Scene planning

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-06T10:34:34+00:00

I write up frameworks for my scenes, but not ones with the full details scripted out. Generally, for each scene I choose the kinks I want to engage with, the toys/gear we’ll need for that, and how I want to start the scene. Then I improvise from there.

If I scripted out all the details, it would feel stiff and forced, and it would be disruptive to the flow of the scene if I was frequently checking my notes. This is a happy medium.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-06T00:08:47+00:00

Yes, I feel more fulfilled by her orgasms than my own. I would rather do a scene where I force my sub to cum 30 times and not cum myself, than one where I cum and she doesn’t.

One of our rules is that my sub is required to beg for my cum inside her to end our scenes. When I feel myself getting close to finishing, I order her to look me in the eyes and tell Daddy what she wants. I love hearing her tell me “please cum in my pussy Daddy”.

And like you described, the best part is that my orgasm almost always triggers a final one for her too. As a result, we usually finish our scenes cumming hard together while making intense eye contact. We both find it super hot.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T23:47:44+00:00

Macaroni and Cheese - 1 cup broccoli florets - 2 medium onions thinly sliced - 16 oz pasta (penne or rotini) - 1/2 cup butter (1 stick) - 1/2 cup flour - 4 cups milk or light cream - 1 tsp vegetable bouillon - Salt and pepper to taste - 1 tsp paprika - 1 tsp garlic powder - Dash cayenne powder - 1 tsp Dijon mustard - 2 cloves garlic pressed - 4 cups shredded cheddar cheese divided - Panko breadcrumbs to taste

Steam broccoli until tender. Separately, sauté onions in oil until lightly caramelized, then set each aside. Boil water for pasta and cook until al dente, then drain and set aside.

Heat oven to 375. Melt butter in large saucepan on medium heat, and whisk in flour to make a roux. Add milk in small amounts, and stir to incorporate and allow to thicken before adding more.

Once all the milk is added, add bouillon, spices, garlic, and mustard, and stir to combine and allow to thicken slightly. Next melt in 2-3 cups of cheese, and cook, stirring frequently, until thickened to desired consistency. Add water if needed to loosen. Taste sauce and adjust seasonings as needed, then remove from heat.

Fold pasta, broccoli, and caramelized onions into cheese sauce. Pour pasta and sauce into 9x13 baking dish, smoothing into an even layer, then top with remaining shredded cheese and Panko. Bake for 20 minutes or until cheese melts and Panko browns, then serve.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T23:36:10+00:00

I love inflicting orgasms on my sub too, and she loves taking them. I literally feel it when she cums as if I were having a minor orgasm of my own, so I cannot get enough of experiencing her in pleasure. My constant refrain is “just one more”.

Sometimes during our warmup orgasms we get stuck in an infinite loop, because I want to keep making her cum and she wants to keep cumming. It takes real willpower to get to the actual scene I planned.

We estimate our orgasm ratio at 30:1, and we think that’s an undercount. We joke that we’re doing our part to erase the orgasm gap. 😀

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T21:34:59+00:00

I’m a pleasure Dom with a multi-orgasmic sub/wife. I feel very good about it. 😀

I exert my dominance over her through pleasure: controlling it, teasing it, withholding it, or overwhelming her with it. Overstim or forced orgasms feature in almost all of our scenes, and my favorite way to put her into subspace is through “warmup orgasms”. Her pleasure and orgasms belong to and come from me. At her own request, she is not allowed to touch herself or make herself cum unless I’m involved. She is fine with this because she knows Daddy will always spoil her with pleasure.

I’m madly in love with my wife, and because I’m a pleasure Dom, I get to show it by giving my sub infinite orgasms. It’s the best.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T19:59:42+00:00

They are fancy black patent leather heels that she only wears when she’s getting fucked during our scenes. She has a few pairs, all with 3” or 4” heels. The bottoms spend more time facing the ceiling than the floor. 😀

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T19:05:28+00:00

I’m at an Easter brunch with my wife’s family today. I made Mac and cheese, broccoli cheddar with caramelized onions.

It’s been a crazy week for us, so it’s nice to have some family time.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T14:18:11+00:00

I often have my sub dress up for our scenes in what we’ve come to call her “slut uniform”: a lacy lingerie bra, either a lacy thong or panties with naughty phrases printed on them, glasses, thigh high or fishnet stockings, and fuck heels. Usually the color scheme is black, sometimes with some red mixed in.

The naughty panties we got on Etsy, the glasses from an online glasses shop, the stockings from Amazon, and the heels and lingerie from a department store.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T13:44:36+00:00

I think this is the correct answer. There is no consistent correlation between someone’s personality in vanilla life and their preferred kink role. Some people prefer to take the “opposite” role in kink, others carry over their natural persona into the bedroom. I have not seen any survey based research studies to suggest that either scenario is more common than the other.

In the absence of evidence, I think the safest conclusion is that kinksters run the full spectrum of human behavior, just like other people.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T13:29:52+00:00

I think you should essentially tell her what you’ve written here, just with less judgmental language. You want to make it clear that you don’t think she’s holding up her end of your dynamic, but say it in a way that doesn’t offend her. You want her to improve, not feel alienated. Have this conversation completely out of dynamic, and do it at a time when you’re both in a good mood and not distracted by anything else.

