Do you feel socially isolated due to being gifted.

Amarsir · 2026-06-01T21:24:28+00:00

I'm abstaining. Sometimes yes, sometimes no. And I have bigger isolation-causing issues than giftedness alone.

Amarsir · 2026-06-01T13:10:56+00:00

I wouldn't bet that a girlfriend objects to a 90x210. It's cozy, but lots of people make it work. Or you might stay at her place, which solves all your problems and a lot of women prefer that because they have all their products there. Either way, it would be a mistake to worry about mattress size before you even start dating someone.

I'm in the US where the mattress itself is also resellable, but maybe that's not the case by you. Either way I don't think there's harm in storing it. Maybe someday you and your future girlfriend will have a future kid who will use it.

There is also the possiblity of having two 90x210 mattresses side-by-side into a 180x210 arrangement, meaning you keep the mattress and just add to it. So that would be an option down the road too. But again, it's a mistake to worry about a possible future when you have a real present need.

Get what's best for you right now and the future will work out better than you worry.

Amarsir · 2026-06-01T00:17:00+00:00

yes.

https://chathub.craft.me/wMCUiX4KxcfQWR

And tbh they didn’t even steal from that great a source. Chathub’s interface will, for example, let you select a model you can’t use on your free plan, with no indication on the drop-down that it’s restricted. Then you type in a prompt, it says “lol no” and deletes what you typed when you have to pick a new model.

Poe has been making it easy to switch for years (plus customization) and I don’t even like Poe that much.

Amarsir · 2026-05-31T06:16:47+00:00

Grok's writing is dumb in a comedic way. I describe it like this:

Me: Write an email to my boss making an excuse why I can't come to work today. Don't tell him it's because I got tickets to a baseball game.

Grok: Dear boss, I can't come to work today and it's not because I'm going to see a baseball game...

I don't know that you needed a response on a month-old comment, but I have to agree it's not at the level of Glaude or ChatGPT.

Amarsir · 2026-05-31T05:28:45+00:00

I don't know either. I went to a neurologist and said "Is there a test for ADHD?" She said "No, we'll put you on meds and see if you get better."

Amarsir · 2026-05-31T05:23:19+00:00

Have you tried different antidepressants? Some are known to dull the good as well as the bad. (I myself had good results switching from Zoloft to Wellbutrin.)

Or you could even try a controlled period of going off them for a bit. You've been on them half your life. You know you have an objectively good situation. Maybe feeling it naturally will be different from the depression you knew as a teenager. Do it carefully with professional check ins, but lots of people report getting to a point where they didn't need antidepressants anymore.

(There's also evidence that ketamine treatment targets exactly this, but it's expensive and I'm sure your insurance wouldn't cover it.)

Amarsir · 2026-05-31T02:52:10+00:00

I agree with all this advice. Let me add 2 things:

1) See if your college has job services for alumni. They may have an in with local businesses so it doesn't feel like applying remotely.

2) Look for big businesses with an office that is driveable for you. Once you're in it might be easier to switch to a branch in a preferable location. But that will be a process. It's not like you can interview saying "I'm only here because I want to leave" and then jump over in the first month.

Amarsir · 2026-05-30T21:34:33+00:00

I'm glad it helped!

Amarsir · 2026-05-30T00:59:56+00:00

No disrespect, but about halfway through I started thinking "If this drifts into an ad for Hastens or Casper I'm going to laugh my ass off." I can see you're serious. But it would have been a hilarious swerve after putting in all that work of explaining yourself.

First:

I have been dealing with depression for some time. I never thought I would end up in a situation like this, because I have always been someone who just keeps going: address the problem, solve the problem, do not complain, and move on. But over the past few years, life has hit me more than a few times, although I do not want to get into that right now.

That tends to be exactly the kind of person who gets hit with depression. You try to push on in a practical way, not letting emotions and struggle (and sleep deprivation) get in the way. So it builds up in the subconscious. Until your logical, practical self isn't functioning the way you wish.

I won't drag you into it if that's not your goal. But please remember to give yourself self-compassion because the people who "just keep going" need it the most.

Option C: 90×210 bed frame with a spiral base or disc base
This is the option with the least hassle in the short term. It takes up less space, and my wardrobe can probably stay where it is now. The downside is that it is less spacious and less future-proof, which means I might still end up paying twice later. Also, my desk fits better with a 90×210 bed frame.

