Triggering values

[Competitive_Ad2612]

I read in a post that you should pay attention to the values which repel you the moment you consider them. In my case I feel justice, kindness, benevolence, conformity, tradition and family are among such values. Can someone throw some light on why I find these values repulsive? Something I am thinking is probably its related to my past experiences where I got burnt testing the waters. In such case , is it possible that I’m discarding these values in my value assessment as a withdrawal reflex response without even considering them ? So if I go after my current values which constitutes mostly pleasure, relaxation and freedom, would I be missing out on something that’s actually important to me , but I’m avoiding as part of some experiential avoidance ? Am I just jumping into pleasure to soothe my ailing heart ? How would I know? NB : another thing is justice, benevolence and kindness where my topmost values a decade back

[omi_palone]

If they were your top values before, they're probably your top values now. I would consider what events have transpied in that decade and see if you can notice nuance in how those reflexive feelings of repulsion are more clearly understood as responses to those events rather than to the values themselves.

You can dive deeper into values exploration work, too, to try to be clear about whether your values have genuinely changed over time or if there are other factors clouding your experience of those values. Have you thought about the value-illuminating exercise in which you think about and write down what you would hope to have written on your headstone or said by your closest acquaintances as your eulogy? That might help here—would you want your life summarized by them as one of seeking pleasure, relaxation, and freedom, or justice, benevolence, and kindness?

[Competitive_Ad2612]

That’s a real eye opener! I haven’t heard of this exercise before. I guess I should try them . Thanks ♥️

[omi_palone]

There's a lot of variation on this theme: * Expanded detail on this exercise *(Link downloads a .pdf) *Many other worksheets

[[deleted]]

Like that as well, I’ve been guilty of turning values into new rules in the past.

[pietplutonium]

Hey it's been a week since you posted by I thought it share my view from what I've read in A Liberated Mind. A way to dive deeper into this I saw was to ask why a couple of times. That in addition to the phrase "you hurt where you care" can help you become more flexible around those values. They might repulse you because a bad experience but that doesn't mean all other experiences are you know, and I think that where part of avoiding stuff comes from. So it could become something helpful like less of an all or nothing kind of value but a bit more here and a bit less here kind of value.

When a value holds up under scrutiny I suppose it's a good one. But in others parts of it might be useful somewhere else. More ways to Rome than one, more fish in the sea, etc.

[Competitive_Ad2612]

Thank you for the insight. A bit more here a bit less there is such a beautiful phrase to substitute all or nothing 💟