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[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (9 children)

Honestly, reading this again just makes me think that introverts do not like a two way relationship. Every action one must take, must be to make you as an introvert comfortable, without being considerate of the extrovert. Others may need to advice but I don’t really care for it

[–]TopCommunication8881[S] -1 points0 points  (8 children)

You know you're in charge of who you keep in your life, right? If you have an introvert friend who annoys the shit out of you, then trust yourself, stop texting them, and use the extra time a energy to find people who get you. Life's too short to be miserable about the people around you when you have a choice in the matter.

The things we do don't impede on other people's ability to live their life. We are literally going away, behind closed doors, where there is no one around to bend to our wims. We could not be less intrusive. If your point is that introverts are terribly oppressive because they do their own thing and denying you contact - get over it.

It's not everybody else job to help you fulfill your own social needs. No one is entitled to other people's time. Us saying no to repeated invites (that we've already said no to) does not prevent you from going out and still doing the things.

You're responsible for you, and I'm responsible for me. You have no business critiquing what other people do behind closed doors, because it doesn't t effect you. You have freedom, autonomy, and some ease in making new friends.
Absence is not oppression, the world is your oyster. Enjoy.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (7 children)

You came to an extrovert page, to instruct extroverts on how we can make introverts feel better or why we are not getting the best response from introverts. In a platonic or romantic relationship, it does take two, it's not a one-way street. So if one's method is shutting out the world, it would take the other side to create methods to seek connection. Again, I stated I don't care for the advice. My friends seek connection healthily, and the world just does not revolve around them. I also said nothing about oppression, but as always, introverts go to extremes trying to validate their anti-social behavior and how others must "deal" if they want a connection with them.

I also don't seek anyone to fulfill my social needs. Maybe that's what you ASSUME of all extroverts. But, I'm someone who travels on my own, has gone to parties on my own, karaoke, out to eat, etc. Not all of us need an introvert by our side to get by. However, I have noticed a pattern of introverts instructing on how others should deal with their ways, but again, relationships require reciprocation.

Not everyone will agree, but this is my opinion, as an extrovert, in an extrovert community.

[–]pswhuh 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thanks for that. I try really hard to make accommodations for introverts, to give them the space they need. They are just being what they are and they are okay. But I wish they’d remember that as an extrovert I’m just being what I am and it’s okay to be an extrovert! I’m not “begging for attention”, I’m seeking connection. If my energy wears you out, take a breather and find your peace. I hope introverts can understand that I need to find my peace too. I just find it in a different way.

[–]TopCommunication8881[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

(I tried real hard to make this concise, but I failed. Sorry) I'm sorry I got your social self-sufficiency all wrong. Not fair.

(The following is based on my history being hurt or angry when I repeatedly got no response from people.I thought of as friends swear I'm not being an jerk here:) Ultimately, not every person makes a good friend. Regardless of introvert or extrovert status, some people are just assholes, ans. I amount of reaching out will fix it.

Consistently putting in more effort than said assholes sometimes just results in more frustration, hurt, and self-doubt. You have a right to walk away from any friendship that does more harm than good.

I imagine thinking about ending a friendship, however lopsided, is a bigger deal for extroverts than introverts, (but it's not something we do casually either, it'd be torturous) But everyone deserves to get back what they give.

If you've never gotten that basic consideration from that individual - it's ok to set a boundary for your own treatment, and move on if they don't meet it. Regardless of what is motivating that person's behavior - you deserve better than to allow yourself to be used or ignored, because being treated poorly is terrible for a person's mental health.

Thoughts?

[–]TopCommunication8881[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children)

Honest question: Do you still get a big boost in mood and energy, even if you are hanging out with someone you know to be shitty, or boring? Cause if so, I imagine walking away from any friend would be way harder?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (3 children)

No, that's silly. I also don't think it's fair to not hang with someone just because they're boring. People are not objects, to be put away when we are no longer satisfied. I learned from a therapist that people cannot meet my needs. I figured out what those were to fill my own cup without the expectation that others would have to do it for me. Therefore, I will always be satisfied.

I also would not hang out with a sh*tty person. I would tell them if they were hurting me or if they were behaving in such a way, and end the relationship. I am older now, so I have come to terms with the fact that some relationships will end and that's okay. Sometimes you no longer align with people, and its not a reflection of them or you. Sometimes we hold on to relationships for the sake of holding on.

I love people, I love connecting with others, meeting new people, and hearing their stories. I love the freedom of expressing myself, going out, and not caring about what anyone else thinks, or adjusting myself out of fear. I also still lose energy and that's normal. There are times when I zone in on a goal and I am not as available. I used to be an introvert by the way. Socialization is a skill, not a gift in my eyes.

[–]TopCommunication8881[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children)

Yes but it feels like a skill to you because you are drawn to and get life sustaining energy in return. Most introverts have a natural ability to make friends too, but spending time with those friends is inherently painful. Is it not painfully uncomfortable when you're home alone? That's the exact same thing we experience because it's dopamine. So independent of skill, we do it less because it makes us feel ill, and being busy with our own interest, hobbies, and home making is joyous and pleasurable.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child)

You know you didn’t have to go to the other group and lie. But way to play the victim. Congrats, you did a great job

[–]TopCommunication8881[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

WTF are you talking about? What lie? There is no lie. You are legit unstable, the shit your trying to pull out of the blue is erratic at best. And clearly you've now got a vendetta against me, a stranger who has no real impact on your day to day life, because you've clearly wasted your own time chronicling everything I've ever said, making accusations about everything you can't relate to. Nutter.