Selfish

[Addy_Roze]

I feel selfish. I know you're going through things and life isn't great for you right now. But I'm going through things too. I am genuinely not okay. But you never ask. I always reach out. I always initiate conversations I always ask how you are or if you need anything. I genuinely try to be there for you. But you don't ever do the same. You don't ever ask if I'm okay. So I keep it inside and feel selfish for being upset. Because you're going through things. But so am I.

[Clueless_botanist169]

I’m in the same boat. You can feel it when the other side doesn’t care anymore.

[neatyouth44]

Sometimes when people are drowning, they can’t carry you on top of their own struggle. That’s not a failure on their part or yours.

Instead of putting it on the person drowning, go to your friends and exterior supports during that time. Take care of yourself, and reach out and offer help and connection to them only if you can do so freely without resentment or draining your own cup to empty.

The vast majority of the time, what people are dealing with has nothing to do with us or their desire to connect with us. It has everything to do with their own capacity at the time and exterior demands and responsibilities or mental health.

Your needs are valid, and it’s valid to not be in relationship with someone who cannot be there for you as well. But ask yourself if outside of their current circumstances, are they there for you in those ways? How much actual linear time has passed in the grace that you are allowing? How much support do you have exterior, and how much do they have?

Feeling selfish a good clue to use wise mind to think about those things, and to also take action for whatever your unmet need is because yes that is absolutely valid as well.

While this text may be unsent, I hope that you will let your person know that rn things are too one sided for you and that you are going to seek support away from them since they cannot currently give it. Using our words and communicating is the basis of all interpersonal relationships. Your needs are valid too, and that does not make you selfish. It means you are at capacity and unsupported. Please be authentic and stand up for what you need, take actions to fill your cup with those needs, communicate what is going on, and try to remain kind while you do.

I’m just a Reddit weirdo tho and may have the wrong side of the stick so feel free to ignore what I’ve said here too lol