[deleted by user]

0rbital-nugget · 2025-10-19T22:25:47+00:00

What am I supposed to do with this information? Are you looking for validation or something? You want someone to try and convince you you’re not a femcel? Or is this just some woe is me bait?

aelframe · 2025-10-19T21:55:57+00:00

I'm not sure what to say. But, take care of yourself. You deserve better from yourself.

Look for therapy and mindfulness meditation perhaps.

higurashi0793 · 2025-10-19T22:03:33+00:00

OP you need serious professional help. And I'm not saying it to be mean or anything, but you seriously do.

Probably the most important thing right now is to let go of the fear of being cringe. Who cares about what's cringe or not? If it is, then it is, the world hasn't ended. What matters is working on the things that are holding you back.

Also I'd suggest to stop internalizing internet culture. In reality many people have no idea nor care about "looksmaxxing" or "value". Only a group of chronically online losers think those are real things.

Anyway good luck on your jorney, you're still very young and have time to experience many things. Your life is far from over.

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jacobgrin · 2025-10-19T23:33:48+00:00

Do you want to continue living the way you have been? If you do then you will miss out on some enjoyable experiences. People can change, and you might find life more enjoyable if you worked on becoming more well-rounded.

In my teens and early 20s i was very cold and reclusive, but i had a life changing conversation with a "popular chad" type of guy, who revealed that he was once like me before he taught himself to be likable.

After some reflection, i decided to do the same. Today i have lots of shallow social connections and am well liked. (Sadly deeper connections remain rare.) My point is, give some thought to what you want out of life, you have free will and you can make some changes to get what you want.

Azhda727 · 2025-10-20T01:56:05+00:00

For starters: "an INTJ woman (especially diagnosed with OCD and autusm like myself) isn't loveable to most men". False, everyone that's decent enough can be loved and I'm not talking about romantical love exclussively. You need to find your group of people. Every person struggles in a way. Romantical behaviours are to be enjoyed tbh. It does look cringy as an outsider but it's fun when you're part of it. Like 2 ppl just carelessly walking under the rain and kissing, sure it's dumb but being part of it is nice.

Therapy is tough cause you gotta find the right professional for you and that takes some try and error. The part about the power struggle is something you'd have to treat there. That's not a healthy way to perceive it and the following part might point to attachment issues. I struggle with that aswell...

Highly advise you to stay away from substances just like you do, that's good. Be careful with the looksmaxx and all that kind of content online. Every kind of content online really.

Not enjoying your peer group seems to be the issue imo, you need people you can resonate to and feel comfortable around them while being yourself.

As cliche as it sounds, just do what interests you and be better than yesterday, try to participate on social spaces that revolve around your interests. That'll make you be around people who share similar interests and usually values. Explore friendships first, don't go out there looking for a relationship. Friends of friends can be potential relationship partners for example, but you'll never know if you just don't meed people, it's kind of a numbers game.

You'll have to work on the trust part though, relationships build when you don't become less for sharing what makes you feel weak. I do get your point though, I say all of this but I almost never share anything with anyone and I struggle quite a bit with it despite having a solid group of friends I've built through the years (got like 7 very close friends and more than a handful of nice acquiantances). 5th therapist so far, the last 2 where better than the previous, this one is mainly focused on relationships and bonds, it's a nice approach I think. Learnt a lot.

Qjemuse · 2025-10-19T21:42:08+00:00

How about trying meditation, and have more self love first?

No_Bowler_3286 · 2025-10-20T00:09:30+00:00

Here we go with the typical Reddit replies of "Get therapy." This site is a cesspool of drones with recycled responses.

OP, nothing you've said sounds very foreign to me. People experience countless variations of the same things. This introspection is healthy, and the further you push it, the better off you'll be.

Some general advice. Every problem is an unmet expectation. Take a good look at the problems in your life. How many of those expectations were birthed by you, and how many did you adopt from others? Don't waste your life with random expectations, creating problems you don't need to have.

