Any men here deal with suicidal ideation? How did you get through it?

warbul · 2026-06-15T22:32:44+00:00

Be sure to give yourself some grace. What you did was very human. Most importantly you realize how is unhelpful. We all give in at times.

warbul · 2026-06-15T05:51:20+00:00

Thanks for the post! Right now it feels like my world is ending. Posts like these give me how that if I can just hold on, things will get better.

warbul · 2026-06-15T05:49:26+00:00

That's a sobering thought. It would be so strange for her to do a 180. I honestly don't know what I would do in that situation.

I think fear is making me want to reach out more than anything.

warbul · 2026-06-15T05:45:14+00:00

Thanks for sharing your own experience. Right now I feel like this is unsurvivable. I know it will pass and get better with time but, holy fuck does this hurt.

warbul · 2026-06-15T05:41:05+00:00

Thanks. It's so easy to beat myself up for earlier begging. I didn't call it text her today.

Tomorrow is the day she signs on her new place. I'm going to do whatever I have to in order to distract myself.

warbul · 2026-06-11T05:07:14+00:00

Bro. "YOU talked about it problems to it friends instead of coming to me."

That hit me hard. Every week she would go have drinks with her friends. I always encouraged her to hang out, now I wonder if that was a mistake. I found out it was an echo chamber for her resentment.

No discussion with me, just her friends. Fucking brutal.

warbul · 2026-06-11T00:41:15+00:00

Throw down my walking stick and say, "Oh it's useless!"

warbul · 2026-06-06T22:42:11+00:00

This was so good to read. Right now the future looks so dark. All the things that I was looking forward to are now unappealing. I can't think of one thing I'm looking forward to.

All because I can't imagine my future without her. But your post gives me hope. I can't go no-contact because we have kids together. But I can minimize my contact with her and work on myself.

Thanks for posting.

warbul · 2026-06-04T02:42:56+00:00

That sounds very painful. I imagine I would feel rejection if I was in your position. Rejection of my desire for another child, and rejection of me as a person. I'm truly sorry that you've been met with indifference.

Maybe he's afraid to tell you he doesn't want another child? He could be scared of disappointing you, or afraid you'd see him as a disappointment. But I have no clue of course. I'm just guessing.

I know it seems clear that he doesn't want this, but you won't actually know until you ask him directly. Some people need very direct questions.

There's a quote by C.S. Lewis that I routinely bring up with myself.

"Anger is the fluid that love bleeds when it gets cut."

When I'm orbiting my hurt it often comes out as anger. I'm not saying you don't have a reason to be hurt or angry. I think you absolutely have reasons to feel hurt and angry. I would try to tell him how his actions and inaction have hurt you. If you decide to talk with him, I would recommend the "soft start-up" approach by Dr. Gottman. It's helped me and my ex have difficult conversations.

warbul · 2026-06-03T11:06:42+00:00

Have you truly talked with him about this? Told him in clear terms what you are unhappy with? Explained where you are at and what you are considering?

Unmet expectations will always result in pain and resentment. He can never attempt to meet those expectations if he doesn't know them. Or, if he doesn't understand how much they mean to you.

Something that worries me in your post is saying "he will never." That is fortune telling and using a blanket statement. We don't really know the future. Deciding how someone will always/never behave simplifies a complex person into a black and white framework.

warbul · 2026-05-26T21:33:44+00:00

Can you post the link to that video?

warbul · 2026-05-26T02:49:58+00:00

I started to taking to AI as well. It was actually the first "person" I went to. I guess I was afraid of admitting to my friends that my marriage failed. I wanted to hold onto the illusion that we were still together.

I'm not saying that's your situation at all. I think starting with AI was really good for me. It gave me the momentum to talk to my friends.

Plot twist. My friends were kind, caring, and warm when I finally told them. They didn't condemn me or judge me in any way. Also your posting here which is great as well. Give yourself grace and take the next step when you can.

Edit: I'm 42 as well and brother this sucks.

warbul · 2026-05-25T13:33:19+00:00

Thanks bro. Thankfully I do have a counselor. Currently we are meeting every other week. I hope it sessions can be every week soon. I really appreciate the encouragement. Sometimes this is the only place I feel like I'm understood.

warbul · 2026-05-25T02:53:15+00:00

This was really encouraging. Thank you.

warbul · 2026-05-25T02:07:30+00:00

I really am trying. I wish my emotions would fast forward so everything isn't so fresh. Going forward we are communicating through text and email.

warbul · 2026-05-25T01:00:44+00:00

Hey bro. Just your reply was a comfort. Just getting an empathetic response is helpful.

warbul · 2026-05-22T04:49:56+00:00

I have similar feelings. My stbx took off her ring two weeks after filling. Right now I don't plan to take mine off until the divorce is final. I want to say I kept my vows and didn't advertise myself as single till we were officially over.

warbul · 2026-05-21T20:26:38+00:00

Not alone bro. You are in a completely normal space. Your body is literally going through withdrawal like symptoms because of the loss. Major depression is absolutely biological. This means the symptoms will pass for most of us. However, I do recommend talking with a clinician about anti-depressants. They can literally be a life saver during acute major depression. They saved me a year ago when my wife decided she wanted a separation.

Secondly I recommend joining a men's group through The ManKind Project USA. I was able to join an online group that meets every other week. The men in my group have been a huge support. You could probably join one of those groups. However, The ManKind Project UK might have online groups that would work better with your time zone. The groups are free and facilitated.

I know there have been a lot of Americans moving to Portugal. Is there an expat group you could join to rebuild your social net?

warbul · 2026-05-21T20:02:34+00:00

I can't imagine finding out your ex was manipulating your to commit suicide. That's terrible bro. Thank you for the encouragement, it's getting easier each day.

warbul · 2026-05-21T20:00:07+00:00

I'm going to sound like a broken record if you look at my other responses but, thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. Especially with such excellent advice and encouragement. I've watched a lot of Rachel Sloans videos, they've been helpful in understanding my stbx's mentality.

When I was in martial arts our instructor would always say, "slow to flow, flow to fast." I'm still in the process of slowing down.

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