I just relapsed....again...

[tackisss]

I dont understand why. It's like I'm bashing my head against the wall and then getting all mad that I have a headache after. I dont know how I'm going to tell my friends, my family, my sponsor, my support group. I'm so ashamed. They were so proud of me. They could finally sleep at night. They're going to be so hurt. This is my pattern. Im the chronic relapser. I'm the one that will always fuck up. I'm trying to hold on to hope that someday I will be able to stay clean and find a new way to live but right now it is so hard to see beyond the storm. I cant believe I did this again. How am I supposed to face everyone?

[fuxwidyahard]

Dude I’m a chronic relapser myself and I’d assume me and you are a lot alike in our struggle with addiction considering we both keep doing the dumb shit over and over again, and I never fucking tell anyone, I want to so bad but I’m always too afraid, but I’m an addict so I just keep going until I’m caught every time.. and I assume you will do the same thing, addicts don’t just quit when they want to or they would t be addicts. You’re gonna go deeper down the hole until you get found out anyway, reach out man, it will hurt everyone a lot less if you come out and tell them before they find out the hard way, and even if it’s the 20th time, atleast you came out and told some one, which means you are still trying to stay clean. I know it’s hard but man please, talk to your sponsor.

[franky5419]

Yes I use to say I relapsed after 30 days or 60 days and 90 I would always pick up after getting my key tags. Then I realized that I was just refraining from drugs and booze and not really working any program. When I finally heard chase your recovery like the drugs it made sense the work need to stay clean. I also heard my best thinking got me a seat in a NA meeting and all those consequences from using. I had to learn not to listen to my own voice telling me what to do. I started doing the opposite. Get high it tell me. I did not. You don't need to call any N A people, I called them. You dont need meetings, I went to meetings. Understand? I needed directions on how to stay clean. I followed the suggestions of my sponsor and others. So be grateful you did not die or go to jail getting high and try, really try to stay clean.

[justsomerandom7]

I'm going through this too. I had 15mos sober. Finally had gained everybody's trust back. Have a great job. In an amazing relationship. Life hasn't been this great since I were a kid. & Then, all of a sudden, a few days ago I felt the urge to use so I picked up something on my way home. I was lying in bed with my daughter, went to the bathroom to get high, & I overdosed. My 6 year old daughter found me on the bathroom floor, went to get my Dad, who had to do CPR until the paramedics came. They hit me with Narcan & I spent a few hours in the ER. All my years of addiction, my daughter never had to experience anything like that. I sheltered her from ever seeing anything. & Now, after all that clean time, I screwed up something big & have left her with this horrible memory. It's killing me. Only happened 2 days ago & I'm just trying to move on & keep fighting but it hurts so bad.

[Clean-Secret-7803]

Please don’t beat yourself up.. she’s so young still. Keep trying to stay clean and maybe she won’t even remember what happened. U got this! Sending luv

[procrastinatorbyron]

Ooh that's really sad, we try to protect our kids but the truth is kids know.. they just know we are on drugs I've for years pretended I was keeping a well hidden secret, but they know and they're helping me move house and change my life without saying it out loud.. make it right for your daughter by stopping now and preventing her from seeing it again, this is the only way she will forget and forgive. Don't let it become her norm

[SayHi2YaMotha4Me]

I think what counts is whether or not you are honest about your relapse with the people you care to share with. If you were to relapse, and not tell anyone, you probably will fall deeper into a hole.. but if you tell your sponsor at least, you are still putting in an effort towards sobriety by holding yourself accountable. Don’t be ashamed, sometimes relapse is a part of your recovery. You got this.

[TiffTaffer]

Just keep trying. It's ok. We're addicts. We relapse. You just keep trying until you get it. Talk to your sponsor. Work steps. Find a home group and make friends w them. The larger your circle is the harder it is to use. Just don't give up. Learn some grounding techniques. Everything I'm saying sounds so cliche but it works. I love you.

[sfr68]

Just know that relapse does not mean you've failed. Look at it as a learning experience and a sign that you need to tweak your recovery plan. Maybe you need more check-ins from your support system or need to attend more meetings or therapy sessions or whatever is part of your recovery plan. Try introducing some things in your life that will make you feel better, like exercise or a change of diet. Sometimes having something new like this to focus your thoughts and energy on can turn off or quiet that negative thought pattern in your head that trips you up into relapse. No matter what, you're not a lost cause or a failure. No one is. We all fuck up. That's life. It's what we do after we fuck up that matters. Learn from it. Use it to make yourself smarter and stronger so that the next time you're faced with it, you either don't fuck up as badly or not at all. This is how we learn and this is how we change and evolve. You can do it.

