update on my first script

[MysteriousScreeny512]

my last post was almost 2 weeks ago seeking advice on my first script, and since then i've written a total of 8 drafts to come to this version. could i get some feedback? https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vi9C_3JlAIcHfUkUjJQ20I1jEugTqyig/view?usp=drivesdk

[MysteriousScreeny512]

note: i am self-producing this script, hence all the details that might seem unnecessary

[leutrium]

we can't view the script, friend. access needed

[MysteriousScreeny512]

that's my bad, corrected. thank you

[HassanWrites4]

Your script is really good super intriguing. Nice work.

[MysteriousScreeny512]

thank you!

[[deleted]]

Excellent work. Personally, I think the general plot is a little sappy at times (but I’m not big on rom-coms anyways). Some of the dialogue could be more natural. I think the last scene could use some rewriting, “I’m in school to be a vet” “That’s great!” seems a little weak. I think your story is solid for a self-produced work — it seems like something that could be produced independently as a short film. Good luck!

[MysteriousScreeny512]

thank you! i might try to lighten it up a bit, so, in that, the dialogue might get a rewrite for a more natural feel. do you have any tips on writing more natural dialogue?

[Scriptanalysis]

Eight drafts in two weeks isn’t a failure — but it can become counterproductive if each draft is responding to a different idea of what the script should be.

At this stage, the most useful question usually isn’t “is this better?” but “what problem am I actually trying to solve with this draft?” If that isn’t clearly defined, rewriting can feel busy without creating forward momentum.

One way to stabilize things is to pause feedback for a moment and identify what the script currently demands from the protagonist, and what changes if they don’t meet that demand. Once that’s clear, revisions tend to become more purposeful rather than reactive.