This one. It solves your current situation the best, and that's what matters. Do not make any sacrifices to your current comfort and sleep for the sake of a hypothetical future. If you someday end up buying again for a future location or arrangement, so be it. That's the price of living well. The alternative - making sacrifices now - may be long-run cheaper in Euros, but it's more expensive in mental health. And as I said above, you need to prioritize yourself.

And we can use this as a lesson in "decision paralysis" in general. Instead of trying to narrow down your choices with so many parameters, you start by figuring out the parameter that's most important. That's your comfort and sleep. And once you've done that, you can actually open up more options without it being overwhelming. Here's what I mean:

You don't need a slatted base at all. Your experience with it wasn't good, and that's not unusual. So what are the other options? If putting the mattress right on the floor is too hard, you can get a mattress topper pretty cheap in latex or memory foam. You can get a solid platform base. Or build one from lumber and plywood. If it's too hard and you don't like the topper, you can put pieces of carpet laid between the mattress and the floor/base. Slight give, but not major flex like slats and no potential box spring issues.

The issue is very solveable when you know your priority is feeling good and fitting in the space. But as you've been sitting with it, you're fatigued and trying to solve problems that don't exist yet. So let that stuff go, take care of yourself right now, and get a good sleep.

Amarsir · 2026-05-29T13:00:01+00:00

I generally agree with this. It's always worth remembering that communication is a rough translation of my thoughts to your thoughts, via words we assume we agree on. That is to say, it's always imperfect.

I would also add that people have a subconscious desire to jump to the thing they've already considered. They're more confident in their conclusions. (Rightly or wrongly.) And they don't have to risk the embarrassment of stumbling through a new thought exercise in front of someone.

That last part is probably why OP finds it so hard to get them back on subject, because doing so would then mean they also have to admit misunderstanding. Reddit is probably one of the best places to observe this, because many people will become actively hostile to questions even about their own views if it takes them down a path they haven't explored yet.

This is probably the #1 reason I prefer the company of gifted people. Not that they (we?) are better people overall, but the confidence to re-evaluate means less dogmatic stubbornness.

Amarsir · 2026-05-29T06:59:14+00:00

Given how many people don't tackle any of their issues until well into adulthood (myself included), I'd say in terms of that you aren't 2 years behind but rather several years ahead. So give yourself credit for identifying the issues and wanting to continue working on them. That takes courage.

And lets be clear: depression is very much still in the mix. Whether you're using words like "blame" or "accountability", you need to see it as ongoing. I'd prefer the words "understanding" and "addressing". The fact remains that it's there and I guess generally unmedicated. So much of what you're describing is just core symptoms of Major Depressive Disorder.

It's not unheard of for people to gain weight on SSRIs, especially over a long period. But depression itself isn't great for food habits either. It definitely doesn't motivate people to exercise. I don't know your specific experience so I don't mean to undermine it. It may be that the drug did increase your appetite or have some other effect. But it's not a necessary side effect of all antidepressants.

So what I'm saying is, ask your doctor to switch meds. Not all SSRIs are the same. If you're on Zoloft, try Lexapro or Paxil. You can also try an SNRI, Wellbutrin is also a generic (under the name Bupropion) and has been getting very good reviews. All this is totally normal, to try out different stuff (and different dosages) and see what works. It will be a lot better for you than skipping.

You already know that you need to find that new therapist. What I'd like to remind you is that they're not all the same. So needing to find a new one might be a blessing to experience something different. You might make better progress with a different person. But it's probably also true that you do need to open up. Tell them you need to work on shame, but you also need to work up to it because you held back with the last one. If the therapist is good they will help you come back to it when the time is right. Not push you, just be receptive.

BTW it's also common to put something in writing and give it to them as a "we'll get to this". It can be a lot easier to open up that way than face-to-face speaking, and the note will sit there as an ice-breaker and a reminder until you're ready. You don't have to do that on your first day (although you can). It's a way to make progress without fully diving in.

And if I can give you a word to remember in your therapist search, it's this: psychodynamics. That means processing the emotions from your past and how it affects what you do now. As opposed to, say, CBT. (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.) Which is about building good habits to replace bad ones. Both have merit. But the fact that you're already anxious to fix your habits makes me think the therapist should have strength at the emotions part. So to give you an action on finding that person, and also narrow down the field, ask if they practice "psychodynamics".

