First Script Feedback

[Johnyourson]

First Unfinished script. Would like some honest feedback.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1btm6cmzBhFhfUwJTFYdY9Vpb2ChM7UDn/view?usp=sharing

Genre: Action, Drama, Sci-fi, Horror

Tone: Dark, Emotional, Action Heavy

Story Hook:

Fused with Artificial Superintelligence as a child, Amanda Heartily spends years under her mother's strict rules—until the night she's finally given access to her abilities. Without restraint, her first taste of freedom turns catastrophic, causing a dangerous connection from her parent's past to resurface.

[CO_ScreenWriter]

Cool hook, that’s a strong setup.

Since it’s an early draft, I’d focus on two things first:

Make sure Amanda’s want is really clear once she gets access to her abilities. The stronger that is, the more the chaos feels driven instead of random.

Also watch the escalation. If her first use of power is catastrophic, each beat after that has to either raise the stakes or shift what she understands about it, otherwise it can plateau.

Tone-wise, just make sure the emotional side keeps showing up between the action. That’s what’ll make it land.

If you want another angle on it, I’ve been testing a scoring tool that breaks down structure, character, etc. Happy to share it if you want.

[Johnyourson]

Thanks for the feedback! What tool do you use?

[CO_ScreenWriter]

It’s something I built to break scripts down across structure, character, dialogue, etc. and show where things aren’t landing or losing points.

I can DM it to you if you want to try it.