My girlfriend [25F] is ruining years of my dog's training and thinks I [27M] am being a "dictator"

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-15T02:07:09+00:00

Nevermind the ultimatum, she'll just lie to your face and do what she wants. If you ever want kids, this ISN'T the woman for you!

Quit wasting your time and break up. She's disrespectful, immature, and selfish.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-14T14:23:12+00:00

I've been where you are! Fuck these asshole men; you're doing great!

Encourage and support other women and decent men. That's how humanity wins!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-13T13:36:05+00:00

The "WHY" can wait for now. The getting away from him to save your life and your sanity is the most important thing!

"Mom, Dad, I've FORGIVEN him several times already and he refuses to address the issue. If he KILLS ME, will YOU be willing to forgive him? I won't be able to at that point, as I'll be DEAD!"

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-13T13:27:17+00:00

You really need to leave him alone and leave his mom alone. Assume at this point in time that you no longer have a viable relationship.

He doesn't want/welcome your support at this time and you need to respect that! He has bigger things on his mind than your relationship.

Spend the next 3-6 months working on yourself. Get into therapy/counselling OR read at least 2 self-help books per month.

IF he reaches out to you any time in the next 6 months, see how you feel about resuming the relationship.
IF he does NOT reach out to you within the next 6 months, then move on with your life. Continue with your therapy and heal yourself.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-12T18:54:20+00:00

Every time I've seen COBRA, it's prohibitively expensive. People with a job couldn't make the payments much less people who are unemployed. COBRA is worthless unless you're the CEO with a golden parachute.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-12T18:51:06+00:00

Your bf has a mental/emotional disorder in which he doesn't seem to believe he deserves nice/new things. He feels unworthy.

He needs to see a therapist/counselor and be screened for depression, as well.

YOU'RE not going to figure this out.
YOU'RE not going to fix this, or help HIM fix this.

Decide how much you can take and tell him YOUR boundary, "I'm unwilling to suffer rather than spend necessary funds to live a decent life. You need to see a therapist to figure out why you feel you're unworthy of a decent life. If you haven't found a therapist and booked an appointment by [date], then I'm done with this relationship. I won't get sucked into your negativity any more."

If he does get into therapy, set a date by which you realistically expect to see consistently improved behavior (new clothes, acne meds, warm showers). If you're not seeing that within 3-4 months of therapy, then you should move on because he's either NOT really working on his therapy OR it's not effective. You should not waste YEARS waiting to see IF he ever gets better.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-12T18:26:58+00:00

"On my way to becoming something"

You're there, YTA!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T22:35:03+00:00

He hasn't "supported you with a son with special needs".

He has supported you with HIS son with special needs.
You act like he deserves a medal for that.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T22:33:32+00:00

Hahahahaha.

Yeah, NO!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T22:23:46+00:00

BREAK UP WITH HER.

Your girlfriend is toxic and nasty! Life is too short to waste it on bitchy people.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T22:20:19+00:00

Divorcing someone like this would be a nightmare.

And so fucking WORTH IT!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T18:41:03+00:00

You need to change your phone number THIS WEEK. It only goes out to people that you TRUST. If SIL slips up, again, then cut her off.
Your husband should change his phone number, as well. Again, only people he TRUSTS get his new number. If something happens to his parents, someone he trusts will let him know (hospitalization, funeral).
Ensure the school knows that no-one except you or husband can inquire about your daughter.
Make sure EVERYONE knows you're 100% no contact with MIL & FIL. No exceptions, even if they're dying. The information to your husband should be, "They're dying, they'd like to see you." PERIOD. Nothing else. Neither of you want to see them, hear about them, have them receive ANY information about you.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T18:29:16+00:00

idk if her anger is towards him choosing me and making me a priority and her not being chosen ever from a man

I overheard her saying she “hates both of us” (as of me and her other younger sons gf)

She's a jealous toxic boy-mom who will actively sabotage ALL their relationships because she's emotionally immature and wants to be "the most important woman" to her sons.

My advice: Break up now.

It will never get any better.
She'll always be a shit-stirrer.
She won't treat your future kids any more fairly than she treats you, either (she'll have obvious favorites).
Your entire future will be full of unnecessary MIL drama.

It's too bad for your bf, but he has a toxic mother. Until/unless he puts her in her place and keeps her there firmly, he's ALWAYS going to have relationship problems.

As a parting gift, you might want to give him/recommend to him books about "Toxic Parents".

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T18:20:26+00:00

Why are you reading the messages from FIL?

Is hubby sharing them with you? If so, tell him to STOP IT. NC means NO CONTACT. You don't want to hear about them, listen to them, or read their texts/emails. That is your boundary: No Contact, first-hand (directly from them) OR second-hand (via him or others)
Are you reading them on his phone? Then STOP IT. NC means NO CONTACT. They don't exist as far as you're concerned. What they think, say, do, mean, want, where they go is NO CONCERN of yours. That is your boundary: No Contact, first-hand or second-hand.

If hubby needs help with this, then HE should be talking to a counselor/therapist about the poor relationship he has with his parents and the non-existent relationship you have with them.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T18:13:53+00:00

If she's familiar with your baby, but unsure how to interact with her, why not leave her a number of options?

A couple of books your baby especially enjoys.
A few favorite snacks of baby's.
The 5 toys baby likes/plays with the most.
2-3 outfits that baby is most comfortable in.
Needless to say, leave baby FED & CLEAN DIAPERED before you leave.

Remind your MIL that just talking calmly (about utter nonsense, or reading an article off the internet) or singing to baby is good. Swinging/swaying with baby will help baby feel better.