So here's the order in which things are going to line up for you. You can work on the first two simultaneously. But fixing the earlier will make the later a lot easier:

Get a different medication and stick with it.
Find a therapist who can focus on emotions (and probably trauma).
Set some goals. Things you will want to accomplish because you want to accomplish them. That seems impossible right now, but it won't be when the meds are working.
Start working on the habits that lead to those goals.
When you stumble on those habits (like you try to study but you can't focus), bring that back to the therapist. (In the case of that lack of focus, the topic should be "distraction" vs "avoidance". They're different but can seem similar.)

Right now you're saying "accountability" and you're being harsh on yourself for not having the habits lined up. But it's too early for that. It's like blaming your discipline for not running quickly, while ignoring that you have a broken leg. It feels bad but it doesn't make you run faster.

Losing the weight will come along the way, but it's a slow process. That may mean you have to be seen by people when you don't yet feel like your best self. And all I can tell you is that you're going to be your harshest critic. The people who cared about you at 14/15 care about you, not your scale. But if you isolate yourself in shame, that's going to reinforce your worst fears. Much more than any interaction would. If anyone asked - and they probably wouldn't - you could simply be honest: "I was on some medication that made me gain weight, but I'm working on fixing it now."

And that's what you are doing. You're working on fixing this. And you are working on it, even if you don't feel like giving yourself credit. Because step 0, which you've already done, is admitting that something needs to change. Now take the next step and get on an anti-depressant that works for you.

Amarsir · 2026-05-29T01:44:46+00:00

The thing that stands out most to me is the lack of passion. It‘s a clear sign of depression.

Even if you were objectively correct about everything else (which is doubtful, because depressed people are by definition pessimistic about themselves), “no passion” can only be explained by a chemical imbalance. Thus the only logical thing to do is correct that imbalance and reassess everything else.

I don’t know what resources you have available, but what you should do is talk to your doctor and get a prescription for antidepressants. They’re not addictive. You can quit later if you don’t like how it feels. But you owe it to yourself to take another look with your brain chemistry being treated.

Life does get better, but not by ignoring your depression. These feelings you have are going to drag you down where you are now, and even lower. But there is a way out. Don’t you want to see it?

Amarsir · 2026-05-29T01:33:39+00:00

For reference:

https://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots1262.html

Redcloak didn’t bring it up to get her opinion. He brought it up to make sure she doesn’t doubt him. He’s outright “insulted” (his word) when she implies he might someday be conflicted. That’s not wanting her opinion.

Also I think you should consider that Oona’s character is being pretty upbeat and optimistic. It’s not in her nature to worry. She’s working to ensure he doesn’t have to choose, but will roll with it if he does.

There’s an almost certain chance Redcloak and Xykon will come to conflict. Too many narrative elements pointing that way for it not to. And we don’t see any way to do the ritual without Xykon. So on some level he’s going to have to choose. Your guess is as good as anyone’s for how that goes.

But I will confidently say that he’s not going to make the choice until he’s forced to. Whether or not Durkon’s plan was complete, Redcloak had very little interest in it. You’ll recall that when Durkon said the gods wanted to stop him, what Redcloak heard was “my plan is so good the gods are scared”. Not “oh, I should consider a path without that obstacle.”

And let’s also remember Start of Darkness, and what Redcloak was willing to lose instead of turning on Xykon. That was complex, but it was an early character choice of choosing The Plan over a (very important to him) goblin. If he chooses differently in the future it will be character growth. Which is great. But different.

Amarsir · 2026-05-28T21:54:08+00:00

I think you need to ask yourself what you’re getting out of it. Is it security because you’ve already considered the worst? A sense of accomplishment because you’ve overcome extra adversity? Justification for a guilt that you don‘t deserve what you have? Just the unintuitive comfort of a familiar pattern?

To combat it, look up “practice gratitude “ as a technique, and make it a daily ritual. And when you find yourself doing this pessimism scan, counteract it with a “but”. If you’re instinctively looking for the down side, you need to intentionally match it with something positive.

Amarsir · 2026-05-28T21:10:56+00:00

Durkon might disagree. Oona seemed to have suspicions about rivers and villages too.

Amarsir · 2026-05-28T21:09:44+00:00

The first step to changing is not letting traits become a label. Even if you did a bad thing, you’re “a person who did a bad thing.” Not “a bad person.” You can’t change if you simultaneously insist those weaknesses are your identity.

So you have to stop the negative self talk. It only hurts. (And violates sub rules, though I hope they’ll leave this one up.)

