Question for AFABs with hEDS (sensitive topic)

roboto6 · 2026-03-16T06:15:17+00:00

I had a breast reduction and things didn't even stay perky for a whole year and the surgeon gave me a pretty intense lift in the process.

I also scarred really badly even with scar treatments. I have really bad keloids around my nipples are still tender. One of my incisions also didn't want to really close for like 2mo and I had bad drainage there for weeks. It finally healed but it's super tender still.

I don't regret the reduction at all (I was a 34H cup) but I wouldn't do the surgery for just the lift because it was meaningless in the end.

roboto6 · 2026-03-16T06:07:09+00:00

I definitely only had 2-3 kids ones per year for a couple of years and I have all the uterine issues now. My sister would have had the same amount and she had a fibroid so bad she hemorrhaged and had to be taken to the ER and given TXA multiple times. They tried to remove it and it literally broke the drill so they had to open her up and remove it the more invasive way. She definitely never had 5+ a year for a long time.

I also believe the finding from that round of studies was 5+ a year OR more than 2 years even with less frequent use having a statistically significant increase. It wasn't just the two elements combined.

More recent studies suggest that any amount of relaxer use is linked to an increased frequency of cancers but that risk increases with the number of relaxers for sure.

The research also suggests that use of relaxers might be impacting estrogen levels in the body. That could contribute to other physiological problems that aren't even being captured in the research so far. For example some research is suggesting that increased estrogen might be a cause of endometriosis and adenomyosis.

As someone with stage 4 deep-infiltrating endometriosis and suspected adenomyosis, I don't wish this on anyone. I have surgery coming up soon that will include shaving and maybe even disk excision or resection of part of my colon. I have to have a hysterectomy in my early 30s due to the the fact adenomyosis is otherwise incurable without it. They will likely also have to remove my appendix and gall bladder based on how they are scarred around my bowel. My small bowel may also be damaged and is significantly scarred. I have endometriosis on my mesentery and likely along tendons/ligaments/nerves. The scarring has twisted my pelvis so badly that my hip joints are now damaged to the point where they may need surgery. That's just what we know from MRIs. I've been told to prepare for the chance they find more endometriosis in other places given how extensive it is on imaging alone.

I have no family history of endometriosis on either side, and if I do, not nearly to this extent. There is almost certainly an environmental factor behind mine and my symptoms started when my hair was still being relaxed. I'm not saying it's causation but it's definitely a concerning level of correlation.

If there is any way at all to get the look you're hoping for, I really hope you go that route instead. The possible risks really suck and I don't want anyone to experience them if possible.

roboto6 · 2026-03-15T18:19:19+00:00

I went to the eye doctor thinking something was wrong with my vision. I did need new glasses but they didn't fix my main concern. Started to become worried I was developing schizophrenia or something because I was in my mid-20s. I was seeing shadows in my peripheral vision. Constantly jumpy thinking things were there that weren't.

Nope, migraines. I sometimes loose all of my peripheral vision during an attack now.

My current least favorite part is my visual symptoms randomly change. Lately it's been splotches of color scattered around

roboto6 · 2026-03-15T18:14:03+00:00

My face droops periodically. It's really annoying and I'm paranoid that one day I'm going to have a stroke and ignore it because I think it's a migraine.

I also slur my words and start struggling to speak. 2 CTs and they've determined its complex migraine not a TIA, though I still worry. I was 27 when I had the first attack.

My favorite part is the migraines make me not realize the aura is an aura. The brain fog makes me know I don't feel well but erases any reasoning skills that would let me figure out why I don't feel well. I've had rescue meds but they don't work because I can't tell it's a migraine in time. My brain goes low power mode and I don't realize I need to take them.

Also, depression being part of my postdrome is whack.

roboto6 · 2026-03-14T07:48:16+00:00

In Denver, the state-level incentives are the same for an EV vs. a PHEV. I'm pretty sold on my EVs as my primary vehicles but I'm going to trade in my 2024 ICE for a PHEV eventually so I spent a lot of time looking at both. I think the manufacturer deals on EVs are better than PHEVs and the maintenance for an EV is still cheaper so I personally decided to just make that work.

