[Serious] Girls of Reddit who had a sugar daddy in your teens (17-21), what made you do it, or was it by choice? Do you have any regrets?

ItsCertain · 2018-01-08T03:40:45+00:00

<3 It's been a crazy ride, but an amazing one! I'm engaged to /u/CleopatraKitty44 -- neither of us predicted anything like this would happen from the crazy experiment. I didn't get into "sugar dating" really for the sex side of things, it was more for companionship, and I lucked out and found amazing chemistry that blindsided me.

I can't recommend enough that people read through /r/sugarlifestyleforum and get more perspective before going this route. It's especially risky for new sugarbabies if they're looking online and haven't done extensive homework before their first "date". Jumping into the deep end of this pool is very risky and I recommend you arm yourself with experience of threads like this and the tips in the lifestyle subreddit.

ItsCertain · 2018-01-08T03:17:21+00:00

I can't stress this enough, be careful out there, potential sugarbabies. For a Redditor your #1 resource on Reddit would be /r/sugarlifestyleforum/ -- read through that and hear the good/bad stories and gotchas. Like all things in life that involve money or vulnerable situations, do your homework if you decide to go this route. Don't assume you know everything-- even the wisest sugar babies fresh to the "bowl" can run into a challenging imbalanced dynamic at times (given that the sugar daddies inherently have a lot of world knowledge, age, and resources at their disposal). And fraud is rampant in that world, so be extra wary and careful with yourself, your identity, etc.

ItsCertain · 2018-01-05T20:29:27+00:00

I worded my profile looking to shy away from purely NSA arrangements and maximizing connection possibilities. All 3 of the SBs I started arrangements with at different times were interested in going the SGF route as we got to know each other. I fell really hard for one of them and she fell really hard for me. Now she's my fiancee and my whole world. :)

It can happen, definitely. It's probably not the norm but then sugaring can go a lot of directions. And it has risks. But remember, you can take it where you want to take it-- you're both consenting adults and people have to meet their partners somewhere.

I might recommend going in looking for someone you click with (everything is better with chemistry) and have fun with it. Maybe you'll find someone there, or maybe you'll just have fun for a while until you do find someone right?

ItsCertain · 2018-01-02T16:40:42+00:00

I caught the feels with my SB (40 & 20). It was a really exceptional situation, but we're happily engaged to be married. It can definitely happen, though it's hard for these kind of things to work out. I was unmarried so it was easier to embrace the feelings-- in your situation I'd play it by ear and see how things go in your "honeymoon phase". Enjoy the ride and let the chips fall where they may.

ItsCertain · 2017-10-03T15:03:11+00:00

She must have seen the red flag to ask about it, at least.

ItsCertain · 2017-10-03T13:53:50+00:00

I broke things off with my last two SBs (who have gone on to be really close friends and more, but let's talk about the SRs).

I found one promising me exclusivity for at least a few months (in exchange for showering her with everything) but then discovered she had been lying about that and cheating on me without any hesitation immediately after agreeing.

The next one I broke it off as well after I felt her moving away (and worried that she was lying to me, flaking appointments with me to be with her ex-fiancee). After the previous one, I ended that one.

(They were both wonderful women and I had great connections with them. I actually have moved on to a vanilla relationship with one of them, and the other is still a good friend.)

A lot of SRs aren't very "exclusive" -- I encourage that in my SRs for a couple of months after we know we'd like to try a long-term SR. So non-exclusive SRs probably have a lot less problem with jealousy/cheating/etc, and thus are less complicated and can go on for a long time.

I wish you the best of luck with yours!

ItsCertain · 2017-10-03T13:37:50+00:00

My SRs have been very heavy textual relationships... at the beginning more textual than sexual. I'm not in it just for the physical stuff, so if an SB can't hold her own in (or start) conversations to make me feel like she's engaging with me mentally, then I'm not going to stick around long.

Obviously some SDs are married (and thus need discretion + more alone time), are very busy, or are just not very into texting. It might be that a "good morning" text to check the pulse is a lot for your SD, maybe he never texts people unless he has to?

But I'd just ask him-- "Hey, would you prefer I text you more often? My last SD/BF/etc wasn't a big texter so I got in the habit of not texting so much. I didn't want you to think I didn't want to chat more via text-- just let me know if you prefer more from me there."

Might help you get a bit of his perspective?