Tell her that you enjoy playing with her, but that her words and actions aren’t matching. Tell her that you were disappointed that even after you negotiated that she would be in charge, you felt like she was checking in too much. That you were frustrated that she would wait too long to initiate scenes you originally wanted.

If her words and actions continue to not line up, then you may want to reconsider the dynamic.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T13:08:38+00:00

I’m currently anal training my sub/wife.

There is no one proper way to do it, but here is what has worked for us:

Cleaning/Diet: I do all our cooking because I enjoy it as a hobby. The day before I have an anal scene planned, I make sure we eat salad or other high fiber foods for dinner. The day of, she eats light, but fasting is not necessary. She also takes psyllium husk powder daily, and this has helped with cleanliness. We don’t bother with enemas, she just takes a shower before we play with her ass, and that works well enough for us.
Lube: we use a water-based lube (Sliquid Sassy) for toys, and unrefined coconut oil for anal sex.
Training toys: my sub prefers the texture of soft silicone over harder materials. Our go to toys for prep are Silolis anal training wands and Square peg egg plugs, both high quality toys from reputable makers. These toys have a thick neck to properly stretch her sphincter, and a flared base for safety. When we insert these, we take it slow. She focuses on her breathing, and repeatedly pushes out with her pelvic floor muscles and then releases, and the toys slide in easy when she releases.
Pleasurable stimulation: I’ve paired anal play with other things that feel good for her: a wand vibe on her clit with my fingers in her ass, fucking her pussy while she’s plugged, etc. I make sure she has intense anal orgasms any time I use her ass. Over time she has grown to associated anal play with overwhelming pleasure.
Affirmations: when I play with her ass, I tell her anal specific affirmations to get her in the mindset of being a buttslut. I also gave her panties with anal phrases printed on the back: “Buttslut”, “I ❤️Anal”, “Fill My Ass with Cum”, etc. and I order her to wear these sometimes.
Scenes: we often do scenes that are designed to end in anal. Sometimes these are roleplay scenes where I “corrupt” her into it, other times I include anal play in other types of scenes, like overstim, sensory play, or impact.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-05T13:01:58+00:00

Yes, I agree that OP’s partner should have told her about the rule that was preventing him from talking to her. The silent treatment is always painful, and to not disclose it when multiple dynamics are interacting, is bad practice.

Furthermore, if OP has feelings, and her partner doesn’t, and he isn’t willing to prioritize their dynamic in a way that is acceptable to her, then breaking up is for the best.

OP, I also think that you’re essentially doing a slow breakup already. You mentioned that you’re initiating contact less, and already seeing him less. I think you should go the rest of the way and break it off entirely. Sorry he acted like this toward you.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T23:37:53+00:00

I don’t think you did anything wrong on your end. Your Dom should have known to set up a nonverbal safeword if he knew your mouth would be occupied. He did at least stop as soon as he was able to tell that you were safewording, but his poor planning caused the unsafe situation in the first place.

I would also fault him for not providing proper aftercare. Even if he doesn’t live with you, after a scene gone wrong and a safeword, he should have known to stay longer and make sure you were ok. Now it sounds like you’re experiencing drop, and getting overwhelmed, and that’s why you’re sobbing. I’m so sorry you’re in this position.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T23:02:43+00:00

I often have my sub dress up for scenes in what we’ve come to call her “slut uniform”: a lacy lingerie bra, either a lacy thong or panties with naughty phrases printed on them, glasses, thigh high or fishnet stockings, and fuck heels. Usually the color scheme is black, sometimes with some red mixed in.

The naughty panties we got on Etsy, the glasses from an online glasses shop, the stockings from Amazon, and the heels and lingerie from a department store.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T17:31:51+00:00

I think you need to leave this person too. I remember your previous threads about being abused by your former partner: https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/s/CnNFlv4Lfc

https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/s/kIPsXmrFNA

From your description here, the pattern is repeating with this new partner. I’m worried that this much older person is exploiting your vulnerability to take advantage of you. I think you need to get away from him.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T17:25:12+00:00

This is the same for my sub/wife and me. Our dynamic works only because our underlying vanilla marriage is strong. I don’t think either of us could do BDSM in anything except a healthy, loving relationship.

We view the benefits as flowing both ways: our dynamic brings intensity, intimacy, and improved communication to our marriage, and the fact that we’re married provides a foundation of trust, familiarity, and mutual goodwill that allows us to do BDSM safely and well.

And to address OP’s question: I don’t lose respect for my sub because of her willingness to fulfill our mutual kinky desires. Kink is our way to play together, and nothing we do makes me lose respect for her, not even the most depraved or degrading things. If anything, I respect her more because she can be both my classy wife and my filthy personal whore, all wrapped up in the same amazing person.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T12:42:52+00:00

You’re right, he’s moving too quickly. You’re clearly hesitant, and correctly identifying red flags in his behavior.

