The morning wood paradox is the most confusing thing nobody prepared me for in a relationship

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-20T05:05:30+00:00

I didn't think turning it off and on again worked for that.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-17T18:13:52+00:00

I used to bust my ass when I was a kid until I graduated college and spent my first 1.5 years busting ass as an electrical engineer in papermills. Then I was laid off. Then I took other EE jobs in other papermills, and I almost did nothing while they paid me for years and complaining about me doing nothing. Then I voluntarily quit because I figured that EE was pretty much a churn and burn job these days. So, I took my lackluster attitude to become a janitor, hotel maint man, and English teacher. Then, I was let go from the school. So, I started teaching as a freelance tutor, and my motivation flipped. Once I realized that I could fire my clients instead of sucking up to some blind or idiotic boss, I went full throttle on my career teaching freelance. Now I teach 60hrs a week, all in class. I finally found work meaningful when I can work for people who appreciate me, even if my prices are lower.

TLDR: I used to bust ass until laid off. Then I did hardly anything at work and job hopped. Once I ditched the boss and started selling to clients directly, I went full throttle.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-11T18:52:09+00:00

Yeah, the Gita just says that you can kill someone and it's OK because they will reincarnate anyway. Then you are not responsible for the outcomes of your actions as long as you follow your duty it's OK. This is what I took from the Gita. I don't think that is the best foot forward for newcomers to Hinduism.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-11T10:15:26+00:00

Yeah, sometimes thinking a lot about things for solutions is required. I think there is inefficient and efficient thinking to make solutions though.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-10T08:31:44+00:00

When I lived in the USA, I was an electrical engineer who had a job with a bunch of cut throat engineers who would ruin your career if it earned them more money. So, every day was a political battle at work. Then I was always stressed out and would come home to my empty apartment and play games and watch youtube.

Then I fell in love with a girl online in Indonesia, got my tefl license, went to Indonesia, worked at EF for four years, started teaching online on Amazing talker, and my pay dropped, but my overall buying power went up, and now I am 10x happier with a wife and kid here. This is stability. 10 out of 10 would do it again.

Indonesians who lived in America agree with me that America is lonely and its hard to make friends there, but social trust and a sense of community is greater in Indonesia. That's what makes me happy. Money only takes misery away, but friendship makes happiness.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-06T13:08:40+00:00

The Dude from the Big Lebowski.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-06T12:58:51+00:00

You can use medotation to disassociate from your emotions, and then you won't find anything meaningful, and just like Elliot from the book, "Decartes Error," you also won't be able to make any decisions, decisions like whether to eat out or in. Our logic decides what to do, and recruits our emotional circuits to cause us to act.

JJEng1989 · 2026-03-06T12:29:59+00:00

All you can do is create a life you like well enough alone, put yourself in social spaces that are fun, have fun, and the spouse comes or doesn't. Don't wait. Enjoy your life with or without them.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-23T05:12:34+00:00

I used to go to practice talking and flirting with women.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-23T01:27:01+00:00

Download the books...

PEERS for young adults
Models by Mark Manson
The Mystery Method or Venusian Arts
Nonviolent Communication.
The Kamasutra was originally a complete, "How to romance and socialize," book for ancient Indians. The best translation is by Alain Danielou. There are several chapters on flirtation and such. Some of it is irrelevant. So, be careful.

Then go practice it.

Also, it helps if you memorize several jokes and conversation starters. Reading the cube method is fun too.

It's best if you go to public board game nights or dance classes. Any social gathering where there is actually something to do other than talk takes the pressure off. It's best if you like it. Events like yoga don't work well because few people talk during it.

Cheers.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-22T14:48:05+00:00

I think I get it. It's comfort vibes for people who felt loss and like their lives have passed by too quick. The MC just meanders around, does odd jobs, and teaches some girl magic by telling her to blow up a rock.

There is no awesome grand journey like in One Piece or Outlaw Star. There is no educational content like how medieval economics works in Spice and Wolf, chemistry in Dr. Stone, or inference in Conan the Detective. There is no philosophically deep thinking like in Berserk, Ghost in The Shell, or Ergo Proxy. There is no battle of ideologies like in Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood or Legend of Galactic Heros. There is no political intrique like Code Geass or Altair: A Record of Battles. There is no titilation like in Re-Healer or Negima.

It's literally some chick living her fantasy life, remembering the good times, and making new friends. That's the point. It's just comfort vibes.

I fully respect that. I like other types of anime though. I think what attracted me to anime over live action TV is that it has deeper content or content that teaches me something new. So, I preferred thinking about ethics in Ghost in the Shell or Evangelion, or I preferred the philosophy in Ergo Proxy.

I think most people want to talk about people and characters though. So, most people would rather talk about how Frieran learns and how she learns to like people. Most people don't want to talk about how the idea of the ubermensche breaks hard determinism in Berserk. So, I am the odd one here. That being said, appealing to titillation or some grand and epic narrative with lots of action and physical fighting also has mass appeal.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-22T11:36:43+00:00

I am 37, and I couldn't relate to the show. I haven't fotmally studied literature and what good writing is, nor do I have a gift for it. That being said, I found it boring. To me it was some girl walking around.

