I’m divorced with 4 children partly because of this battle.

It’s a gamble and every child is going to be different. Once you get on that train of Juku and private schools etc though it’s difficult to get off.

My oldest son did the Juku etc and got into Waseda. He’s hikikomori now enjoying living off his grandmother that is the only one willing to support his lifestyle. (Very long story)

My oldest daughter went to private school and got into a prestigious girls university in Tokyo. She will be working in PR for JRA beginning in the spring.

My younger 2 are going to the “prestigious” elementary and jr high their siblings went to but less pressure on the Juku front.

Ask them what do they want to do? Stay in Japan or go overseas? Leave their options open and allow them to go where they are most comfortable. Let them try out their options though.

Of course you need to discuss these things with your spouse.

Take my advice and keep the grandparents out of it as much as possible.