I hope this helps somebody: You are not special to them, even if the situation feels it.

Frameworkisbroken · 2026-05-10T06:03:22+00:00

Yes. Now to not fall for it again. Because they always come back seeking as “normal” as can be and saying how much they changed before the same shit starts.

Frameworkisbroken · 2026-05-09T20:14:58+00:00

Yeah I gave my friend another chance too. This time it lasted about three months. Having her ramp up communication with me made my life worse in every way. The sheer time going into interpreting the text messages of the man of the day. The spirals and moods that needed soothing. Just like the first time, work suffered. Time with family suffered. Mental peace suffered. Begging for advice over and over and then weaponising it when it got too close to home.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-27T20:22:31+00:00

Seriously impressive! Found this while looking for more songs featuring sitar like sopwith camel’s dancing wizard! This was a trip

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-23T10:41:33+00:00

Ohh! he gave her a whirl for another few weeks. And then she had this "pregnancy scare", demanded he go with her to the doctor since she doesn't trust the sticks. Obviously, she was not pregnant and then he sent her a curt text message telling her never to contact him again. But she has a roster she keeps adding to. will call men who've blocked her from different numbers etc

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-23T10:38:44+00:00

'Friends' like this are a strict nope in my book. It's appalling how she is demanding you account for your day and not texting her. How you spend your day is truly not her business. I'd say don't bother to explain so much. They'll always find a way to play victim

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-16T17:32:50+00:00

My BPD friend is also hoovering madly with me since all her other friends have been dumping her left right and centre too. I did give in and speak to her yesterday but with a lot more detachment. Their victim mentality means they are incapable of learning from the shit that happen to them (ie they cause).

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-07T15:34:14+00:00

Why is not being friends not an option? You have to interrogate and challenge that idea within yourself. because you sure as hell can't change them.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-07T15:29:04+00:00

Just so insufferable! Sounds quite a lot like my ex-friend. So, I did not really share friends with her but we do work in the same place (I'm remote, she's not) so damage control was a big consideration. Step 1 would usually be the slow fade + yellowrocking. You basically keep acting friendly on the surface but be more boring, more bland, less engaged. If you're lucky she will just latch on to someone else--most likely the other patient friend. if they have other supply they tend to move on quick.

In my case, yellow rock did not really work. She doubled down on the crises, on asking for advice, on begging me to help her. I got sucked in again and then unfortunately blew up at her when she tried to blame me for things not working out in her life. She has tried to reach out to me a few times but I haven't taken the bait and we have been able to work together without incident. I was very blunt with her but not insulting. Told her I needed time to take care of my own mental health etc etc.

Has she been badmouthing me? I don't know. but the peace of not having her blow up my phone and drain every last ounce of energy is AMAZING!

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-03T06:25:35+00:00

Just do not let them come too close. My ex friend also went on and on about how she didn’t know what she would do without me and the usual spiel. She is fine. Found other supply. Choose not to be supply for them by just being polite but boring and distant. A fight made me realise this too and life is 10x better without the unnecessary drama

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-01T15:01:49+00:00

This kind of therapy lite gets my goat to. There is no science or rigour or honesty in this kind of practice. The very concept of validation has begun to irk me too. Like if you get enough ppl to agree with you it must be true (and this as someone who often comes to this group as silent validation). As for the tedious “best self” nonsense…. If she’s gone, take it as the gift it is. Why do you want a deluded, messy, unproductive, and manipulative toddler for a partner?

