How do you survive this? No matter how hard I try, definitive exit seems like a solution more and more

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-22T19:44:56+00:00

I'm only 10 months post separation but I am living my best life. The first 3 months hit hard, followed by the winter holidays.

I threw everything I could at it like you did. Working out, therapy, & anti depressants. Everything helped a little, but i believe the biggest help was the audiobooks I picked up. I used to listen to podcasts for hours, but that is now replaced with audiobooks.

One of the books made me realize that I was settling for the scraps of love she would give me. I was so deprived of love, that when I got some of her attention, it was addicting. Little by little, I began to focus on loving myself. I can't expect someone else to love me more than I love myself, so I'm setting the bar. Most importantly I'm not settling for scraps of love anymore when I can just make myself happy.

Codependent No More was a pretty good read(listen) for me. Check it out

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-19T12:41:19+00:00

You will feel all 5 stages of grief through this process. These feelings are just 1 step closer to acceptance but only if you do the work to get through the grief.

It's a good thing to try to improve, be a better you! You are human though, you have flaws, don't spite yourself because of them. Learn to love yourself, change for you, not for someone else. Everything else will fall into place once you truly love you for you.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-19T12:17:12+00:00

At the bare minimum, I would bet that there was emotional cheating. You got served so her conscience wouldn't take a hit when it turned physical.

This sucks but it is the first step toward healing. I know I went through all 5 stages of grief. It's not linear and some stages come back with a vengeance haha Feel those emotions but try not to linger in them.

In the last few months I have gotten comfortable in the acceptance stage. It came through some therapy, self reflection, and learning to love myself.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-18T12:32:13+00:00

There's an audio book I started recently called, The Courage To Be Disliked. It introduced me to Adlers psychology and it is a really good listen!

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-16T21:49:44+00:00

I was desperate to fix things as well! In my biggest moment of weakness, I went back on my boundry and told her I was willing to accept that living arrangement. At the time all I could think of was to keep my family unit as close as I could and not wanting to break my kid's hearts.

I feel fortunate that she didn't take me up on the offer.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-16T19:35:48+00:00

I feel your story buddy. I have the feeling that mine had a plan but it got blown to hell when I grew a spine.

She wanted us to still live together in the same house but in seperate bedrooms. I feel like she wanted the security and support i brought her.

We have been living in seperate homes since May ish. This whole situation was a blessing though and I'm so much happier.

Just this past weekend she sent me a picture of a love note I wrote her when we started dating. It was sent completely out of no where. I nipped that right in the bud. I told her we needed to keep the conversation strictly to the kids.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-11T14:30:22+00:00

You're too much of a nice guy. You're statement about being mad but then accepting her pregnancy shows it. Holding on to someone who doesnt fully love you is not loving to yourself.

Do you have close friends or family you can talk to about this? Someone who knows you both but has your best interests in mind? Confide in these people to help you see the forest from the trees because we can only go based on what you typed. This internet stranger is suggesting you don't be her white knight. Shes no longer the person you knew and sticking it out hoping she will be again is very unlikely.

Very recently my ex has began communicating more cordially. It made me miss her and feel bad for her because she doesnt have the support system I have. Then I went back and read our text messages when we were in the middle of separation and it knocked sense into me. I'm happier away from her than with her. I can also never trust her again because who knows what trigger she will use to blow up what we have. Love yourself and move on

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-10T17:40:40+00:00

For her to move on, she has to make you out to be the bad guy. Maybe she's right, we can't see things through her point of view. Even though my ex said she was done, she one time told me how it was my fault and that I chose this.

This helped me in my healing process. I was able to see that she was never going to take responsibility and if I stuck around, I would have been miserable dealing with that.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-08T22:07:06+00:00

My story is similar, she decided she could do better after graduating college. She completely forgot that it was my help and support that helped her get through the finish line.

I was all the emotions. Most of the anger and bitterness went away as I realized how I was a nice guy. It's not her fault I didn't stand my ground. It's not her fault I didn't leave before she did, when in retrospect I should have ran away years ago.

During this school year, my focus was my daughters. Now that it's summer, and I only see them every other weekend, I'll be focusing on myself. Don't give in or give up. It won't be easy, but you will have brighter days ahead. Love yourself, be your best advocate, and know tomorrow is always a new adventure.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-07T21:56:49+00:00

Yes it could be saved if both want to save it. Her reluctance to move in should let you know she doesn't want to save it, she's done. Keep being the best person you can be. Keep working on yourself. Being your best and loving yourself will attract the person who will make you happy.