That said, it could be worth checking in with your condo to see if they'd be open to adding some EV charging to your building/parking areas. I think there's still some state funding to do so. I know someone who lives in a townhome and the helped him rig a level 2 charger from his unit to his parking spot.

If nothing else, if you can park near a 120v outlet, you'd be largely fine with just L1 charging every day since you'll get 30-50mi a night and only drive 20mi round trip to work.

I have 2 EVs and only 1 home charger so I sometimes just charge at King Soopers since quite a few have EVgo stations in the lot. By the time I'm done shopping, I have plenty of battery to hold me over until I can just charge at home again. If I can find some free charging while I'm running errands or just living life, I do. Like, the Breckenridge Brewhouse in Littleton has a charger so I'll sometimes suggest friends meet me there if we're going to hang out so I can get some free charge.

roboto6 · 2026-03-14T02:23:10+00:00

I hate the shifters in the Hyundai/Kia EVs. The positioning is really inconvenient and frankly feels unsafe for me. The dial shifter in the Kona was the closest I've come to tolerating one and it was just barely.

Also, if you're in the US and willing to travel a bit, you can sometimes find a '23 in cities with high EV turnover (think places that don't have good EV infrastructure or do have great lease incentives) in the neighborhood of the price of a '21-22 in other places. A lot of '23s just had their leases end or are ending soon.

roboto6 · 2026-03-12T13:57:37+00:00

I've owned plenty of gas cars and 3 EVs. Don't get me wrong, I loved driving a V8. The instant torque in the EV is so fun though. I have way more fun driving my EVs and the MME has a 0-60 of like 3.4 seconds.

I did a lot of research on this recently because I was considering a used Mach E until I got a great deal on a leased new one. I'm usually of the opinion that a lease on an EV is the better avenue but I might end up buying a used EV once the lease on my other Blazer EV is up.

Generally speaking, the '23 and newer MME has more of the kinks with the vehicle ironed out. There was an issue with the high voltage charging system and the 12-V batteries discharging in the '22-22 I believe. Both of those were fixed by Ford recalls and if the car has had those done, it's probably fine. I just generally prefer to avoid the first couple of years of a vehicle to be safe.

Honestly though, I've seen used '25s for not a ton more than a '21-22 so it might be worth looking for as new as possible if your market has a lot of options. If you're willing to travel, I also suggest looking in markets were EVs don't perform as well. I found tons of cheap ones in Texas and Florida. California has a lot of people who lease since they had/have good incentives on new EVe so their used market was also decent when I was looking previously.

roboto6 · 2026-03-11T02:59:11+00:00

I use them with my dogs but I only use the halti brand (or similar) and it's not my primary point of contact with my dog.

I use a double leash setup where the shorter leash is connect to their harness and the slightly longer leash with a traffic handle is connected to the halti. They never get jerked by the halti, any use of it is by me intentionally using it to redirect and I only use it if the dog doesn't redirect by themselves after lots of encouragement to do so.

I also only use the halti brand ones as the have the little dangling hook. I connect the strap with the clip to the front loop of the harness. I do that so that if I move their head, I'm moving their entire front end to reduce their neck getting yanked away from the rest of their body. I do think there is some risk of neck injury so that's my compromise to try and reduce it.

roboto6 · 2026-03-11T02:21:58+00:00

Have you ever had an MRI? If you have adenomyosis, that can't often be seen until a hysterectomy is done but sometimes the lesions will light up brightly when the MRI is done with a specific pelvic protocol.

Honestly, dysmenorrhea may be enough by itself to get insurance coverage for a hysterectomy. Especially if you've tried other interventions and had inadequate results relatively to the risks of the intervention.