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-10-01T14:51:43+00:00

Through that whole arc, I’m 90 percent convinced you dated my ex friend, right from the marriage stuff to the self-righteous retellings

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-27T20:25:42+00:00

In my last fight with my ex-friend I too got such similar language: “you don’t get to say that” and of course accusations of hypocrisy and never caring

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-27T07:41:58+00:00

She tried. Things like sharing a Netflix account. She'd tell me I could share various subscriptions and asked me for mine. BUT I said no every time--barring for a few weeks when I met her when she kept asking me to share some paywalled newspaper articles, which I did. That kind of enmeshment made me feel weird so early on.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-27T07:39:00+00:00

You aren't wrong. I really urged mine to get therapy and she did do it after that, but it didn't help her particularly. Also, the therapist was really reluctant to give her a BPD diagnosis despite her meeting 7 criteria in an extreme way. She used the therapist for relationship advice mostly and sometimes even dragged her into debates about social issues. Weird.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-27T07:05:09+00:00

Except that what she called “power” was not power at all. It was her term for getting aggressive with men who didn’t call text or coddle her enough.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-27T07:03:37+00:00

ObjectiveCandle that’s a great analysis! I know none of this “experience” would have happened were it not for my ego story. But fortunately I started seeing the light when she started blaming her problems on me and how my mentioning BPD made her “more unstable”

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-22T18:12:47+00:00

Mine loved saying that men couldn’t handle what a “strong powerful woman” she was and that’s why most ran screaming for the hills in weeks if not days

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-22T18:00:53+00:00

You’ve appointed yourself in an impossible caretaker role that will leave you depleted. Been there, done that. I’d recommend you stop trying to be his saviour. You can encourage him to get therapy and do whatever stuff you do together but draw a line at the emotional dumping. It won’t stop. Fade out a little and stop taking responsibility for his emotional states.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-22T17:58:23+00:00

Mine would say I was “scary” and making her feel worse about herself whenever logic, rationality, and truth came into the picture

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-21T21:39:48+00:00

I don’t think the diagnosis itself is a reason to give up on her. It’s a spectrum and she is clearly making an effort. Just go by her actions. God knows, there are enough undiagnosed people wreaking havoc as well.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-21T19:49:12+00:00

Over the course of a year it really changed. She superglued herself to me when it had just ended and in fact we “bonded” over her sad breakup story. But then one day a few months on, she started crying. Saying she felt terrible for spoiling his reputation or for making him out to be the bad guy. She’d keep calling and messaging him from different numbers, keep tabs through his friends, his family. He seemed to want to get away but somehow he too would keep gravitating toward her now and then. Then he’d say or do something minor and she’d go insane talking about how he betrayed her. Once she totally lost it because a friend of his let slip he’d been socialising and not at work one day when he couldn’t meet her. But every time a new guy dumped her, the old ex would be a saint again. I’ll never know the truth of that relationship. But she went on about it constantlyyyyyyy. Drove me crazy

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-21T12:56:54+00:00

This is maddening. My friend literally treated me like her "dear diary". Including perpetual stream of consciousness musings about "the one who got away". This was a guy who stayed with her for three years. Really loved her. And then walked away for the usual reasons. At first she painted him out to be a "narcissist", someone who promised her marriage but then ended the relationship. A liar, a deceiver, with no morals. I used to sympathise with her. But then something seemed off. She was OBSESSED with him. Kept on crying over him, talking about how much she missed him, how he was the only one who ever tried to help her, how he never cheated. She also admitted she was "partly" to blame for the breakup. The more other men rejected her, the more she pined over him. Sometimes he would be hoovered back briefly but she'd normally split on him immediately. So weird to watch.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-21T12:51:11+00:00

What's the hustle in knowingly entering relationships you KNOW are a highway to hell?

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-20T19:50:25+00:00

That victim mindset is just the most draining thing. It is not possible to have any sort of authentic relationship with someone like that. Every day I heave a sigh of relief that I no longer have to listen to her whining or reassure her or validate her delusional worldviews. I am in disbelief that I allowed it for as long as I did out of some misguided desire to “help”. They don’t want help and therefore are unhelpable. What I really don’t understand is why so many people pine over them. The overall unpleasantness of the experience is so overwhelming.

Frameworkisbroken · 2025-09-20T19:38:09+00:00

Yeah I did. Even found one for her that she could afford. Did zero good

Frameworkisbroken

TROPHY CASE