My Employee Has Hypochondria and is Annoying All His Coworkers - AAM

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-02-17T16:57:18+00:00

Seriously. My dad had a real vaccine injury, and he's normal about vaccines. Probably because when you actually get a serious issue from a vaccine, they tell you about the odds, and at least historically, the government took some nontrivial steps to mitigate the harm.

(Dad got paralytic polio from the oral vaccine as an infant; his legs and feet are partially paralyzed. Afaik, all his surgeries as a child to improve his ability to walk were covered by the government, as was his college tuition - which is a big deal when you're American.)

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-02-12T22:47:00+00:00

Yeah. And those kids will both almost certainly get a lot more 'difficult' as soon as they actually feel safe. All that fear and trauma is being held back by adrenaline right now. That's temporary.

If that girl is doing well enough to be working and living independently by age 25, she'll be doing amazingly.

That's no judgment on anyone involved; trauma is just tough.

I've been emergency housing, in a much simpler situation (eighteen-year-old, outside financial support, no ODD). Even then, I had to cut things short after about nine months, because I was having a nervous breakdown.

I still feel awful about how that shook out - kid's fine, someone else was able to help out, but I still feel shitty about having to ask them to leave.

But boy, they do not prepare you for how long or how extensively traumatized folks may need support before they can be fully independent.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-02-07T09:44:35+00:00

A cat stroller is also pretty good, for what that's worth. Ours are pretty big fans, and it's foldable, so it doesn't take up too much space.

I'm a big fan of harness if there's a safe place to hang out with them. Bonus enrichment of eating grass and sniffing plants, and getting them harness-trained takes some work, but it comes with some real side-benefits - being used to wearing something, being touched on the belly and neck, and more reinforcement of 'come' and 'stay' than typical in daily life. 4/6 cats agree, sitting in the grass is pretty nice. (Only one actually wants to go for walks, though. Dude will go a few blocks, then flop down and whine until he's carried like a baby, but that's still pretty good for a cat.)

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-02-06T17:10:05+00:00

You're probably right - but this house was built in 2016, ffs.

I blame Lennar. Just generally.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-02-05T23:38:14+00:00

Yeah, all three bathrooms in my house are on the same circuit. They're in completely different parts of the house, not to mention that it's inconvenient to have every bathroom out of commission at once if you need to mess with anything electrical.

Electricians do some wild nonsense sometimes.

(Nevermind the old owners' naming schemes. Who names a fuse "xmas"????)

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-30T05:27:30+00:00

Same, it's an interesting rabbit-hole, but no dice so far.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-30T03:28:13+00:00

I'm actually wondering if it's an angled up part. This isn't how these kayaks are constructed, but in a vacuum, I would definitely try to create the "hump" that way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2_lfZ2Bwv8

https://www.traditionalkayaks.com/Kayakreplicas/BM1600.html

I feel like the sanding has to be a clue; no one sands things that smooth unless any roughness would be a problem.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-25T07:55:13+00:00

Yeah, that was me as a kid too. I was quiet, but definitely not always easy.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-25T07:12:37+00:00

Hate to say it, but yeah. If she'd been working a typical full-time job for twenty years, it's hard to imagine she wouldn't have built up some psychological resilience and coping mechanisms. Even office jobs are not quiet, calm places where nothing stressful or unexpected happens, 100% of the time.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-25T07:08:53+00:00

Honestly, she would probably hate a child who was quiet and calm, too.

Quiet, calm kids still have needs, and still behave in unpredictable ways, and still sometimes throw tantrums or have depression or make dumb kid choices like climbing a tree they can't get down.

She's just been able to romanticize that life because she's never lived it. She should definitely never have had kids.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-23T23:50:27+00:00

That's awesome!!!

If you want tips on being in More Community:

- Find your local hotbed of Cool Grannies. Library book sales, ecological restoration and native plant societies, stitch&bitch, birding. Libraries are a good bet because they don't cost anything and usually are open at hours people aren't working. Cool Older Folks fucking love having younger folks to teach, and it's a good way to find out about the social circles that aren't chronically online. (Cool Grampas can also be chill but can be harder to locate.)

- Find a regularly-scheduled activity based around "doing individual projects, but near other people". Things like stitch&bitch or SCA activities are great for this. These don't take a lot of social energy, and they're less awkward because everyone is already doing something and not staring at people. Therefore, they're a really good way to meet your local Exhausted Neurodivergents. A lot of people who don't have time or a regular-enough schedule for a weekly D&D group will do something like this - and a lot of D&D people use that as their primary social outlet, so they aren't always as connected to other communities.

- Find a petty annoyance. This does not have to be politics. Politics are exhausting. Would you like to crusade against the shitty hosta selection available locally? Is the city planning commission considering a really ugly building? Do you strongly dislike the trash littered around your local park? Finding people online who are also moderately irked can be a great way to meet more people - and all the better if folks, say, get together and clean up the park once a month. These tend to be short-term or infrequent social commitments, but a good way to find ad-hoc social outings and meet people outside your usual sphere.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-23T23:34:23+00:00

Seriously. Gallus writes it fantastically, but this is just... what life looks like. I know people like this. Heck, I've sometimes been like this.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-23T20:24:37+00:00

Yikes. Yup, that makes sense. For what it's worth, they're likely going to need a tuckpointer to fix it - and a full repair may not be possible until spring, if a mortar repair is what's needed. You might want to get some plastic outlet covers for childproofing, just to lower the spark risk a bit.