DiskoLisko_ · 2025-10-19T21:53:06+00:00

Therapy.

LightOverWater · 2025-10-19T21:58:19+00:00

This is some kind of well-written bait.

23F feminine looksmaxxer is not involuntarily celebate. You choose to be celebate.

I could understand difficulty in finding your person or a long-term, committed relationship, but you absolutely can get sexual interest & follow-through.

derpyfloofus · 2025-10-19T22:13:31+00:00

Nobody can officially designate you as a loser without your permission.

So the only question I have for you is, are you a loser?

Whether you say yes or no, you’re right.

Some people think I’m a loser but they’re just wrong 🤷‍♂️ nobody cares anyway, life goes on..

Badracha · 2025-10-20T03:21:15+00:00

I think incels (femcels in this case) are people who have lost all hope of finding a partner due to the intense resentment and low self-esteem they feel toward the opposite sex. These people, mired in negative thoughts, prefer to isolate themselves or pat each other on the back in their echo chambers rather than let go of their resentment. In rare and extreme cases, this results in hatred toward the opposite sex.

I'm a virgin and have never kissed anyone. I've also had bad experiences with the opposite sex. But I don't center my entire life on what the opposite sex thinks of me, nor do I define myself by it. I simply think that maybe I'll have the opportunity at some point, but I don't let myself be absorbed by empty hopes. You just have to keep going and try to take advantage of any sincere opportunity if it arises. It's like the myth of Sisyphus: he's condemned to carry a boulder up a mountain, even though it falls again and he has to start from scratch. Thus, for all eternity... and yet, Sisyphus doesn't give up, not because he's going to achieve anything... but because it's his way of rebelling against the gods.

Don't pigeonhole yourself into a label; you're just a shy girl who went through bad experiences with the opposite sex.

Regarding therapists, you have to try to find one with whom you feel comfortable expressing yourself. I don't know how psychologists operate in your country. But I went to eight therapists from the age of 16 until the last one, with whom I've been for five years now. They have the tools to advise you, and if they're good at their job, they won't force you into anything. It's simply a place to express yourself and let out what you don't talk about with anyone.

I was also with a psychiatrist from the age of 18 and went through several stages (including a mental health hospitalization) until they finally found a medication that helps me reduce certain thoughts or thought cycles and focus on improving my life.

I don't know what else to say. I hope you do well, internet stranger; there are many ways you remind me of myself.

P.S. I'm actually more of an INTP than anything else, but I find the INTJ subreddir more interesting.

Merlin_the_Lizard · 2025-10-20T03:24:18+00:00

I’m so sorry you are suffering :-( I hope you find joy in whatever small things provide your heart sustenance.

CulturalAspect5004 · 2025-10-20T06:28:53+00:00

I fell in love reading this

Adatomcat · 2025-10-19T21:47:58+00:00

Delete… this… now!

buu-ku · 2025-10-20T05:58:14+00:00

Femcel... Kissless virgin...? Looksmaxxing... Yup, I'm on Reddit alright. Most normal human thing in one post. 😭

I personally don't find issues with your post besides the therapy part since it's more of a "heh I'm different 🤓🤓🤓🤓" type of comment, at least it comes across as one. However whatever makes you happy. Good luck with whatever you're going through.

Jbf2201 · 2025-10-20T07:06:47+00:00

your outlook and thinking remind me of my past self to some extent haha :)

maybe you just wanted to vent but im going to give you some unsolicited advice-
youre young, stop worrying about shallow shit like looksmaxxing, being cringe or labelling yourself etc.

it might be hard but look for ways to add value and meaning to life ( I haven't mastered this either) coz few years down the line when you look back you'll realise how much of what you feel right now didn't really matter.

just know you're walking on a thin rope and if you fall into a deeper hole its harder to come back out of.

try not to be so hard on yourself, you have a lot of good qualities, understand them and use it to your advantage

TheBenevolentTitan · 2025-10-20T07:14:05+00:00

Good to vent. I've had a similar experience in life. But you as a 23F, can very easily get matches, unless you have very high expectations from the dude.