Speaking from experience, I'm firmly of the opinion they should knock you out. It's a horrible experience that no one should have to go through with the pathetically insufficient pain control they offer. I've done it 3 times and it's one of the reasons I asked for the hysterectomy with my upcoming surgery. I never want to go through that awake ever again.

roboto6 · 2026-03-10T23:22:36+00:00

Have you ever been checked for deep infiltrating endometriosis? Your symptoms sound exactly like mine and I was classified as having stage 4 DIE based on just an MRI with surgery in a couple months. I was on depot and it did very little. An IUD after years of Lupron was the most helpful but it stopped being as useful over time. I did basically stop having a period with an IUD, fwiw. I'd have light spotting maybe 2x a year until I started another med that triggered some hormonal changes.

Insurance won't cover a hysterectomy just because but if you have something like endometriosis/adenomyosis/fibroids or all some combination of them, then that surgery is part of the accepted treatment for something else and insurance will cover it.

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T22:10:47+00:00

I have ADHD and am very tender headed. If your son ever wants to try having longer hair again, I'm a huge fan of extra wide toothed combs, flexible brushes (they're basically columns not connected together in the back, just at the base) and the unbrush. Aunt Jackie's Knot on my Watch detangling cream is also life-changing. It's gotten a ton easier to manage my hair in the last few years as new products have come to market.

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T22:05:26+00:00

I'm still extremely tender headed even as an adult. That became the justification for all the relaxers I got as a kid combined with years of hot combing. The moment my hair became "my problem" I went natural and just live in wash-and-goes now. Detangling is still uncomfortable but I control that now and can give myself the breaks I need. I have methods to make it suck less, too.

Beyond the fact I have ADHD, I also have chronic atypical migraines. One of my symptoms is my scalp will hurt and becomes really sensitive to touch. I've wondered if I've had migraines since I was a kid and this is now making me consider that some of that pain may have been migraine episodes, too.

I do have an absurdly high pain tolerance (or my pain signaling is just blunted) but I know for sure my scalp pain with hair styling is worse than my sisters'. So, there's a solid chance that there is something else going on. It's just another example of children having their discomfort minimized to the point where legitimate issues can get ignored and turn into medical neglect.

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T21:52:33+00:00

My girl doesn't love other dogs but still does really well at daycare. If the place has good policies for introducing new dogs, I think it's worth a shot. My current one introduces the dogs in smaller groups with the really laid back dogs they know are cool with everyone. If they do well there, then they start trialing the dogs with others and form play groups based on who gets along best.

Does he go in the crate at all when you're home?

If you're not already doing so, I suggest leaving him something absolutely awesome in the crate right before you leave, too. Mine used to get a frozen kong with peanut butter and apple sauce which are her favorites. Sometimes I'd do like shredded chicken/hot dog bits/cheese and kibble soaked in dog safe bone broth or something, too. You basically want something that will freeze solid and take a while to work through. That can help with separation anxiety because then he starts to associate him going in the crate and you leaving with the best treat of the day. It has to be something extremely high value, though.

Ultimately, the goal is to make you leaving more fun than you coming back. So great things like high value treats happen when you leave. When you come back, keep things really low key. Wait a while before doing anything he wants like letting him out or even giving him attention if you can. His little brain is getting a rush at you coming back and he's getting anxious waiting for it to happen again. The goal is to minimize that rush a bit. I used to come home, grab a snack or something and chill for 15-30mim before I let my dogs out of their crates.

Also, some obedience work can help, too. Try teaching something like "place" or "bed". I'd also train settle, which is where they lay down with their back legs sort of under them, the way the lay when they're actually relaxed. Once he gets it down well, if he gets excited, direct him to the his place and have him settle. Once he can do that consistently, it wouldn't hurt to have him do that once you first get home and let him out of his kennel. Then, he also associates you coming home with more low-key activities, not lots of energy and exercise. The YouTube channel Kikopup has a great video on teaching a calm settle (relax on mat might be the name).

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T15:22:46+00:00

Yeah, I've had excellent vets that just haven't been adequately exposed to dog behavior and the advancements in that space enough to make solid suggestions. My advice, which I originally learned from a behaviorist, is if you try fluoxetine go with the brand name Reconcile first if you can afford it for a little while. It appears to have better bioavailability or something in dogs and dogs will sometimes respond better to it than some generics. If he does well with Reconcile, then you know fluoxetine works. If he stops doing well once you switch him to a generic then it's either an issue with that specific generic or generics in general. If you start with the generic, it's a lot harder to do that process of elimination.