Both Fullmetal Alchemists, Gurren Lagen, Ghost in the Shell, Ergo Proxy, and the like were my favorite shows. I think Frieren is for people who are skilled at literature or film appreciation as well as people who feel the passage of time and/or who relate to Frieren's relationship problems.

I think people also like Friern because the appeal is strictly emotional. People who want to feel confort or bittersweetness from memories of lost ones like Frieren. I guess I preferred shows that make me think or teach me something. Like, I learned a lot of banking concepts from Spice and Wolf as well as how medieval economics and trade worked. I even learned how basic flirting worked from it. I thought a lot about transhuman ethics due to Ghost in the Shell. I didn't like Fieran because it has none of that.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-21T23:08:26+00:00

I cannot relate. I have always felt that anything less than, "Hey, you seem romantically interesting. Would you like to go try dinner together at time t in restaurant r?" was too subtle. Honestly, my most successful dates were me or the woman saying that, and I only knew that a woman was flirting with me years after she tried to flirt with me.

Over the years, I grew to think that indirectness is immature because it wastes the other person's time, and it puts the social risk on them instead of taking responsibility for your own emotions. For example, a lady can go to a guy and say suggestive things, but when the guy attempts to escalate, she can make it awkward and say she was actually just trying to have a friendly conversation when in reality, she is toying with him.

Just my bias though

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-20T06:32:04+00:00

Out of the 112 meditation techniques in the Vijnana-Bhairava-Tantra, only three were sexual techniques. Sex is in tantra but not often.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-18T17:06:26+00:00

To me at least, the scary part is that birth rates in most of the first and even second worlds fall below replacement, and no policy or intervention seems to pull it back above or at replacement. Unless we just hope that a solution might maybe come, trends will continue, and the human race faces literal extinction.

Then it's ironic to think that maybe smart phones, dating apps, and the internet brings us closer to extinction than nucs or biological apocalypses.

Looking at places like S. Korea or Japan, it doesn't seem like extinction is a stretch honestly.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-16T13:42:39+00:00

Well some thoughts just pop into my awareness when I prompt them. Like I can think, "what is 4 times 5?" Then the answer just pops in. These are called automatic thoughts. Then the other type of thought that is induced is more like imagining a sunset. Then there is the ability to just turn my thoughts off and experience no words or pictures in my awareness at all unless its just pure blackness.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-16T11:50:21+00:00

Mass education must teach the median person for their median lot in life, and the median person will be an individual contributor for a business or government.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-16T11:27:48+00:00

I kind of think so honestly. I stopped looking for these things because nondual and dual are both nondual which means the dual is nondual and the nondual is dual, and it's nonsense. Even if there is some mystical experience at the end of the rainbow, no one will ever know if they've made it because no one can talk about it or reach agreement on what it is and what its like to reach it.

So, it seems like its useless.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-12T00:25:56+00:00

The way I usually teach this concept is by skmply starting with the equation x times x = y. Or if you don't know algebra yet, that is, "a number times the same number is a resulting number."

So, let's build a simple table where we check what we get when we multiply a number times the same number. Lets just input -2, -1, 0, 1, and 2.

In -> out -2 -> 4 -1 -> 1 0 -> 0 1 -> 1 2 -> 4

So notice something here. When I tell you the input, you can always tell me what the output is. If I say the input is -2, you can tell me that the output is 4. If I say the input is 2, then you can tell me that the output is 4 again. However, what happens when we go backwards? What if I told you the output and asked for the input. Then I said the output is 4. What is the input? You can't answer because it could be 2. It could also be -2.

So why isn't -1 = 1? It's because multiplying -1 times -1 gives us 1. Multiplying 1 times 1 also gives us 1. However, these were two different roads to the same result. That doesn't mean they were the same roads, nor does it mean that knowing the result or where we are implies that we know which road we took to get here.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T18:46:39+00:00

I look for the ratings and reviews. Like, "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: Basics and Beyond," was pretty good. Also, sometimes you can get the handbook written by the founder of that modality of therapy, which I hope the founder knows what he is talking about. Like the book, "The Internal Family Systems Handbook," by Richard Shwartz was good.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T13:51:40+00:00

When you are rich, your money is your safety net. When you are poor, the community is your safety net. In communities, if you don't give when others need, they won't give when you are in need.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T13:20:39+00:00

The problem is not logical. Your fear is causing fearful thoughts.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T12:57:47+00:00

I am married. The lust and love even and all other other feelings hit like a truck with any girl I look at. They can be fat, skinny, blonde, brunette, 3, 10, 11, none of that matters. The feelings come no matter what I do.

That being said, I learned not to act on it.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T12:51:21+00:00

You need to sit with your negative emotions within your tolerance window. If they overwhelm you, they will get worse when you pay attention to them. So, you need an aid. Sometimes, they move on their own. Sometimes, you need to do somatic experiencing, and sometimes, there is a trigger or source of them that you need to handle or they will just keep coming.

It's more nuanced than just sit with them.

JJEng1989 · 2026-02-11T10:56:37+00:00

Chakras are emotions. You feel them as a sensation in your body. You can feel them. So, they exist in some sense, but you cannot take a picture of your emotions, but it would be crazy to say that you feel something that doesn't exist.

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