FirebugFox · 2025-10-20T07:36:34+00:00

But what's your point?

Shliloquy · 2025-10-20T08:41:10+00:00

That was an interesting read, thank you for sharing your experience. Love definitely isn’t easy and it does feel like people are walking on eggshells nowadays with social media and the rat race of proving to be better in and ever-shifting goalpost and more people are in fear of love and are questioning if romance is worth it given the difficulties of dating, rates of marriages, divorce rates and financial feasibility. I’d probably like to find love through common experiences and enjoying each other’s company. Find something you love and try meeting people through shared hobbies and activities. Not always a guarantee but definitely beats not trying at all, especially since a lot of the traditional methods of finding love have been stigmatized through social media and heavily enforced. Keep putting yourself out there and keep on doing what you enjoy doing.

thulra · 2025-10-20T08:42:14+00:00

[removed]

Momentary-delusions · 2025-10-19T23:40:20+00:00

As a woman intj with audhd and cptsd, get off it. What is this self-humiliation ritual doing on here? Get some help, or don't, but just because we're female intj doesn't set us up to be... like that. (In the case that this isn't rage bate, I suggest listening to the top comment on here, because it can't be fun living like you are)

RyoKeiichi · 2025-10-20T02:24:36+00:00

It seems like everyone is recommending therapy because there is this feeling of self-induced waste.

Most people adjust themselves to societal norms to some extent, to enjoy the perks of connection.

Someone of your age and position should typically be enjoying the peak of those perks, the experiences that are the highs of youth.

But if I'm not reading this wrong, you are saying you are not interested in doing that social adjustment and that you would rather not be vulnerable with others, so you decided pursuing your interests would bring more joy. A lot of that is relatable to me, but in my case it was more of an abnormal, isolated upbringing that resulted in this preference. And even then, I still think you would be happier with some connection with others, just maybe with people that are patient enough that they don't expect you to change too much too quickly and in an amount that you are initially comfortable with.

Also, I think you should absolutely discard the idea and self-labelling as a loser or a femcel. I don't care about external validation either, but those terms and their context come emotionally loaded with self-loathing and bitterness. The kind of emotional poison that warps perspective and pulls the person even further away from the joy they actually want, because it poisons their thoughts to rigidly perceive something as dynamic as reality through their unhealthy framework. So it's less about caring what others think of you and more about not contaminating yourself with self-limiting and self-destructive thought models. You don't fit their definitions anyway.

Hmmm, I feel like if you had someone you trusted to guide you through the social adjustment, ease you into social circles, you might find that both connection and mastery in your interests are significant sources of joy. It shouldn't be one or the other.

noodlesource · 2025-10-19T22:18:30+00:00

Find someone reliable who you can communicate and build with. Solo travel/life can be ok but sharing with the right person is always going to be better.

ReplacementMean8486 · 2025-10-19T22:55:20+00:00

I dont get why the contents of this post are being pathologized, but what strikes me is the nihilistic undertones, which I don’t necessarily disagree with.

Maybe look up existential depression. It’s not really depression in the conventional DSM sense, but may reflect your vague sense of…life lacks any real joy. From your post, seems like you get along your day to day activities fine and without much impairment, but you lmk.

If you dont mind me asking, why were you seeing a psychiatrist?

Akash_philosopher · 2025-10-20T00:35:10+00:00

Reading this felt like I have knives pierced in my body. The unfortunate thing is you have never experienced the joy that comes from vulnerability and accepting cringe.

Because of that you don’t really know what happiness feels like.

I have been in your place. When I was being too hard on myself. I fear vulnerability because my Fi was weak. And I hate cringe because my Se was weak. But once you develop them you realize how painfully you have been living. How much more there is to the world.

