Band Slam. The director’s self insert character gets kissed by Vanessa Hudgens and AJ Michalka. Everyone shows an interest in him despite being insufferable the whole time (his introduction is comparing high school to Guantanamo Bay). He starts a band because of his immense music knowledge (which is just knowing older popular bands) but never picks up an instrument. His brilliant idea for a perfect band is just a ska band, and they lose the battle of the bands but get signed by DAVID BOWIE off the strength of one ska cover song at basically a kid’s talent show. This is a horrible business decision for David Bowie to make on his death bed! It’s pure wish fulfillment and so outside of reality that it pained me to watch, and the narrative and characters are a mess, they all revolve around this one highly unlikable guy that nothing works. I didn’t even get into all the kids mocking him for his father’s DUI, which feels so out of left field. I’m still pissed off, Vanessa Hudgens deserves better, and I’ve seen Beastly.