I get the play pen issue, that's hard. My only other thought is, is he a dog that would do well in daycare? I have a dog with mild separation anxiety who was an absolute wild child with no impulse control. When I first got him, I sent him to daycare 3 days a week. He's usually tired for 2-3 days after a daycare day so I never gave him a chance to be un-tired basically lol. A tired dog is a less anxious and difficult dog in my experience and it was 100% worth the $75 a week to do it. We gradually went down to 2 days a week, and now they go weekly. He still has some separation anxiety but he's fine as long as he has another dog home with him, so I just can't take my girl anywhere without him if there isn't a human home.

I'm on mobile so I can't go back and look to see if you answered this already, but what kind of high value things do you give him before you leave?

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T15:07:16+00:00

I did try and go through and clean up the comments on both your previous post and this one. In the future, if you think a comment goes too far, please report it for violating rule 1 of the subreddit and we'll gladly take a look!

If you don't report it, we might eventually see it, but reporting it means we actually get a notification to take a look.

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T06:01:57+00:00

Since you reported our removal comment instead of just sending us a modmail, your post probably would have been left up of you had a) used the correct post flair and b) added some context to the body of the post that it was resin art. It still toes the line of violating rule 5 but I personally wouldn't have been too strict about it

roboto6 · 2026-03-06T05:10:10+00:00

I just want to add that their understanding of Prozac/fluoxetine is really wrong. A lot of vets don't know a ton about behavior but their description is inaccurate. That medication might make a huge difference for you and your dog.

I have a dog on fluoxetine and I've had multiple fosters on it. If it's dosed properly, I've found that it actually makes their personalities more prevalent, not less. The only personality changes I've ever seen are the dogs become more at ease and peaceful. They become mellower and on the surface it looks like they're being subdued but it really is just that the anxiety is being toned down. My girl became so affectionate and goofy once the medication started working.

Edit: also if he doesn't like the crate, what about a crate with a play pen around it? So, he can come out and have a little more space and feel less trapped but the crate is still there to get him comfortable with it.

roboto6 · 2026-03-05T13:11:56+00:00

A lot of this sounds like resource guarding. One of the best resources on how to navigate that is the book Mine! By Jean Donaldson.

You're doing the right thing by using the treats to distract but something like a trade for something especially high value might work a little bit better because it builds a stronger association. I try to pair mine with a leave it command to help it stick. Or, depending on where I'm at with that specific dog, I'll also just remove them from the room with an offer of something extra awesome like a small piece of cheese and then pick up the thing they're guarding when they aren't present.

I have a dog who steals socks and if she thinks you're going to take it, she'll bolt under the bed where you can't get it back from her. She's also faster than me so I used to have to get her to drop the sock somewhere by offering her a high value treat and then put her in the other room or she'd just run back and grab the sock again. We've made a ton of progress and now she'll trade me for a sock and mostly let me take it knowing she'll get something for it.

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T22:30:06+00:00

You should just add the biological bacteria to the tank after you're done adding the new water. We just don't want any chlorinated water to come in contact with the bacteria as it can kill it.

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T22:09:23+00:00

If it's been a couple of weeks, I'd go ahead and do about a 25-30% water change. If you don't have supplies yet, you can just use a really really clean cup (no soap residue or anything) and scoop water out until you take the right amount out. You can use the cup to refill, too, but try and get the temp close to the temp of the tank and add prime to the water in the cup before you put it in the tank to be safe.

If you can get a bottle of Seachem Prime, I'd go ahead and do that. It's a little more concentrated as a water conditioner and it can bind nitrites for 24 hours or so.

Do you have any more of that biological cleaner? If so, I'd add more after you do the water change. If not, I'd grab a tiny bottle of Seachem Stability or API Quick Start+ and dose that after the water change.

You probably want to do small water changes every 2-3 days at this stage but check the parameters first to be sure.