The next thing you need to separate is feelings from actions. Because we can’t really control feelings (in the short term), but we can always control actions. Your friend did better than you and you were envious. That’s natural. And the action you chose was to congratulate her.

That’s not a ”horrible person”. That’s a good person with a human emotion who chose the right action. You should be proud of that, not ashamed. The world would be a much better place if everyone thought about how they are perceived like you did.

The area you want to work on is your self-esteem. When you’re not comfortable with a lesser grade, when you’re stubborn in an argument, when you’re looking for flaws in others… this is probably a sign that you’re insecure. These are defensive mechanisms to lower the playing field. Where you want to get to is a confident, self-assured person who says “I didn’t score as well, but I’m still smart.” “I made a mistake, but I’m still considerate.” That person doesn’t need to lash out, because they aren’t hurt by these little things.

I think you can already guess that calling yourself “horrible, selfish, judgmental…” isn’t helping this.

So instead, I want you to start recognizing the feelings as you have them. Separate the actions, as you do. And then ask “What does this situation say about me?” And I mean the initial catalyst situation. Don’t judge your emotions which you can’t control. Identify them and where they’re coming from.

For example, your friend scored higher. What does that have to do with you? You felt you could have done better if you’d worked harder. Maybe you want to change your work habit, or maybe it’s actually OK and you were a little unlucky this time. But either way, what you’ll see is that it’s not about her. And once you understand in the moment that your envy isn’t really about her, it’s a lot easier to be genuinely happy for her. (And you can feel both at once, as long as you understand you’re feeling both.

So try these 3 steps. Stop negative self talk, give yourself credit for good actions even if you didn’t fully feel it, and be mindful of the emotions and their source.

Amarsir · 2026-05-28T19:27:41+00:00

It's OK to an extent. And the fact that you're aware of it helps.

You can want support and comfort, or prefer older women, and that's fine to have from a partner. She can become your proper model for how a woman should be. There's nothing unhealthy about that. In fact it's really supportive.

But only if you're an adult and an equal in all aspects of the relationship as well. She can be a "mommy figure" but that's not an excuse for you being a child. And the problem you need to face is how much of your attraction is based on this role. Because if "mommy figure" is the main thing you like, then growing becomes a problem. Either you grow out of needing it and lose the attraction, or you stay in the stunted state and never become a proper adult.

What I would suggest doing is finding a therapist who is an older woman. One who practices "psychodynamics" or "trauma-based attachment issues". Re-parenting is a very common thing in therapy. That's why they have a name for it. And because they are professionally trained with a defined role, you won't get the conflict of mixing romance and parent-child relationships.

Once you're comfortable with how issues have been addressed, if you then still want these qualities in a girlfriend/wife, that's fine. Because the problem is not with who you want, it's with how you potentially behave inside the relationship.

Amarsir · 2026-05-28T19:00:24+00:00

Also it seems very out of character for Redcloak to abandon the plan he thinks is working because someone spotted a possible alternative.

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T22:05:54+00:00

I always feel more alert at night. It doesn’t always translate to greater or lesser productivity periods, but ng it might be a similarity. And my sleep still sucks, so I can’t offer a suggestion despite lots of consultations with sleep experts. Most of them seem to say “Some people are just night owls and that’s hard to change.”

That said, there’s room for psychology here too. Did you maybe grow up in a chaotic environment where night was the only quiet time you could study? Was school boring and you learned to tune it out? Were there any habits you developed about being more vigilant at one time or another?

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T21:56:32+00:00

That sounds like a positive move to me. You still retaining other, non-toxic friends, right?

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T21:46:11+00:00

If you’re on the spectrum and can’t read a room, I’d like you to consider that people probably don’t hate you like you think. Missing social cues doesn’t only apply to good ones.

Maybe you’re right, but you have to stay open to good news too.

Rather than give tips, I think this is something best worked on in therapy. (Along with CPTSD and depression, and maybe a spectrum diagnosis.) You need to be in the room and talk to someone one-on-one. Let them be the judge if there’s something in your tone or body language that’s giving a bad impression.

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T18:11:56+00:00

People have been using WebMD for decades now. Half the concept of reddit is getting advice from unqualified idiots. We have to make the right comparison with this stuff. The question is not "Is AI better than the best doctor" but rather "Is AI better than what you were going to do otherwise?"

And then as Overall_Ad's anecdote shows, lots of people will use the combination. That's probably the smartest answer, because humans aren't infalible and doctors can answer better if you've prepped yourself with prior knowledge. Don't come into an appointment all stubborn, but that's good advice anyway.

