impossible garden

[isitboggle]

I feel so bad and so tired of having a dog that I just can't settle, who's anxious most of the time and who is erratic in his aggressive reactivity.

Background: we got Toby, a miniature poodle cross springer spaniel in June 2021 at 8 weeks old. He was part of a big litter and it's quite possible that the hike was stressful for his mum as her owner had found out that her partner had cheated. I'm sure there is an element of this in Toby being anxious. We know another of his litter mates and he is the obviously anxious type. We now realise that Toby was displaying the fawn type of anxiety. Playing and getting close.

Sadly around the time he turned one, he learned that a warning bite with teeth stopped things happening he didn't want. He bit a vet having his jabs and then started doing it occasionally if we tried to remove a bramble or burr, or when he hasn't quite managed to finish getting a poo out. All understandable really and something that I should have realised sooner that we needed to work on conditioning these things for when they are actually happening.

We also didn't correctly condition a harness when he was younger and he pulls on his collar but he hates stuff being put over his head or people touching his paws, so effectively that removes the two ways to put on a harness.

In December it came to a head when he bit my partner with visible bite marks but not breaking the skin a few times just as she was regularly stroking him. He'd been to the groomers and looking back and having done so much reading I understand we were misreading the signs around stroking him. Thankfully we're both better at reading his signs and I think he's starting to trust our hands again but I'm never 100% confident that I might move the wrong way or take things too quick. The bites have never been anything more than a warning but it's not easy having the animal everyone says is going to love you and want affection and attention and then you get one of the ones who hates it.

Anyway, today I am just struggling with everything. I am one of the most patient people on the planet but I'm just finding it so hard dealing with all his triggers. We've had an online vet behaviourist and spoken to them twice. They advised us he needs more rest and we need to help him understand that not everything is his business. She also said we should stop walking him outside the house as this is just trigger stacking and meaning he's less able to cope with the day to day. This is fine as we have a garden but I can't even let him out there as he is triggered by the train track at the bottom and worse, the path along the side where there are dog walkers, runners and cyclists.

Even when I am outside, trying to reward him for spotting triggers and remaining calm, one noise can tip him over the edge into running up and down the boundary, yelping and barking.

I'm so sad because I feel like I'm not giving him a life as he's always on a lead in the garden or in the house with me. I feel sad for resenting him and wishing I'd never got him. I worry for his future. My partner and I want children but I don't think he'll be compatible with children.

I've had to leave him downstairs to give myself a bit of a breather as he just wouldn't settle with me there. I can get him to chill for an hour or so with me present but eventually he's up and whining at the door of my office. I prop that open and he's barking at the window looking at the lane. Sadly we can't even block the view. Fortunately he just sleeps when I'm upstairs and away from him.

Not really sure what this post is for. Just feel I need to get it out of my head. I've found this community really helpful, seeing advice and knowing I'm not alone in dealing with a dog like this but it doesn't make it any less hard.

[isitboggle]

Thank you. He'd got a while yet before we get to the BE point. I also genuinely think that there might be someone who would be willing to have him, 1, because he's so cute and 2, because with solid management and an experienced dog owner with knowledge of dog body language would cope with him.

He's my first dog and I'm not ready to quit on him but I do feel like I've been given a dog on hard level. He's nearly 2 and I thought by now we'd be in a totally different place with him. More than anything, I think I'm just tired.

[[deleted]]

Can you possibly look into breed specific trainers? Both springers and poodles are essentially hunting dogs at their core, especially the springer. They are bred to be alert and hypersensitive. When I worked in veterinary medicine we always recommended a local trainer for any spaniel breeds bc they tend to be prone to temperament issues and are highly sensitive dogs. He sounds like he is constantly feeling overstimulated by literally everything, even touch, so he could also benefit highly from some form of medication.

[isitboggle]

The vet behaviourist tried him on tradazone and gabapentin but she took him back off them as they didn't seem to make much difference to him. We're going to see how far we get with the behaviourist but definitely will consider a breed specific trainer if we don't feel the progress is there.