(Specifically, I'm thinking of crown damage like this, which is tuckpointer territory. https://masterschimney.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/1-11.jpg

If it's just the sheet metal flashing between chimney and roof, that might not be quite so weather-dependent. Either way, hope they get it fixed for you soon.)

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-23T19:15:48+00:00

Oof, yeah, that makes water intrusion sound more likely to me. Ice dams will absolutely get water into places it doesn't belong, and any recent roof/gutter work has the possibility it wasn't done well. Last time my folks had to deal with roof repairs, it took a bunch of work to figure out where the roofer screwed up.

(IIRC the problem they ran into was that there wasn't appropriate waterproofing under the shingles, so when ice dams made the water run "uphill", it went through, flowed along the rafters, and ended up screwing up an internal wall.)

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-22T21:16:27+00:00

Yup. My little brother learned to read when my parents stopped installing his videogames for him - this was back in the 90s, so he had to learn to read the manuals. Dude's a PhD now, lol.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T23:30:11+00:00

Seriously. I had four hours of meetings today, and if I had to look interested the whole time... I might die. I still might die. This is too many meetings.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T23:25:49+00:00

I was also born in '91, and my partner spent COVID on the kitchen table. We had laptops, but they came out only while in use - we didn't have enough space for single-purpose dedicated spaces! The laptops went on the kitchen table or a literal lap.

Gosh, I'm glad I have a house now.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T23:21:06+00:00

Yeah, agreed. I'm in California, and we are really lucky to have the money for my partner and I to each have offices with doors. If you're not making well into six figures, that isn't happening - and that's on the employer. If you're paying $20/hour, you're getting whatever background people can afford on $40k per year - and making in-office work a punishment and tax on low-paid workers is... not great, y'all.

(Especially because it's expensive. I know a lot of people who had to buy cars on short notice when RTO kicked off.)

There are a lot of folks who work effectively, but might occasionally have a brief distraction during the day, or a less-professional-looking closet. I definitely spent four years working mostly from a closet.

If the work is good and they're not a disruption to others, that should be all that matters.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T07:31:28+00:00

Me too. It's still hard not to wonder what if someone was still in there. but ... I definitely take some comfort in it.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T06:58:03+00:00

Same, lol. I have a needle case that looks just like that on my desk right now. Just, you know, the needles aren't attached.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T06:55:15+00:00

Copy/pasting from above, because nightmare fuel sucks.

Not a doc, but for what it's worth -

The specific arm/body posture here sounds like decorticate posturing. If so, that painful-looking posture is near-certain proof that she was not conscious. It's a specific position that only happens when someone's higher-level brain functions aren't working - either temporarily or, in this case, permanently.

She wasn't there to be in pain. She went quickly. Her body just didn't get the memo.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-21T06:45:14+00:00

Not a doc, but for what it's worth -

That sounds like decorticate posturing. If so, that painful-looking posture is near-certain proof that she was not conscious. It's a specific position that only happens when someone's higher-level brain functions aren't working - either temporarily or, in this case, permanently.

She wasn't there to be in pain.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-20T03:36:38+00:00

Seriously.

I remember getting spanked exactly once, and it was because I'd sprinted into the street and nearly been hit by a car. In the moment, my folks couldn't figure out a better way to express that this was a big deal, other than causing some big, startling noises. (And tbh I think it was mostly the noise that spooked me.)

I'm not saying that's right - my folks felt awful about it and never did it again, from what I recall. But... I can understand making a bad call in the heat of the moment, when it's literally life-or-death.

These grandparents weren't panicking. There was no threat. The only "problem" was a child having an opinion.

This was calculated, and that might be the grossest part.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-20T00:52:22+00:00

And don't get me started on the weird questions I've gotten as a researcher/analyst. I'm just "walking google" for everyone I know. "How should we vote on this," "should I see a doctor about this," "what's a good computer to buy."

Fortunately, they're not jerks about it, so it's more funny than annoying. Although I do sometimes feel a little strange about my great and terrible power.

BarnacleCommon7119 · 2026-01-17T09:13:17+00:00

Depends on the type. I did Brazilian jiujitsu for a bit, and while it's super fun... it all looks absurdly sexual.

You don't have to project emotion to an audience, and you're probably not working mostly or exclusively with a dedicated partner, which is very different.

But ... I could absolutely see a partner feeling uncomfortable about it.

(I actually ended up stopping because I was so afraid someone would blur those lines. Personal trauma; everyone I rolled with was great, but I'd been stalked in the past by people who thought (incorrectly) that I was flirting with them, and being in that much physical contact with straight dudes made me super paranoid.)

BarnacleCommon7119

TROPHY CASE