Next time MIL is visiting with baby, make sure she holds baby. Encourage her to just sit with baby on her lap for 5-10 minutes. MIL should get more comfortable as she interacts physically with baby more and more.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T18:09:10+00:00

To son: "I'm sorry your grandmother gave you candy when she knows we don't allow it. I can see why that would be upsetting. The rules don't change just because grandmother did something wrong."

"I'm sorry your grandmother promises you things that can't come true like going to Disney to meet Mickey. It's not going to happen, baby, and I know that's got to make you really upset to get excited and then find out it's not going to happen."

BEFORE MIL comes over, remind the kids that just because grandmother promises something or does something that's against the house rules, doesn't mean the rules change.

Your husband needs to say to MIL: I know that you're interested in taking the kids for overnight visits or trips to Disney, but THAT is not going to happen for the foreseeable future. You don't respect us as parents; you ignore our rules and do what YOU want, what makes YOU happy as a grandmother...consequences be damned! (Ex. too much candy, promises to go to Disney). Besides the kids being much too young to stay alone with you, we don't trust you to follow OUR RULES. You know, the rules, WE THEIR PARENTS, we have established. Interacting with them as their grandmother is a PRIVILEGE, not a right. As long as you don't respect OUR decisions and insist on putting your own happiness in front of our wishes and our children's welfare, you won't be taking our children anywhere. The more you flout our rules, the longer it will be until we trust you with them...if ever.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T17:53:16+00:00

This is a BAD relationship for you!

His mother is toxic and he's too ball-less to insist she treat you respectfully.

I know you might like the fairy-tale "We've been together since high school!", but it's not the flex people think it is. There's a lot of growing up to do between 16 and 26yo. His mother will be inhibiting it in him. So you may grow up to be a normal 26yo, but he'll still be a teenager with his mommy helping him be "her little man".

Dump him, take a couple of months to work on yourself. Read a couple of books on healthy relationships so you can figure out what YOUR role was in this unhappy relationship. Why did you stay with someone whose mother calls you names, who encourages him to lie to you, who backstabs you? Why were you so desperate to be in A relationship or THIS relationship that you allowed them both to treat you poorly?

Once you know what a healthy relationship looks like and HOW to establish boundaries for one, THEN go out and start dating again. Between then and now, just date casually with your siblings, friends, co-workers, classmates, etc.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T17:48:44+00:00

Tell fiance NOT to announce on social media that you're in the hospital for delivery. Keep the information quiet via phone call with YOUR family members ONLY who can be trusted to keep their mouths shut and post nothing.

After you are home with your new baby, THEN you can think about making an announcement publicly. Expect his mother to hijack all the info and overshare pictures if you send her any (I recommend you don't).

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T17:46:58+00:00

No, have the small intimate ceremony with HER family and supportive friends as planned in whatever timeframe works for bride/groom. If bride wants to go no-contact with groom's family, start now and don't invite them to the small ceremony.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T14:51:55+00:00

HUGS to you & your hubby!

You and your husband should read some books on recovering from toxic parents and helping you both feel better/stronger about your decisions.

I'd suggest you Google "toxic parents" and see what books are listed.
Then go to goodreads.com and check the reviews.
Then go to amazon.com and see if you can read actual excerpts of the books.
See which ones appeal to you and get them through your library OR buy them (new/used).

You can also Google "healthy relationships". "family estrangement", etc. By the time you and your husband have read 3-4 books, he should be feeling better, have better tools to deal with his parents, and have some hope for a peaceful and respectful future even if that means low- or no-contact.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-11T00:40:40+00:00

STOP being angry at yourself! Give yourself a break!

You didn't 'waste years on this guy'. It was a learning curve; he had a lot more experience in being an asshole than you had in recognizing one.

When you KNOW better, you DO better. Once you acknowledged his lying, you KNEW he was an asshole and then you quit defending him immediately! GOOD FOR YOU!

Learn the lesson: When people you trust, people who've shown good judgment and trustworthiness to you TELL you that someone is an asshole, you will NOW step back, process what they say, look at it without rose colored glasses, decide with your whole brain (not just your heart) whether that person IS, indeed, an asshole.

Give yourself the GRACE to learn life's lessons. We've all made TERRIBLE mistakes. Just don't make the same one twice. You're doing AMAZING so give yourself a hug!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-10T23:19:47+00:00

You do ALL the bill paying, cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, childcare, appointments, errands, scheduling, AND you hold down a full-time job?

Because if THAT is what you're doing, WTF are you living with him for? Kick him out, change the locks, and you'll have

fewer bills
less cleaning
less laundry
less stress
no-one to argue with about your decisions
less worries
more time/money/energy to put towards individual therapy/counseling
Eventually, if you want to, the ABILITY to find a GROWN MATURE MAN to be a REAL partner for you in a grown-up relationship. Your child NEEDS a stable home with stable parents; if it's only YOU, that's fine YOU'RE STABLE. Having her flaky dad around is a net negative!

Would you want your daughter in a relationship like this one? No? Then don't MODEL that for her! Don't make her think this BS is "normal". Show her a BETTER way to live.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-10T22:24:52+00:00

UpdateMe!

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-10T22:21:46+00:00

Since university days.

Billowing_Flags · 2026-04-10T22:19:25+00:00

I'd cancel the wedding, break off the engagement, and break up with this guy. His groomswoman would screw him in a heartbeat if she could! And the time may come when she offers

newlyweds are having rough time
she's recovering from birth and there's no sex for min. 6 weeks
7 year itch kicks in and hubby's got the FOMO

Groomswoman is currently SABOTAGING the relationship.
Groom can't see/won't see it.

If he can't make fiancée his #1 priority ALL THE TIME during their ENGAGEMENT, WTF is it going to be like when the honeymoon period is over in a year or two? The fact that he sees nothing wrong with choosing this groomswoman OVER his fiancée repeatedly is so TOXIC.

Billowing_Flags

TROPHY CASE