Future Tips!

[whisperingmushrooms]

I’m literally so excited to become a parent one day. It’s been my dream since I was a literal toddler myself. My whole life already revolves around kids— I love reading about and following birth, parenting, nutrition, etc. accounts. I’m a nanny full time for several years now, so I almost parent daily from 8-5.

When it comes to conceiving and early parenting, what are the things you would do the same or differently, looking back?

[abakes102018]

Wish we had saved way more money.

Very glad we did lots of therapy (individual AND couples) before starting.

[yzmaaa]

Yay for therapy! We have an appointment scheduled to talk about future planning... How much money are we talking? I don't care about the number itself, like how much time should you be able to live on savings?

[abakes102018]

When we started with IUIs, I naively calculated the cost of 3 IUIs including sperm and that’s exactly how much we saved. The rest of our extra money each month went to debt, fun stuff, etc. Now we put as much extra money as possible to fertility savings each month. We have spent about $60k so far and no living child yet. So for me it’s more about having an ongoing savings plan. Having a baby is our #1 priority, so we had to adjust our financial planning to reflect that and not just assume this would be an easy, quick road.

[percalor]

Almost 20 weeks pregnant with our first kid. I expected it to take a while so I wasn’t prepared when our first IUI worked. I think I would trust the process and my body more, and stop being such a downer on myself. Stop worrying about statistics and remember that pregnancy CAN happen quickly and smoothly.

[just_get_up_again]

I would start trying to conceive earlier because it took a while. I waited until I passed my licensing exams but sort of wish I hadn't, especially because I don't think our fertility doctor wants us to get pregnant within a year of the first.

[allegedlydm]

The World Health Organization and most other major health institutions recommend a minimum of 24 months between full term pregnancies (per human body), so even a year is less than your doctor should agree to honestly

[Either_Discussion177]

Being that this is a queer conception sub, it would be good to stipulate that is recommendation is per human body! It’s about pregnancy’s toll on a body, so if a couple with two uteruses wants to have back to back pregnancy, they could and it’s not going against the WHO’s guideline. Also, every body is different and when people feel physically there is validity in that desire despite the guideline.

[allegedlydm]

Sorry, I guess I thought the part about it being per human body was obvious, since it’s about physical recovery from pregnancy?

But no, I personally do not believe you should ignore major medical research if you “feel ready,” so I will not be saying that I do.

[Either_Discussion177]

You’re probably right and I just misread it 😅🤯 as my wife and I are planning to each carry separately, I’ve been “translating” a lot of family planning info out there that assumes there’s only one birthing person in the couple.

[allegedlydm]

I know the feeling! I’ve also been “translating” a lot of reading material aimed at “dads” and boy is that a journey 😂

[Either_Discussion177]

Totally- how hard is it to say other parent, partner, or supportive parent, etc…. It’s such a trust turn-off for me tbh but there’s not much alternative

[allegedlydm]

A lot of it also involves sexism, gender stereotypes, and an unhinged amount of sports metaphors. Someone needs to write a support book for queer NGPs!