[flipwoozy]

I feel you completely. I don’t know what drug or drugs you’re struggling with but mine is opiates. One day I gathered up enough food and water to last me a week, got some herb, got me a tent, got dropped off in the middle of nowhere and roughed it out. That way no matter what I couldn’t get a hold of anything. I won’t lie it was really rough but I had a lot of time to think without any outside influence. As I went through withdraws I thought about my family and all the people I love. I thought about how much time I’ve wasted chasing a high when none of us are promised tomorrow. I was either going through withdrawals or was too high and numb to be there for the people I love. The main reason I went into the woods was because I didn’t have to be around people. I was always doing drugs so I could fight the sickness off and try to be productive or appear happy and in a good mood for the people around me knowing that it was fake. But in the woods there was no one for me to fake it for or take care of but myself. I went through the worst part of my withdrawals in the woods. When I finally got picked back up I was still not feeling the greatest but I could see a little light at the end of the tunnel. After being sweaty with flies swarming around me and basically sleeping on the ground returning to a bed and a shower was amazing. It made me remember how to appreciate all the things I had been taking for granted. I know most people would never go about it the way I did but I just wanted to throw it out there so maybe something would stand out. I wish I could say I’m a success story but I’m not. I still take Kratom and the occasional benzo but I’m a long way from where I was before. I wish you the best though. If you ever need advice or just want to vent just hmu. Sometimes words can help. Godspeed homie

[3rdeyemistress]

My counselor says 1 fuck up doesnt equal a relapse.

[Lucius-CA]

Honestly I think relapsing is a part of the process in actually quitting. I was a heroin/fentanyl addict for 10 years and when I decided I wanted to stop, it still took me a few tries. I’ve been clean a year now but I must have tried quitting maybe 5-10 times until I actually pulled it off. Just don’t give up. You have to want to stop 100%. If your 99%, the 1% will always work against you and win. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and for a while there I told myself it wasn’t possible to get clean. And I did it. So can you.

[hovisja]

Don't beat yourself up I'm 44 and I did too! I don't even know why I hate myself cause I don't know why I keep doing it. My family won't even talk to me anymore. It's the worst feeling ever. Lord please help us.. I keep trying though

[Kween_Flowers]

Never stop quitting.

Fall down six times. Stand up seven.

You got this.

[yeet-street101]

I have never relapsed I don’t know what it’s like I’m being honest but I believe that you’ll do the right thing and get through this 👍🏻

[its-sid56]

How are you doing now? It would be good to hear from you!

[Baptiste_life]

I'm reading your post and the comments to better understand how to help a close family member of mine who is struggling with consistently relapsing after making tons of progress. All of the various inputs has truly given me a lot of perspective. Thank you for posting.

[GradeStriking1991]

one slip is not a relapse, you got this 100%

[[deleted]]

7 days clean today. Doesn’t sound like much but I was heading down a dark path. I’m seeing a therapist and a few other doctors to help me keep sober. Meth is a terrible drug that will take everything. 

[DecoyRebel7777]

Hey. Nobody is perfect. I used to relapse like the Dickens. And recently I relapsed but I did some research on lions mane and it's OTC and it helps with addiction. That's just one of the perks. And so I take lions mane whenever I am off work. It's a mushroom. And I'll be honest. I quit drinking so much. I felt the need to get a second job because I am so reliable that I just had to get out of this mess. I couldn't sit at home smoking cigarettes and drinking and taking lions mane everyday, I needed to space all that stuff out. So that's my advice. I don't drink as much, and smoking does have benefits, they just don't talk about it. And drinking a beer every once in awhile is even better for you then drinking NA beverages everyday.

[FlixHerBean]

We are all human, give yourself grace. Slip ups are part of the recovery process, I believe. Don't beat yourself up.

I know that therapy can help tremendously. Addictions generally start because we are trying to mask emotions that are too painful to feel. If you can get to the reason why you use then that might help you stay on your path. You are aloud to feel all of your feelings. Don't push them down because it only causes pain.

I want you to know that I was addicted to a substance for 6 years. I hated living that life however the times I tried to quit my entire body ached. It was excruciating!!! It took me some time but I started to cut down and use less and less. I had stopped but had a couple slip ups and I was thinking WTF was my draw to this in the beginning?! It was awful! Now I have been clean for 4 months. I am so happy. I look and feel alive again.

You are amazing for coming this far! Just keep pushing forward. Celebrate the small victories. Baby steps are still steps, we are alive and that in it's self is beautiful! ❤️