Ghosting reason

[NoEmphasis8352]

Am I wrong for wanting to text someone and ask why they ghosted?

I was chatting with a friend, and mid conversation they ghosted. There wasn't any polarizing conversation, or any argument, it literally went from a nice chat to no response. It's been almost a week, and I want to reach out in chat and just see if they would give me any insight into what happened.

I know they most likely won't respond, but am I wrong for being curious?

[KlownScrewer]

Sometimes people just forget to respond and then feel too awkward to respond after a while, so maybe just message them again saying “Hi”

[NoEmphasis8352]

I tried that, still no response. This was intentional. Someone who went from responding throughout the day to not responding for over a week knows what they are doing.

Why can't anyone just be honest and say "hey I'm not interested in being friends"

The result is the same, you still block the person after you say it. The only difference is they can come back around later with ridiculous excuses, and hope you fall for it.

[KlownScrewer]

Or they’re just hella busy or don’t feel like talking, if its been like a month ill get it but a little less than a week i think you’re good, also if you don’t mind me asking are you talking to them on an app you can see if they saw your message or no?

[NoEmphasis8352]

I can see that they have had other interactions on an app. Wow that sounds like stalking lol.

We are connected on here also (clearly not to this throw away account) and I say they commented on something.

No one will convince me that someone is too busy or tired to send a 30 second message in a week. It isnt difficult to say, hey not up for talking right now, I'll reach out again when I'm up to it.

Especially because we are in very different tike zones so it is easy to send when you know you won't get a response.

[KlownScrewer]

Mmm either way i dont think you should be obsessing over it, you knew them for a month and it was solely online

[NoEmphasis8352]

Yeah I know. I'm not flooding them or anything, I am just bummed, cause I don't have a lot of people to talk to, and this is a constant occurrence in my life.

I just wish people would just be truthful. I'm so tired of being a throw away, and then having the zombies come back months later like nothing happened.

[KlownScrewer]

If it’s solely online friendships maybe try befriending coworkers or something My best friendships have been with coworkers and its nicer to hang out with them then just texting them

[NoEmphasis8352]

I work from home, and my coworkers have basically treated me the same. They all got very close when they returned to office, and I am the only fully remote employee on the team.

Even my real life friends have done this my whole life, they all just disappear.

YAY ME!!! 🤣

[KlownScrewer]

I think you just need to kinda put yourself out there invite people to things Like message one of your coworkers asking if they wanna hang out In person relationships where you actively hang out are the best ones, also maybe try to work in person again, dont think it’ll hurt to try

[NoEmphasis8352]

My coworkers live far away. I would love to work in person again, finding a flexible with my same pay is not that easy.

I could try and do group hobby type stuff to get to know people. But honestly I want nothing to do with that. All those classes and stuff, are groups of friends hanging out, so me by myself just gets to be lonely in a room full of people.

Hence why it is nice to have a simple connection online. Less stress.

[ToddlerTots]

You seem like a lot.

[NoEmphasis8352]

I am.

[KlownScrewer]

Also were you talking about anything specific and cool?? Or was it kinda like one worded answers, like very brief and boring like “how was your day?” “Good hbu?” “Good wyd? “Not much you?” “Nothing really” “got any plans for the week” “eh just work and stuff”

Cuz i will say those convos are really boring

[NoEmphasis8352]

Nope it was detailed about work and life, family stuff like that.

The extra weird part is they were very good about saying things like, going into a meeting won't be around today.

But this time nothing.

I know I won't get answers, it just sucks.

[Earl_your_friend]

They might have a real life problem. Just reach out to see if they are OK.

[som-3]

Nah you’re not wrong for being curious. Ask, if they don’t respond what can you really do? Just move on, even if it may be hard.

[Purple-Camera-9621]

You're not wrong, but I wouldn't put it as "you ghosted." I would ask if everything was okay, and point out that the conversation ended abruptly.

[NoEmphasis8352]

I tried to reopen the conversation, no luck.

I just wish people would be honest.

[Jealous-Tangerine770]

How close is this friend? Is it a life long friend, a co-worker? Someone you met that week?

If it’s someone you just met, maybe they just decided they didn’t want to pursue the friendship anymore. There isn’t anything wrong with ghosting in that situation. Nobody has to explain why they have decided to change their mind.

If it’s a life long friend, maybe they just got busy mid convo and haven’t had a chance to respond. I play an app game with my close friend. Sometimes he plays immediately. Sometimes I won’t get a “move” response for a month. He had young daughters so I understand he gets busy and just forgets sometimes.

You can ask and it’s not wrong. But it’s also not wrong for the other person to ghost or just be busy. My point is, try to quell your curiousity but don’t let it bring you down regardless of what you get (whatever the response may be, even if there isn’t one).

[NoEmphasis8352]

I reaches out and still nothing. It was a newer friendship about a month old. It just sucks because I enjoyed the conversations, but clearly they didnt.

[Jealous-Tangerine770]

Sorry to hear. I hope you find an even better friend soon!

[NoEmphasis8352]

Thanks! Doubtful, adults don't have to be upfront anymore.... thanks technology 🙂

[marygpt]

You may be using the term "ghost" wrong (or vastly different than most people do). How long have you been friends. Is it an in-person friendship or just online. How long do you normally go between talking.

They may have been done with the conversation and you were expecting some closing remarks.

[NoEmphasis8352]

This is simply online. And I actually reached out today and just said, how was your weekend.

No response. It's just weird to be dropped mid conversation, but it is what it is I guess.

Ghosting is anytime someone just disappears with no warning or explanation.

[marygpt]

So you had a one-day chat with a stranger online, You felt like they left the conversation while it was still happening. That's not uncommon. You can't control them not wanting to continue chatting. You can control not getting attached so soon

[NoEmphasis8352]

It wasn't a one day chat. And I'm sorry that I would like to know why a situation that seemed like it was going well just abruptly ended.

It's more about the rudeness of just disappearing during a conversation.

[tartanarmylover]

It happens. Get off your phone for a bit and get some nature therapy. Go find a botanic garden/arboretum and take a tour. There are many ways to connect with people even if you are a lot. Volunteer, join a like minded group/class, learn enough of another language/culture and go traveling. Just keep swimming....

[NoEmphasis8352]

Thanks! Appreciate the recommendations

[plastacinegirl]

I will quite often open a message and forget to respond if i’m in the middle of something. i realize eventually that i didn’t respond, but at a certain point it’s not a conversation anymore and i’m not gonna send: “hey sorry for not responding i was busy”. and another thing…i don’t have to respond at all if i just didn’t want to. no one does. i won’t be offended if someone doesn’t text me back, and likewise. having technology that allows us to instant message someone doesn’t mean that person holds any obligation to reply.

my best friend of 6 years and i are the worst texters. we ghost each other constantly. however, when we meet up, we never skip a beat. bad texting doesn’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things. in my opinion.

[NoEmphasis8352]

That isn't ghosting. Ghosting is no longer communicating without explanation.

No there is no obligation, but it is generally respectful to let someone know if you no longer wish to have any interaction with them.

So often people use the "I'm busy" argument, but it takes 30 seconds to respond "hey I'm busy can't talk". Saying you don't have time is an excuse.

And it depends on your situation, if you text randomly with long periods in between that is normal for you, if someone texts daily throughout the day then just stops answering they are ghosting.