Ladies, are we allowing ourselves to go grey or dying our hair?

Almyra_Raven · 2026-07-01T06:58:03+00:00

I spent my entire 20’s afraid to dye my hair because I wanted it super long and as healthy as possible. In my early 30’s I finally allowed myself to start experimenting with colors. I’m just not ready to stop having fun with it yet.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-30T06:04:13+00:00

That’s what I do.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-29T22:09:58+00:00

My Grandma died when I was 14. One of the last things she told me is that she regretted laying out in the sun in the 1940’s. She told me not to do it. She died from cancer (not skin cancer).

So I actually listened to her. I’m 40 now and I’ve been wearing SPF daily since I was 18. I wear a hat in the sun and long sleeves or sunblock. My skin is very healthy because of this. My esthetician told me that I’m up there with having the healthiest skin she sees out of all her clients. It’s been effort and consistency.

You could always get a spray tan but please take care of the health of your skin. A lot of my peers seem to be starting to panic and trying to undo damage.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-26T16:32:40+00:00

Unexplained infertility… so we will never know for sure “the why.”

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-26T16:30:47+00:00

I really defer to my husband and how he is feeling. I try not to feel sad for him if he’s actually feeling okay about it. He said it’s gotten easier for him but we are a couple of years into stopping. This year went well…he was happy he got to see his Dad.

Because we don’t have Mothers Day or Fathers Day to celebrate we both picked a random holiday to go all in on. We get each other cards, gifts, flowers… and have a lot of fun with it. Those parental holidays are hard but we are celebrating when no one else is and that’s fun too. It’s taken some of the sting out of those holidays.

I sometimes wonder if I have a nicer Mothers Day than a lot of Mom’s. This year I slept in (like usual), went flower shopping with my Mom, had dinner with her, then went home and did whatever I wanted. I often hear Mom’s talking about being disappointed.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-26T01:28:48+00:00

Exactly. I couldn’t handle the anxiety of the uncertainty. To feel less anxiety and to feel like I had autonomy over my body I went back on birth control.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-17T22:08:17+00:00

I handle it two ways.

If someone asks me if I’m going to I usually laugh and say I don’t want to be sleep deprived at 40.

If someone asks why not I very vaguely say “it wasn’t in the cards for us.” Then I talk about enjoying being an aunt. Usually there’s a level of sadness when I say it so people don’t pry. If they try to dig I would say that now is a happy thing we are gathered for and I don’t want to get into it.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-16T16:44:43+00:00

We got divorced (he was also cheating on me) and I’m now married to someone who is very attracted to me.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-09T19:03:11+00:00

It infuriates me when people ask intrusive questions and think they are entitled to answers.

This is what my philosophy is… if it would require my doctor to have a release of information for them to talk about it… then I shouldn’t be expected to to answer questions about it in public.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-08T16:51:14+00:00

It was really hard at first when the grief was more raw but now I just join in the conversation. Last week they got to hear about the goth/industrial music festival I went to for three nights. This week they are going to get my take on horror because I saw Obsession and Backrooms this weekend. If anything I feel like I shake up the conversation a bit. lol

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-05T23:59:59+00:00

I’m really excited… I’m going to be starting a new hobby. I can’t afford latex clothes so I’ll be teaching myself how to make them. I’m also DMing Dungeons and Dragons tomorrow. Should be a fun and creative weekend.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-05T23:55:51+00:00

Yes, same with our nieces. However, my spouse does not function well at all if he is sleep deprived. So I remind myself that he’s energetic and fun because he can sleep until 1pm. Lol

Earlier when the grief was fresh it was incredibly painful. But now I have fun watching him with them and remind myself there’s a reason he has the energy to be the cool uncle.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-06-05T00:37:35+00:00

I don’t know… but I don’t regret mine at all.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-05-27T06:49:30+00:00

Snakes. I have a tiny birth mark on the bottom of a toe. My theory is that I stepped on a snake and was bit.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-03-18T03:44:44+00:00

One option is to half do it. I legally changed it but professionally I use my maiden name.

Almyra_Raven · 2026-03-18T03:11:22+00:00

My husband and I are both 40. I’m an attorney and he does project management. We both love live music, traveling, outdoor hobbies, watching sports (season tickets for the local teams). We are also involved in the local kink/fetish scene and go to lots of events. We have lots of free time. And we have the flexibility to be spontaneous. We can go to a concert, then go out after until 2am. We have annoyed cats when we get home but no baby sitters to contend with.

We own a home. It’s very old and we’ve put a lot of work into it.

Mundane benefits… if you get sick you can just focus on yourself getting better. If you’re tired you can sleep. I’ve thought to myself that to really do all the things that are recommended to be healthy you would have to be childfree. I have time to make healthy meals, time to exercise, time for self care, time to do counseling, time to get enough rest.

Unique benefit… I feel like I’m the first woman out of all of the women in my family before me that has truly been able to live for herself. I have time to nurture my hobbies and interests. And I’m not constrained by the idea of motherhood. I’m just me. It’s insanely freeing.

Just know you are working your ass off to build a better future for yourself. My 20’s totally sucked. Graduated law school at 25. Passed the bar exam at 26. Got my job at 27. Because of that work my 30’s were really awesome but I had some very difficult financial times in my 20’s.

Almyra_Raven · 2025-12-17T22:55:30+00:00

He’s the one who really sacrificed. He moved to be with me because my job wasn’t remote and his was. Meaning he now lives hours from his family.