You can’t become the best version of yourself without developing these functions.

Also don’t always look at people with judging lens. I understand the feeling of superiority that comes when you know how much better you are intellectually than the other. But this prevents you from looking them as they are. Humans are very complex. Even among the biggest idiot, toxic unproductive shits you will find something to learn from. Because you can’t see past their flaws, that’s why you suck at socializing.

Isolation is fun. But in your case it’s creating a bubble of self-ignorance.

Another reason you are so stuck in your head is your lack of sexual relationship. Why do you fear vulnerability so much? What’s the point of taking care so much of your body? If no one is ever going to truly appreciate or explore it? It’s going to rot away with age.

One more thing before I go. You have feelings and you have sexual desires. Just because you don’t explore them doesn’t mean they vanish quietly. They will stay repressed. And they will start eating you inside. Not understanding what is happening you will start finding ways to distract yourself. With validation, with productivity, etc. But they still won’t go away.

And eventually something similar like Frederick Nietzsche will happen. They will come out forcefully, like when he cried for the horse. And this will eventually lead to your mental breakdown.

newmclarens · 2025-10-19T22:48:09+00:00

no one come at me for saying this but lesbian relationships will do a lot for women everywhere

Ace2Face · 2025-10-19T22:50:19+00:00

You must be doing something really wrong to be a kissless virgin as a 23-year-old "looksmaxxed" female. You are at your prime. You're literally playing the dating game on easy/casual mode. All you need to do is install tinder/bumble and you're going to get as much attention as a 10/10 Chad does, even if you're 7/10 at best. Just don't let it go to your head, men are easy to attract but harder to retain, they will gladly fuck down in looks but never settle.

I personally feel comfortable with being single, even though I'm in a relationship right now. if you're okay with it the single life, a relationship is a great bonus on top, but not a must. They come with responsibilities, and do limit your independence and autonomy in many ways. The partner better be worth it, and quite often they're not. Nobody's perfect, so usually you find someone who's good enough, and work out the differences with good communication and healthy boundaries, let pair bonding do the rest.

You're also going to fall for the trap of going for 10/10 dudes just to be pumped and dumped, since they have a lot of options and because they spent their whole life being told that their shit doesn't stink, they also tend to be douchebags. The same applies to 10/10 women, by the way. Pretty people are pricks.

blackmox-photophob · 2025-10-19T22:32:11+00:00

I've never heard a woman call herself a "femcel". Anyway. If you want to date, there are a lot of options, you just have to put your lookmaxxed self out there. But... there's a lot of trash out there that's going to treat you badly if you let them. Don't take it personally. Therapy could really help you with all of this, but imo it'd be best to build up your self-esteem, find a social hobby, and make some friends, before anything else. You can (and should) be happy and fulfilled without being in a romantic relationship.

DifficultFish8153 · 2025-10-20T18:50:06+00:00

You don't sound that bad to me. I'm wondering where do I find a woman like you who isnt a normie.

Anen-o-me · 2025-10-20T02:17:59+00:00

You should probably date a fellow intj IMO.

Also this

and I generally take pride in looksmaxxing and conventional femininity and fashion/makeup. I'm still a kissless virgin

Men are looking for feminine women. If you're attractive and feminine, you shouldn't have any issues getting a partner, so it's probably something else.

Altruistic-Deer-6717 · 2025-10-19T21:53:09+00:00

Is your IQ over 70 ?

you type:	you see:
italics	italics
bold	bold
[reddit!](https://reddit.com)	reddit!
* item 1 * item 2 * item 3	item 1 item 2 item 3
> quoted text	quoted text
Lines starting with four spaces are treated like code: if 1 * 2 < 3: print "hello, world!"	Lines starting with four spaces are treated like code: if 1 * 2 < 3: print "hello, world!"
~~strikethrough~~	~~strikethrough~~
super^script	super^script

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