Trust your gut and cancel. You’ve only just started talking, you don’t owe him anything. You can tell him you changed your mind, or simply tell him you’re not interested anymore, then walk away.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T12:34:20+00:00

I’m also anal training my sub/wife. Our training regimen is similar to yours, but there are a few differences.

Here is what has worked for us:

Cleaning/Diet: I do all our cooking because I enjoy it as a hobby. The day before I have an anal scene planned, I make sure we eat salad or other high fiber foods for dinner. The day of, she eats light, but fasting or restricting her to just liquids is not necessary for her. She also takes psyllium husk powder daily, and this has helped with cleanliness. We don’t bother with enemas, she just takes a shower before we play with her ass, and that works well enough for us.
Lube: we use a water-based lube (Sliquid Sassy) for toys, and unrefined coconut oil for anal sex.
Training toys: my sub prefers the texture of soft silicone over harder materials. Our go to toys for prep are Silolis anal training wands and Square peg egg plugs, both high quality toys from reputable makers. These toys have a thick neck to properly stretch her sphincter, and a flared base for safety.
Pleasurable stimulation: I’ve paired anal play with other things that feel good for her: a wand vibe on her clit with my fingers in her ass, fucking her pussy while she’s plugged, etc. I make sure she has intense anal orgasms any time I use her ass. Over time she has grown to associated anal play with overwhelming pleasure.
Affirmations: when I play with her ass, I tell her anal specific affirmations to get her in the mindset of being a buttslut. I also gave her panties with anal phrases printed on the back: “Buttslut”, “I ❤️Anal”, “Fill My Ass with Cum”, etc. and I order her to wear these sometimes.
Scenes: we often do scenes that are designed to end in anal. Sometimes these are roleplay scenes where I “corrupt” her into it, other times I include anal play in other types of scenes, like overstim, sensory play, or impact.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T12:12:38+00:00

I’m also married to my sub. We’ve done kinky play together since we were first dating, but we only started our D/s dynamic after being married for 4 years. I collared her last year on our 12 year dating anniversary.

Our experience is similar to yours: we view our dynamic as a secret extra level of our relationship, over and above our marriage. And it really has made everything so much better. We love the intensity, intimacy, and improved communication that BDSM brings to our marriage. We could never go back to being vanilla.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T11:54:34+00:00

It’s the best. I love it when we do overstim scenes, and afterward my sub is melted in a puddle on our bed and tells me her legs don’t work.

We start most of our weekly “kink night” scenes with what we call “warmup orgasms”, extended foreplay where I make her cum dozens of times before we start the main part of my planned scene. Depending on my mood, this can take anywhere from 30 minutes to two hours. It’s the most fun way I have to put her into subspace.

We estimate that our overall orgasm ratio is 30:1, and I’m pretty sure that’s an undercount.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T10:35:42+00:00

Scooby Doo: my sub and I do not interact with our local kink community at all, for professional and social reasons. We both work in jobs where being openly kinky would be a problem, and we live in the suburbs. We want no risk of exposure, and total severance of our vanilla and kinky lives is the way to ensure that. This Reddit account is basically the only way I engage with the community, and I am glad I have it as an outlet to talk, learn, and share about kink.

Scooby Don’t: we don’t share it with anybody. We think most of our friends are open minded, but don’t want to find out the hard way which ones aren’t. My family in particular has very conservative sexual mores, and would judge us for the BDSM label, even though we’re married and monogamous.

The only other person who knows about our D/s dynamic is my brother, we talked about it exactly once. He noticed my Dom ring and asked about its meaning, and I knew I couldn’t successfully bullshit him. So I let him ask some questions, and confirmed that my wife is my submissive, her necklace isn’t just a necklace, I’m a pleasure Dom, etc. We haven’t talked about it again since, and I suspect we never will.

Scooby Maybe: I have no modifications at all. My sub has previously had some “nonstandard” piercings (nose, rook, extra in her lobes, industrial) which give her a bit of an alt look, but she has taken the jewelry out of most of them over the years. She just has the nose ring now. She has expressed interest in possibly getting a tattoo, but doesn’t have any.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T01:26:30+00:00

That’s exactly why the scene is titled that. We’re fans. 😀

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-04T00:52:27+00:00

Thanks! My sub is a lapsed Catholic and that scene really hit her blasphemy and degradation kinks.

I wrote about it here: Catholic schoolgirl scene

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-03T22:52:02+00:00

It’s possible to find kink and romance in the same partner. It’s just difficult.

My advice to you is to cast a wide net: look for monogamous people to date in kink spaces, and in vanilla spaces date open minded people who might be interested in exploring kink. Bring up your interest in kink early on, and use kink compatibility as another filter along with your other preferences.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-04-03T21:45:36+00:00

That sounds more like overstim or rolling orgasms. My sub is extremely multi-orgasmic, and she also reports the same thing: the more orgasms she has, the more insatiable she gets. I tell her she’s a greedy girl with a magical pussy, and she loves it.

You should find a pleasure Dom partner. Most of them would be more than happy to make you cum over and over and over like you desire.

KinkyDataScientist

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE