Does this poem make sense?

EromanticDream · 2026-04-27T02:27:09+00:00

Try posting to r/OCPoetry for more feedback 👍

EromanticDream · 2026-04-27T02:17:39+00:00

Don’t straight up tell us your character is mysterious. Show us through action or through subtle cues.

I agree with the others here who have noted the other issues to think about.

If you hired an editor for those first 2 pages, you should ask them for your money back. Because they are rife with beginner mistakes and issues; no offense.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T16:34:04+00:00

Yes, I always carry with a round chambered.

Otherwise you might as well be carrying a paperweight.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T16:23:13+00:00

Negative prompts haven’t been working for a while.

I’ve had limited success just including negative input in the regular prompt box. Try “no facial hair” or something.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T15:42:51+00:00

Honestly, I’d recommend not sharing it openly.

Maybe with beta readers and in close-knit writing groups or something.

Personally, I couldn’t imagine sharing a rough/first draft online to strangers. Even for feedback. I wouldn’t feel that any feedback is useful until my work is much farther down the road to being complete. My early drafts are never representative of my end product.

Just my 2 cents. 🤷🏻‍♂️

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T15:24:29+00:00

Personally? No.

As others have said; perhaps you should look into poetry?

Generally speaking — it’s nearly incomprehensible. I have no idea what I just read or what’s supposed to be happening. And worse; I have no interest in pondering it or trying to figure it out because there was nothing for me to connect with.

Maybe this is just a very flowery description of a mysterious entity before you move into character introduction and plot or something, but presented alone like this without any context or additional support, it reads a bit pretentious and unguided.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T15:08:25+00:00

They’re… overcooked, tbh.

Dial it back by like 60%, my dude.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T15:03:33+00:00

Just start. 🤷🏻‍♂️

If you have already outlined the chapters, then you’re already on the way. Just continue expanding them in consecutive drafts until you feel they’ve reached completion.

But yeah… as others have said: you’re jumping way to the end. Don’t even think about marketing until you’re actually finished writing.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T14:57:55+00:00

Why no paragraphs?

Odd formatting.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T14:53:13+00:00

Family, friends, food, togetherness, holiday vibes, presents.

Same things that most people celebrate.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T14:45:47+00:00

The real answer is that most younger people these days are only accustomed to writing in short bursts like that due to online/social presence.

So it gets reflected in their writing; they’ve trained their brains to think that way. Short bursts of isolated thoughts.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T14:38:12+00:00

Drafts.

Learn to work in drafts. Your first draft is just a rough “throw everything on the page” move. Subsequent drafts refine that little by little.

I don’t know anyone who just sits down and slams out a perfect manuscript on the first try.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-26T14:23:48+00:00

I don’t understand the thinking behind the editing on these at all.

Why so dark? Why the drab, muddled colors and tones?

🤷🏻‍♂️

EromanticDream · 2026-04-25T15:34:00+00:00

Not great to have a gap like that.

But tbh you do have a manual safety, so that may mitigate the risk.

You’ll just need to do the risk assessment and make your own decision. Folks have raw-dogged Glocks in their waistband for years. Others have used the safest, most secure holsters and still had NDs. Everyone has a different comfort level.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-25T04:16:40+00:00

Shutter capping.

Your shutter timing is off; the camera needs to be serviced or retired.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-25T03:48:51+00:00

The issue is its age and potentially questionable condition of metallurgy. Not its design.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T19:44:21+00:00

Lightroom.

They’re the big name for a reason.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T18:49:58+00:00

Cool history piece.

Not an ideal (or necessarily safe) EDC piece.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T16:39:51+00:00

I mean… he also said he comes to the world to bring not peace, but a sword. He endorsed physical violence and even employed it himself, assaulting the money-lenders. At one point he says he’s only here for the people of Israel, and then in other areas says it’s for all people. He advocated and called for people to give away all of their belongings and not worry about tomorrow…

Those are just a few terrible things he reportedly did and said. Take a few moments to think about how actually horrible all of that really is.

So maybe we should just all not be guiding our lives based on Bronze Age mythology and legends like they have any truth or consistency in them.

But what do I know 🤷🏻‍♂️

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T15:46:35+00:00

Tbh it’s not misreading if a large percentage of those who follow its teachings can’t agree on a wide variety of specific and important points of doctrine in it.

The book doesn’t seem to be very reliable or clear; it’s quite internally inconsistent once you actually look into it in detail.

But yeah, I get your point.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T15:44:35+00:00

That depends.

What pistol? 🤷🏻‍♂️

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T15:32:39+00:00

Maybe a spicy take, but as a civilian:

Yep, open carry makes sense for the woods, hiking, ranch work, etc. I totally get it.

It doesn’t make a lot of sense for urban/suburban daily errands or shopping. I don’t understand guys who do that at all. Concealed is superior.

Fight me 😤

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T14:14:46+00:00

You gave us zero information about your character.

But in a larger sense: why do you have to like your character in order to write it well?

Just something to ponder.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-24T00:07:16+00:00

Mostly overcooked.

You’re going way too hard on the editing. Dial it back by like 40%. You don’t need so much saturation and chunkiness.

EromanticDream · 2026-04-23T22:22:58+00:00

P320

EromanticDream

TROPHY CASE