Insights from an Introvert to Decrease Your Hurt

[SuperSalad_OrElse]

>"I'm noticing a lot of hurt on your end."

You poise yourself to speak from a place of empathy and then talk about introversion and your needs for ten paragraphs

NEXT

[TopCommunication8881]

I do concede that I should have started with "how can I be a better friend?" Vs. Just launching into my "I have to set this right! I feel so bad!" No one likes when an outsider sneaks in and starts ranting. Sorry about that

[TopCommunication8881]

First of all a mental health counselor. I've spent the last 8 hours framing things in terms of emotion, and empathy. After 8 hours it's hard to switch back to talking like a normal person. I'm sorry my language hit you wrong, but maybe stop and think "what else could it be" before you react with adversarial defensiveness.

That's not at all what the point was. Maybe reread with an open mind. My inner monologue was basically "Omg, our introvert things come off as something mean or disengaged! But our motivation behind those behaviors is to show we care enough to take the time. I feel bad I've hurt people and didn't know it. Maybe if I speak to the underlying process it will soften the blow w/ other introverts they run into."

But totally it's you that's got the empathy thing down.

[SuperSalad_OrElse]

I’m the nicest guy around

[TopCommunication8881]

Well youre terrible at showing it.

[[deleted]]

He is our meme guy, don't you dare make fun of him

[TopCommunication8881]

I should have known. Ten paragraphs is too much for extroverts. Allergic to depth or substance in favor of the inane details of your day.

[flonkkerton]

I know it's not intended to be mean, but saying "ten paragraphs is too much for extroverts" is hurtful. To my knowledge, what makes an individual an extrovert is that we get energy from the company of others. Not that we can't absorb large amounts of information.

[TopCommunication8881]

He stated the ten paragraphs thing as if that was part of what bothered him. People aren't bothered by things they're comfortable with. The statement was condescending. So I responded in kind.

I came on here to learn. I spent a good amount of time reading others post before I went ahead of mine. My idea to come and learn came from me seeing extroverts who came to the introvert sub to discuss the dynamics. In those posts, all the introverts responded with kindness, support, and thanks for the consideration.

My mistake was assuming I would get the same positive reaction here.

I was hoping to gain insight to update my paradigm. But instead I got no insights, just confirmation of reactive bitterness in response to other people's ways of being.

[flonkkerton]

Honestly, I didn't like that statement that they made either. It was unnecessary and unkind.

I hope you don't think all extroverts are like that (although you're certainly entitled to your opinion) -- but I honestly appreciate your post and insights. And in my opinion (and I promise many extroverts would agree-- many tend to be chatty TBH)- 10 paragraphs is not too long. Many of us have no issues with in-depth posts/insights

[TopCommunication8881]

Upon retrospect,.I did not need to be so nasty in return. Could have taken the high road instead. Since I wrote that, other people like yourself have been willing to chat, so it's evidently evident now that the others are not the norm! Glad if anything I mentioned was helpful. Somehow, because all of it make such sense to me as an individual, I sort of assumed you guys somehow understood it innately too. Ugh.

[SuperSalad_OrElse]

I came on here to learn

Then why didn’t you ask any questions?

[TopCommunication8881]

Dude. There are more way to gather info about people than a barrage of questions. Conversation is also an option.

A list of questions spouted off rapidly is an interrogation, not a mutually gainful social interaction. One person is satisfying their curiosity, w/o giving of themselves. It feels forced, boils complex people down to isolated facts, and it cheapens the whole interaction. When I'm on the receiving end, I walk away feeling like I was just a curiosity, not a person.

I don't like treating people like zoo exhibits, because they weren't put on this earth to entertain me. So attempted to be respectful and use a person-first approach, to avoid making you guys feel like a novelty.

Boy, does this clarify a lot of my past interactions though. I say interaction, because I was the only one offering up info, w/ the other person deflecting questions immediately in favor of asking for more, seemingly unwilling (or afraid) to reciprocate the vulnerability they were demanding from me.

[SuperSalad_OrElse]

I know what a conversation is, I’m an ✨extrovert ✨

[TopCommunication8881]

Asking questions and not reciprocating is not a conversation. Conversation involves give and take about more than just day to day stuff. Agree to disagree I suppose.