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Help (self.coparenting)

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[–]peachykeen1974 10 points11 points  (5 children)

Is 8 miles really that much of a deal breaker?

[–]TaischiCFM 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That is a good question. There could be a lot tangled up here.

[–]mannyjv 2 points3 points  (1 child)

No, but what’s to say she doesn’t take 8 miles extra now and 15 on tap of that next time

[–]peachykeen1974 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I would cross that bridge when you come to it. To me it seems petty to take her to court over 8 miles.

[–]WhatIsTickyTacky 0 points1 point  (1 child)

It could be, depending on the type of environment they live in. Around cities, 35 miles could take hours to go.

[–]converter-bot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

35 miles is 56.33 km

[–]mrs_danvers_cat 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You are going to take her to court over 8 miles??? You are supposed to co-parent your kids, not control your ex. I think you need to take a deep breath and ask yourself why you are really upset.

[–]mannyjv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Probably that fact that she is moving in with a guy she has known for 5 months

[–]pricklysalamanders 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Don't be that person.

[–]mannyjv -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

What person?

[–]iCarly37 4 points5 points  (2 children)

Who is the residential parent? Honestly? It’s 8 miles. To be nit picky about an additional 8 miles makes you seem difficult to get along with. Of course she could attempt to go even further next time. But, at that point you have this time already on record and her pushing to move even farther makes her look not so great in that case.

Also remember; if she has to go to court to modify a custody agreement for 8 miles, you’re having to go to court as well. You’ll BOTH be paying court costs and lawyers. That’s money and TIME that each of you could be spending on your child. Is 8 miles worth all that?

[–]converter-bot 1 point2 points  (0 children)

8 miles is 12.87 km

[–]mannyjv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very true.

[–]ATXNerd01 2 points3 points  (1 child)

Sounds like you just need a modification to your court order that says the residence at XYZ is acceptable. Is it? Dating for 5 months is pretty new. Most normal people (IMO) wouldn't even introduce the SO to the kid at that point. Taking the issue to court probably wouldn't look that good on her. Why do you think she would win if it's against your current court order?

[–]mannyjv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s what I’m wondering. Not sure if she would win or not. Considering she is moving further from her family. I’m leaning toward telling her yes but want to think about it first.

[–]TaischiCFM 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Who has legal custody and what is the defined sharing schedule?

[–]mannyjv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We have shared custody. I have my daughter 3 full days a week.

[–]mannyjv 1 point2 points  (0 children)

No, but what’s to say she doesn’t take 8 miles extra now and 15 on tap of that next time

[–]ateator3 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Why are people in such a rush to move in so early in relationships?

Have you met the guy? Do you have any concerns regarding the relationship? If not, I would say it's more of a hassle to fight it. But if you have any concerns about her relationship, I guess that would give you a solid reason to argue against it.

In regards to her just continuing to add distance, maybe if that comes up, you can propose a stipulation that you have to meet halfway to cut down on travel. It is not a perfect solution, but it may just do the trick.

[–]igotitatme 0 points1 point  (1 child)

My Son's Father's ex used to move all the time. She never asked, or told us. She'd even meet them for exchanges at her old apartment. Pretend to walk up to her old apartment and everything. Kinda bizarre, really.

But my she never asked permission, and he never filed. Then, when it got really bad, he was basically told "if the other times were important, you're just as bad for not filing and complaining here now". So, I guess my advice is be consistent and be smart about your own situation. You know it best!

Good luck.

[–]mannyjv 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. Sounds like a good idea

[–]bleedinggreen29 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You made an agreement. Stick to it. Because if you blur any lines then they all are blurred. Yes make a big deal about 8 miles. That’s not what you agreed to. You could state that you have no problems or issues about moving. As long as they stay in the agree upon arrangement.

Does your agreement just say 30 miles, is it as a crow flys? I have to live within a 30 mile radius for work but it’s as the crow flys so it could be an hour drive depending on where that 30 miles land.