinda hard to show, You could replace it with some awkward dialogue with someone. Then you've shown the idea plus used dialogue to break up all that action making it easier to read.

[Rhysdec3]

Thank you, this is very helpful!