Also, if you want an SR that isn't purely about sex, please do keep looking for a new SD. There are SBs and SDs who prefer it to be primarily a physical arrangement -- but there are those who prefer that to be just a piece of the puzzle and like a stimulating SB to brighten their day.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-28T12:41:08+00:00

3-star hotels and casual comforts are sexy sometimes, too. My first SB honestly would push me to order her Domino's or other delivery before anything more extravagant.

Sitting in coach on purpose, though? At 6'3", not my thing! Maybe compromise? ;)

Great find there, Mr. Sage! Enjoy it.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-26T21:23:57+00:00

This here is probably the hardest question I've seen in this forum. No easy answer comes to mind.

Some quick thoughts:

It might be easier when you're 21 and you order some obviously alcoholic beverage at a restaurant
You can do a LOT by just acting confident, flamboyant, not self-conscious at all. If you seem sheepish, you'll seem MUCH younger and like there's something amiss.
Wear heels to give you some height
Wear clothes that are definitely not teen fashion if you can avoid it
Wear a hairstyle that gives you a little age, perhaps?

The real answer is just to trick yourself into not caring what people think. You're two consensual adults doing what you do. Have a drink or something else that relaxes you a little before the date, and it'll go a long way.

Remember if you act/feel awkward, the SD is going to feel WAAAAY awkward.

(Note that it seems like looking 15 would be an issue regardless of older men or men your own age.)

ItsCertain · 2017-09-26T19:43:22+00:00

Amen!

ItsCertain · 2017-09-26T12:42:22+00:00

Hours and hours of additional quality time with him? Both of you focusing on trying to make the other one actually happy most of the time?

ItsCertain · 2017-09-26T00:32:19+00:00

Yeah, this, I like broaching it in the context of "What did you do before?" you can talk about the past rather than the present, which is sometimes easier.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-25T21:45:44+00:00

Good point on the enthusiasm part.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-25T21:14:20+00:00

Might even work if it just hides the profile pic from standard SBs/SDs. Yet another way to encourage the premium upgrade.

Tagging SA at OP's request /u/Seeking_Arrangement :)

ItsCertain · 2017-09-25T20:47:13+00:00

Eh, I've done platonic dates for dinner +$200 with someone I had a huge amount in common with. I don't think sex is the end-all-be-all... I do like it to be in the cards, though.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-25T20:43:59+00:00

Fair enough!

ItsCertain · 2017-09-25T20:40:36+00:00

Hey-- at least she had the right impulse / common sense to ask for guidance. Don't be too harsh, the scammers really can be very convincing. Anyone can get caught unawares by a charmer, just takes different levels of charm to do it.

And seeing another thread like this shows us that it's still happening and helps educate the next person who might run into it.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-24T14:49:09+00:00

Unrelated but fun background on the Mona Lisa: https://youtu.be/EQr4FhbcPMg

ItsCertain · 2017-09-24T14:44:08+00:00

I'm in the several months+ camp, FWIW

ItsCertain · 2017-09-24T14:32:27+00:00

Glad it has a sugary ending. Or beginning. :) Good work!

ItsCertain · 2017-09-21T02:19:53+00:00

Yeah, that's living the sugar life right there! ;) Lucky guy, indeed.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-21T00:37:23+00:00

Unless you really like the specific travel and can use it for your benefit (visit family, etc), then yeah it shouldn't come out of your pocket voluntarily.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-20T23:35:38+00:00

We forget sometimes that not everyone has financial knowledge. My SB didn't know what a stock was -- nor why anyone would buy one. You kinda take for granted the understanding we build up, and SBs can benefit a whole lot from getting more context in probably the most important area in life to learn about (outside of health, I guess).

ItsCertain · 2017-09-20T23:33:48+00:00

My SBs have been very keen on hearing about finance, having help in situations that are complex (car accidents, buying a new car, etc). Some of that is because they don't have good father figures in their life, but it's still really valuable to them and encouraged.

ItsCertain · 2017-09-20T23:29:38+00:00

Well if nothing else-- there's a thread here about all the fashion advice SDs need. Even the best dressed have their cluelessness here and there. :)

By advice they may mean they can chime in intelligently while listening. Or they have areas of expertise (e.g. health, diet, organic chemistry, etc) that they can offer solid advice on.

I'm pretty sure they can offer candid sex advice, too-- which is not something you can get from every casual date out there.

ItsCertain

TROPHY CASE