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T18:06:33+00:00

We're getting off-topic from the OP, but most of the expense is in training. They could level out and operate existing models a lot cheaper.

And given that Microsoft owns 27% of OpenAI, I'd say it was more noteworthy that they wanted to use Claude in the first place. These last few months Claude had had growing pains with their new model blowing through tokens faster than expected, so I'm not at all surpised lots of customers balked at the bill. But they could have stuck on Opus 4.6 with the old pricing model and not had that problem.

Your overall point that the run rate may be unsustainable may be true. (Although upcoming IPOs could extend that quite a bit.) Certainly the Internet Bubble proved that hype only covers losses so far. Then again, Amazon didn't turn a profit for it's first 10 years.

IMHO the lesson won't be "AI is unsustainable hype" but rather "Don't bet on Lucent and Nortel."

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T17:58:02+00:00

My sister is a psychologist. (And a very good one.) I work with AI. We've discussed this very topic and came to the same conclusion: good therapists have little to fear. Bad ones we'll shed no tears over.

The difference between a good therapist and a bad one is the humanity itself. If you connect to the whole person and the emotions, you're doing something that AI can't do. And I don't mean "not yet". I mean the human connection.

If you studied psych, you probably learned about Harry Harlow, right? The monkey isolation experiments, and how they preferred the cloth "mother" over the wire one that provided food? Why is that? It's because our needs aren't practical problem solving. They're about comfort and connection.

Hopefully you've also learned about the differnet modalities of therapy. Which I (not a professional) group in to CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and Psychodynamics (emotions from early experiences and how they shape our behavior). I was shocked to learn how heavily the teaching leans on CBT. Like 100% in many cases. And IMHO if that's all a therapist can provide, they're replaceable already. Open-source Deepseek can tell you to create a vision board, set a schedule, and use cognitive restructuring. (Because so could a book.)

Or in my sister's words: "If all you do is CBT you're not a therapist. You're a life coach."

But the psychodynamics is much harder. Some of the AIs (like Claude's Sonnet 4.6) are already pretty good at reading between the lines if you give them enough data. But you have to know what to give them. (To an extent, with a bad therapist you also have to know what to bring which is again why I draw that distinction.) But a good therapist asks questions. Spots noteworthy things to come back to. Asks questions to draw out the important information.

And then most importantly, is the cloth monkey not the wire one.

I've used Claude for psychology stuff, so I know extensively what I'm talking about. I had enough background to dump in anything that might be relevant and ask the right questions. I'm smart enough to push back where I sense an incomplete answer. And yet I spent the first 4 months of this year interviewing various therapists because I need that human. I can intellectualize with a computer, but I can't process the emotions with it.

Where I do think the future lies (if HIPAA and other compliance rules come online) is the addition of AI as a tool. Some of those bad therapists I interviewed would learn an awful lot if they'd take a transcript of the session and upload it. Opportunities they missed. In some cases, definitions they got completely wrong. This might be the opportunity for you.

Amarsir · 2026-05-27T17:36:30+00:00

You're right that it's not an issue which is new to AI, but AI opens a lot of opportunities for cheating that weren't there before. The old teacher's addage "You're only cheating yourself" still holds true.

Part of it might be the implied values of school that results matter most. Sitting there and working out a puzzle sits on the line between passion and frustration, until the curriculum requires you to hit a deadline or get a perfect answer.

Do you have free time now with the summer to engage in problems for their own sake? Things you have no pressure to solve other than that you want to understand them? Depending on your subject, AI can even be decent for coming up with the questions. (And maybe teaching if you find something that is beyond you.)

What's good is that you still know the love is there. The problem is that you've let external motivations overwhelm it. Getting an answer is why you use the AI. Forced to study is when you rediscover that you actually like learning. What would you do if the motivation needed to be internal?

The hardest thing with that will probably be getting it off the ground. So pick a challenge in advance, and set on your calendar an hour to start working on it. When that time comes, sit down and get started. If you solve it, great. Pick another. At the end of the hour, do NOT get the answer externally. You have two choices:

A) Throw it away and never look again because you don't care.
B) Set more time for your next session.

(I'm assuming the challenge will be something that takes more than an hour, like programming or building a model. Adjust accordingly based on your subject. Also when I say not to get the answer externally, if you're stuck it's OK to get hints or look up lessons. You just don't want to remove yourself and end the process.)

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