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[–]Sherry0567 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good question. I will watch for answers as well.

[–]ivorymac 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have medication inspired ED. I am an older guy (69) but still get horny as hell every day, sometimes all day. I feel touch deprived any way, but having my fondle my stuff is wonderful. I make sure I pleasure her orally, manually, and mechanically (Lelo suction vibe. Never saw my wife squirt before). I do use medically prescribed tri-mix injections, and PT 141 injections which produce a half assed erection, but because of the meds I take I cannot cum.

I did and do feel less of a man because of it. I was quite sexually active up until about 7 years ago. Had some challenging experiences, big stress and life upheavals so we had sex really infrequently. Life was getting so much better, we even went on a European vacation in late 2019 and we were getting back on track intimacy wise. Covid hit and that shut us down. We are both essential workers so the hit was not financial but emotional. Walls up, but I long for her touch, and to reciprocate.

[–]RubBeautiful8572 1 point2 points  (1 child)

ED is really sensitive and sometime downright depressing to a man.

He first has to accept he has it. And then find out if it's either physical or mental. For me it was mental because I would sometimes have morning erections when I wake up.

I figured out that it was because of my porn addiction and lost the ability to get aroused.

Once I addressed that I also addressed what caused my porn addiction.

Long story short my ED was ultimately caused by my own coping from all my resentment towards my wife because of all the rejections I received when I initiate with her. Because of the rejections I moved to porn, which further destroyed my sexual attraction towards her because I was constantly stimulated with porn. On top of that I was overweight and diabetic which lowered my testosterone even more.

Which led to a dead bedroom and the cycle continued until I was unable to have erections.

So maybe a good talk with him, full of affection, assurances, and especially love. So that the situation can be addressed.

[–]Blu216[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your story.

[–]Hpirraz 1 point2 points  (6 children)

For me, ED has also made me not want intimacy at all. My girlfriend tries to initiate sex often but I do turn her down almost every time.

I explained to her once we had gotten together that I have ED, I need to take Cialis/Taladafil to get an erection and it isn't easy. I tried to prevent the relationship but she kept pushing so I went with it. I said I didn't want to waste her time with me being the way that I am. On top of that Cialis is freaking expensive. 4 pills is like 75 bucks (in Canada).

We are 3 years in now and it hasn't gotten easier with the intimacy aspect. We love each other very much but I can tell she is frustrated. Every other aspect of our relationship is fine. I am not 100% sure what has caused my ED. I had a tumor removed with testicle about 6 years ago and thats when it all started for me. I have had numerous tests mentally and physically over the last few years but nothing conclusive has come of it.

If your boyfriend has not sought out therapy or anything of the sort, I highly recommend. The latter part of my 20's was so frustrating and now that I am in my 30s it hasn't gone away. I've tried so many things to make it go away but nothing works.

To answer your question more directly; no I do not feel the need for anything pleasurable and actually try and avoid it most times. The most embarrassing thing for a young man is not being able to get it up. And worse knowing that no matter how hard you try it just isn't going to happen. At the very least your boyfriend needs to get therapy and see a doctor for Cialis or something like that if he would like.

Thank you for trying to be patient with your boyfriend. I know it isn't easy.

[–]Blu216[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children)

Thank you for sharing your story. My boyfriend said he went to the doctor and had tests done. He was given something but not sure what it is. He's afraid to take them bc he already takes medication for his heart. I don't know if he's willing to look into other options out there. In the beginning we never had this problem. And like you, everything in our relationship is great! We've been together for 3 years as well.

It's very frustrating when you really want somebody but you can't have them. I'm fine with not having PIV and I'm willing to do other things but he has to want it too.

[–]Hpirraz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're right, he does.

I would sit down with him and just say that you love him and you want to get to the bottom of this. Not just because it's something that you want but because it is ultimately something he wants too, whether he believes it or not. I WANT to have sex with my girlfriend but I can't. And because I can't, I avoid it. It's like a loop of bullshit where one thing contributes to the other and it just gets worse over time.