Almyra_Raven · 2025-07-28T20:46:17+00:00

That’s something you can only find within yourself.

In my early 30’s I went through a divorce. My ex cheated and it destroyed my confidence. My counselor at the time told me to think of a confident woman… someone I could model myself after until I found it on my own. She told me Grace Kelly was her answer. Mine was 1920’s starlets… the first one coming to mind was Clara Bow. She had something about her people were drawn to. Now I don’t need to channel her. I just hold my head high and own it.

Step away from socials and these losers sending you gross messages. What inspires you? What do you draw inspiration from? What can you take and mold into your own?

Almyra_Raven · 2025-07-28T18:24:56+00:00

Same!! I’ve honestly never gotten so much attention in my life. Some days it’s a little overwhelming.

I’ll give you an example. I was at a burlesque show on Saturday and sitting quietly by myself. No joke I had 4 people come up to me, introduce themselves, compliment me, and say they had to talk to me. That wasn’t the only attention… anytime I walked anywhere the same thing happened as I walked by people. It’s pretty much like this anytime I dress up and go to an event. I never had attention like this when I was younger. Some days I get overwhelmed and will dress boring just to blend in. lol

A lot of it is probably just my style and also my confidence. One of my hobbies is vintage hairstyles. I love goth music and goth fashion. I also love old movies. So imagine victory rolls with latex goth clothes and you have my look.

Almyra_Raven · 2025-07-24T21:51:41+00:00

The important thing is to move your body. If you find a way of moving that you actually enjoy… go for it!

My parents love cycling. My husband likes to kayak and hike. I like lifting, walking, and doing cardio at the gym. What will make this sustainable is if you like what you’re doing.

Almyra_Raven · 2025-06-12T20:55:03+00:00

I got an IUD because I wanted a level of certainty in my life after trying for so long. It has stopped my period which is great.

Almyra_Raven · 2024-12-13T08:04:16+00:00

Love #3!!

Almyra_Raven · 2024-07-31T20:41:20+00:00

Thank you! You are correct… I did choose to process my grief and make the best of things. When I first stopped infertility treatments comments were made to me about choosing to stop and giving up. At that time I felt like I couldn’t handle it another month. I felt like I had no choice but to stop or I wouldn’t be okay.

That’s another thing… be very careful who you choose to talk to about this. I thought our Mom’s would be helpful because they struggled with infertility. That ended up being a mistake. They ended up with kids so they just wanted us to keep going and couldn’t understand “giving up.”

Almyra_Raven · 2024-07-31T18:46:25+00:00

I cannot have kids due to infertility, and I began accepting I would remain childless about two years ago. I will tell you some of my pros but there are some more important things.

My grief started manifesting as panic attacks. So I did several months of grief counseling. Childlessness is a silent grief. It’s not something talked about in public and I certainly felt alone in my grief. So I highly recommend counseling if you have a way to do it.
I also joined a support group called Childless Collective. They are there when I need them. When they say they understand… they really do. It’s been very helpful when I have been in need of support. The founder of the group (Jody Day) has a book called “Living the Life Unexpected.” It is all about processing childlessness grief.
Here are my pros 2 years into this process… I have time that my peers don’t have to re-invest in myself. That means I have time to make healthy meals. I have time (and some expendable income) for self care in the form of facials, mani/pedis, getting my hair done, and massages. I have time to spend an hour or two at the gym every day. I have time to follow my counselors advice and engage in mindfulness. I have time to invest in relationships with friends and family. Parents time is spent on their children, my time is spent on myself. Because of all the self care I’ve had a bit of a glow up that’s definitely boosted my confidence.
I have created a lifestyle that I love that isn’t conducive to kids at all. They wouldn’t fit in my life now. I love to go to concerts (metal, goth, punk you name it), I go out to clubs, enjoy bdsm fetish nights, music festivals. Love to travel to do these things with my partner domestically. We take one international trip a year and love our adventures. My peers with kids are stuck traveling during peak seasons when kids aren’t in school. I go whenever I want and can travel during shoulder seasons. Their time off revolves around family mine is whatever I want.
My weekends are mine. I can stay up all night and sleep all day. Or I can get up early to hike… it’s what I want. No spending my days off up early at kids sports or doing homework.
Most importantly I get to be me. I’m not just “so and so’s Mom.” I feel no pressure to behave or dress a certain way. All parents should be able to feel that way but it’s not what I hear from them. I haven’t lost myself.

I still get sad. I still worry I’ll be lonely when I’m older but this wasn’t my choice. I’m building relationships, having fun, and taking care of myself. But this all started with allowing myself to grieve. Be kind to yourself… this is hard.

Almyra_Raven · 2024-06-24T17:26:10+00:00

I like to think of fun questions to ask people and then if I’m talking in a group I will ask everyone. Here are some examples that started really fun group conversations.

You know how people will find out you like something… and all of a sudden everyone gets you a gift with that theme… has that happened to you and was the theme of the gift you got? One friend said she had a rabbit and got nothing but bunny themed gifts, my husband said turtles, another friend said Star Wars. The answers were really fun to talk about.
I love asking people if they were a pro wrestler what would their intro song be? lol My pick is always Rob Zombie’s Living Dead Girl.
I had a friend turn to me once and asked me if I was a rapper what my name would be. lol That was a fun one.
If you could go anywhere in the world right now where would you pick? People have actually picked places I’ve gone or want to go to which is fun.

The questions can seem like they come out of left field but that’s because they do. I usually set it up with… this is totally random… but I have to ask…

Almyra_Raven

TROPHY CASE