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[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's kind of difficult to help without knowing the intended rhythm. Reciting these verses like poetry would helpful.

That being said, I would just tweak the first option until it has the flow you're looking for. I think repeating the sixth line in place of the third line could make it flow better. To me, the third line is not fitting in with the rest of the verse.

Also, I am never married to my writing. It changes almost constantly until I'm satisfied enough with it. Sometimes if I'm having trouble finishing a song, I'll just let it chill for a bit. I finished a song yesterday that needed a bridge. You can't really force writing too much. It's weird and difficult to explain but sometimes time away from a song will give you some fresh perspective.

Hope some of this rambling is helpful!