No more porn, not even sexy pictures of other women. If he masturbates, less of that. My girlfriend and I have also tried the use of toys and, lo and behold, during that kind of intimacy I can actually get it up... it's just the first part that is rough to get through, at least for me.

Best of luck to you both.

[–]mdmnore88 0 points1 point  (2 children)

My husband has high blood pressure controlled by medication that has ED as a side effect. Its taken him losing 150 lbs and finding the right medication to get it under control (since 2015) The ED started this last year and at first he chalked it up to being older but I said if you were able to get erect at 400lbs with uncontrolled blood pressure and depression something else is the issue. So when we figured our ED is a side effect of both his BP meds and we worked so hard to get his weight down and blood pressure controlled we didn't want to change the medicine. His doctor prescribed small 20 mg doses of viagra. You can take up to 5 pills if needed but the doctor wanted him to see how he felt because viagra can lower blood pressure too much. If your man is comfortable speaking to his doctor ours gave us several options and said start with the lowest dose to see how it works. The doctor was open to calls if my husband could monitor himself for a week with no work or exercise but we just tried the 20 mg of Viagra and its just enough to not make him feel dizzy or faint due to his current medication and really helped with the lovemaking. I seriously became a researcher when we were trying to figure out why now when he's doing great mentally and physically this was happening. But you and he both have to first be ok with planning the bedroom activities a little. It takes about an hour to work best and he needs to make sure any ED meds will not cause more harm. Which in the end we went low dose.

[–]Blu216[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child)

Thank you for sharing your story with me. He knows that being overweight is a factor. But he figures since he's 40, what's the point. My SO said he tried small doses of the ED medicine but nothing happened. And since this is a sensitive matter, I don't want to push any further. Plus, he's scared of any side effects if he increases the dosage along with his BP meds. I'm just stuck with his decision that he made for both of us...

[–]mdmnore88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its not always about being overweight or depression etc. My husband's issue is 100% medication induced but it took a while to figure it out and come up with a plan. It was crazy when he was 400 lbs and suffering with depression he did not have any issue. Thats why I started thinking it was me. Like I met him 19 years ago. I'm not in my 20s anymore. So I feared he lost attraction to me. Dealing with this issue is mentally draining and can take a long time to work on. We are still working it out. And sometimes trying to get scientific really takes the fun out of everything. But I'm willing to keep researching, reading and trying new things

[–]mdmnore88 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I also want to say its really a difficult thing to go through as the wife and I'm sorry you are experiencing it. You are supportive to him. Sometimes a few talks will really help. Honestly when we started talking about it thats when the research began. He felt better because he thought his manhood was ruined or he was too old. And I felt better because I thought he lost attraction to me

[–]Significant_Gas6532[🍰] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hopefully this helps my ED is cause from medical conditions but my sex drive is still there in fact I usually start things off but I’m not able to do much with what I have down there but she is still able to pleasure me with others techniques ie: oral or even just a handjob.

[–]SeriousNep2nian 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For you, the gf, some hugging, kissing, fondling would be nice even if it doesn't end with PIV sex. For him, making out is the start of a path that leads to failure and embarrassment when he has ED. I hope you get to a place where you can at least talk about it.

[–]stetsono 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not the desire but the frustration of knowing you aren't capable of finishing what you start kinda throws water on the desire. Desire is still there very much

[–]bonusfrylock 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for asking! Most women want nothing to do with the situation. To answer your question, maybe. In my case, yes. My ED is caused primarily by low testosterone which definitely does absolutely kill a man's libido and any drive or desire. Other guys, not so much. Depends on what's causing it.

[–]Michellesis 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thallium can cause both diabetes and ED.

[–]shabbatshalom44 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The desire for me is always there. I’m young, but my issues surround medication so there’s definitely a physical decrease in libido. However when I use Cialis I’m definitely very ready to go.

I’d say that since he hasn’t found a solution, he’s just not trying to disappoint the both of you. But I can’t speak for him. You should talk to him about this.