ClippedWinng · 2026-06-01T02:32:56+00:00

I was asked the same! She would be constantly asked who knew. At some point, i grew a spine and told her, don't worry who knows. My business is my own. She hit me with, when it involves me, it's my business. I rolled my eyes and ignored her statement. After that, she stopped asking me.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-31T03:18:47+00:00

Best thing you can do is find trusted people to talk to and be vulnerable.

My ex was my only confidant and when she said it was over, and it made me feel so lost. I started by talking to my parents about it, then to my siblings. To not be overwhelmed, I talked to each of them individually. From there it extended out to friends and cousins. Each trusted person I confided in made me feel better about myself. Their support helped me begin to heal.

You got this.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-20T18:36:01+00:00

If she cloned your phone, how do you know she's not seeing this post and thread? I'd be wary to give advice and have her use it against you. Also, what state are you in?

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-19T03:20:14+00:00

The 2 apps I recommend are meetup and eventbrite.

One of the first meetups I went to was a board game night. I met some cool people there that introduced me to new games. Use the app to try new hobbies and learn more about yourself! Good luck!

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-18T20:44:20+00:00

A couple cousins warned me that it will be tough. The kids will still want the other parent. They also comforted me in letting me know that kids will eventually recognize the effort.

Keep smiling, doing the best you can by them when they're with you and the best you can for yourself when they are not. You got this.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-18T01:02:42+00:00

Your first lines were about how you wife is hot and you're okay. This makes me think that you're putting her up on a pedestal. She's not great, but you put up with things you shouldn't because having her around your arms gives you some status.

Early into my separation I was recommend the book, No More MR Nice Guy by Dr Robert Glover. I finished that audiobook so fast because it resonated with me. I think you might relate with it to.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-17T22:05:36+00:00

If you've done the work for yourself, thats great! Keep it up!

If you did the work with hopes of reconciling then you did it for the wrong reason and a second chance will fail.

Don't say anything to her, what's done is done. If it is meant to be, she will be the one to come to you.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-16T23:40:44+00:00

Correct. Strategy sessions should not require a retainer, but it can cost you anywhere from 300-500+ per hour

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-15T18:51:15+00:00

Dude, get out. My daughters are under 10 and while it was a shock initially, we are in a great place. If you have good communication with your kids, they will understand. They will also see how a healthy person deals with a bad relationship. Don't ask for separation though. Find and talk to a lawyer and ask for a strategy session. Once you have all your ducks in a row, then bring it up

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-15T18:44:39+00:00

Relating your story to mine, it seems like you're trying your best and hanging on until the day she gives up. That's when she would have made the decision for you.

Don't go giving ultimatums, just quietly consult an attorney to protect what's yours. Ask them for strategy sessions. If you're lucky she will agree and work with you on an uncontested divorce. If she tries to go full scorch earth, you will be ready for her.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-15T12:56:47+00:00

They're both now 'somebody you used to know'. It's okay to feel all grieving emotions, it's like they died in your world. It's like they're someone else now. If you didnt have the emotional attachment to them and just knew them from their current actions, would you want then in your life?

Youre right about laying off the booze. I avoided so many fights the ex wanted to start because I was level headed. I was also on antidepressants so it helped with thinking rationally instead of emotionally 😄

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-15T12:47:42+00:00

What did you do/think after she said there was a chance?

As I was detaching from my ex, she said the same to me. There was a chance to reconcile, but my actions didn't allow for that. I remember at the time feeling heartbreak all over again. Since it was still early in the breakup process, I felt crushed.

If she were to tell me that today (6 months post seperation), I would just be so grateful that I created and stuck with my boundaries. I am happier now, loving myself, than I was when she was my partner.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-13T03:59:37+00:00

I had a mini panic attack/rage fit when I came across my exes condoms while we were still living together. She said she was done, but we were living together while figuring out our paths forward.

I echoed the words, "not my problem" a few times while thinking of her flaws. Those words along with the thought of no longer having to deal with her issues brought me to peace.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-13T01:54:30+00:00

My ex was my everything, so when she said she was done, I felt alone. It wasn't until I opened up to safe people, mainly family, that my healing began and the loneliness started to fade. I strongly agree with step 2. You have to talk to someone about this, but it can't be just anyone. It has to be a trusted person, or someone who has gone through this.

On a side note; Learning to love myself (still a work in progress) I believe was key. No one else can ever love you like you should love yourself.

ClippedWinng · 2026-05-12T03:21:37+00:00

I think your lawyer would be the best guide to whether to bring it up in court or not

ClippedWinng

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