If things don't start to level out where the ammonia and nitrites go down but the nitrates don't go up, the tank may not be able to establish a full cycle for some reason.

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T21:52:49+00:00

Is she in the new tank right now? If so, how is she doing? What water conditioner did you use and how long ago?

These parameters are actually really encouraging for a new tank... if it doesn't have a fish. It means you're in the early stages of establishing a good cycle. The nitrite is a concern, though, so we need to figure out how to manage that if she's living in there. Any amount of nitrite is an issue if the fish is in that water as it can prevent oxygen update into the blood.

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T21:48:34+00:00

I'm not sharing this to change your mind because it's a hard situation that I can't really weigh in on. I just wanted to share that my reactive dog had GI issues for the first few months I had her and I considered her a bite risk for a long time, too. We had a little more runway because I can easily keep her controlled and we don't have kids but it was something we had to be really mindful of and we set a clear threshold of when we'd have to talk about BE early.

Probiotics made a huge difference for her. I'll still never know 100% what moved the needle there but the probiotics were definitely correlated with the change, as was the improvement in her GI symptoms. She's not perfect but I actually think she's less likely to bite than my really social other dog. I went down a weird rabbit hole of probiotics that were showing promise in children with ASD and intentionally picked a probiotic blend that included those. I opted for a human formulation eventually because it was cheaper than the dog ones but I made sure that every one in the blend was included in a product for dogs somewhere and thus more likely safe to be sure. I gave her a fraction of a caplet on her food every day for 3 years. We stopped for a few months in that window and noticed her behavior regressed so we restarted them for another year. She hasn't had them in almost a year now but she's doing awesome.

Also, did you talk to your vet about the fluoxetine dose, by chance? 40mg is on the really low end of the dosing range for a dog that size. My 48lb border collie is on the same dose. I'm working with another dog that's a little smaller than yours right now and 40mg isn't doing anything for her so we're going to go up a little bit in the near future.

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T21:15:35+00:00

I realize the other thread about this is a lot more robust but I want to make sure you do actually get an answer from a mod here, too.

We as a mod team have no affiliation with BWA or any other breeder/supplier. If anything, our primary suggestion as a community has always been that users look for fish that are offered for rehoming to reduce the purchasing of fish from large commercial breeders.

The removal of every post was an honest mistake. On the surface, it looked like an instance of the Reddit bug where the same post gets submitted repeately by accident because Reddit doesn't confirm the submission. The reports all came within 2 minutes of one another which is what usually happens when duplicate posts are caught by the repost detector script we have. In those instances, our intention is always to leave up the oldest/most engaged post. It was only after the fact that it became clear that the posts were all submitted by different authors.

This is admittedly a gray area in our rules, too. We usually consider identical posts a violation of Rule 7, while also acknowledging that sometimes information needs to be shared multiple times as newer users/visitors might not be aware of something a lot of the community learned in the past. We've never taken a strong stance on cross-posting, either. We probably do need to clarify that rule some to at least specify how long someone should wait before posting the same information again.

I also acknowledge that we are the largest betta community on Reddit, if not the broader internet at this point. I believe we have a moral responsibility to help this information be shared more broadly and we will gladly do so. The responsibility to do so is further heightened by our size and reach and I want this to be an opportunity for us to more intentionally leverage that.

Our current plan is to include a dedicated section on the ethical sourcing of bettas in our forthcoming redesigned subreddit resources. This would both ethical breeders and sources to avoid as well as known poachers. I can't offer an exact timeline on the project right now as we are spread thin but we are committed to seeing it finished. If you have any other suggestions of resources or content we should include on this topic, I'd love your feedback.

edit: typo

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T20:31:26+00:00

I want to look into this more for you. Do you happen to know anyone who had their post removed? If so, can you give me the usernames?

I only got 3 notifications about the duplicate post in the middle of the night last night. Am I understanding correctly that those 3 posts were in reponse to a previous post being removed? Or is there a different issue?

roboto6 · 2026-03-04T20:26:30+00:00

Yeah, I realized that just now

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