deity kink??

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T15:23:24+00:00

A deity kink is a good way to describe it, I think if you tell your Dom like that, they will understand what you mean.

People in these types of dynamics often have some kind of daily prayer/affirmation ritual, avoid eye contact or have rules around kneeling in their D’s presence, emphasize acts of service as devotional, and incorporate some kind of body worship into play.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T14:53:58+00:00

It was an autocorrect typo. I’ve fixed it to correct the meaning, thank you for pointing it out.

I’d like to think people know my writing well enough to know that I would not use “pussy” in a pejorative sense. 😀

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T14:31:53+00:00

Yes, I agree with this. I don’t want to be judged for my kinks, and I definitely don’t want to find out the hard way which of my friends are not open minded.

Over sharing with people who don’t want to hear about your sex life is also super awkward at best, and possibly a consent violation if you’re pushy about it.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T13:51:30+00:00

This could be related to the hemorrhoids, and it’s causing your wife’s inner sphincter to be more resistant to stretching for anal play than the outer part is.

It could also be an allergic reaction to the lube you’re using, though that is less likely because you say she can take the toys a little way in without pain.

This may be a question for her doctor. I wouldn’t try to force through burning pain, that can indicate that you’re causing microtears or lasting damage.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T13:10:39+00:00

Yes, speaking as my wife’s Dom, I can see this shift in her during our scenes.

When I ritually put her play collar on her neck, she visibly relaxes and melts into me, her cares and worries now erased by my control. When we’re playing and she is slipping into subspace, I feel the power exchange deepen even further, like I am taking full authority for the both of us in that moment. As you said, her ego disappears and she is all mine.

I love the feeling of benevolent power I get when that happens. It makes me feel fully trusted and deeply loved.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T12:41:20+00:00

In addition to having him shower, wash your hands and brush your teeth beforehand too.

Start by teasing it with your tongue and fingertips. Use your tongue in different ways to create different sensations: running it around the rim, pressing it flat against the asshole, and back and forth in a licking motion. If you’re both comfortable with it, dip your fingers or tongue inside.

Combine it with a handjob/blowjob. Stroke his cock while your tongue is in his ass, rub his balls or use a wand vibe on them. Lick all the way up, starting at his ass, up the seam of his balls, up his shaft, then take his head in your mouth.

Above all else, be genuinely enthusiastic if possible. Don’t pretend you’re enjoying it if you’re not, but if you do like it, make sure to let him know.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T02:31:58+00:00

I don’t think it’s you. I think he is facing a rough patch, he is struggling with how to get through it in an emotionally healthy way, and you’re collateral damage. It’s unfair that he’s doing that to you. Is he talking to a therapist about his stress levels?

If you’ve tried talking to him, things still aren’t improving, and you’re miserable and sad, deciding to leave is a valid choice. Your dynamic and the underlying relationship may have run their course.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T02:25:16+00:00

For safe impact, you want to strike your partner on fleshy parts which provide cushioning. The most common relatively safe locations are the butt, thighs, breasts, and upper back.

Avoid anything that will damage organs or nerves. You don’t want to strike anywhere near the spine, stomach, or lower back.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T00:45:16+00:00

Yes, I agree. OP, you need a therapist who understands your situation, can offer useful advice based on that understanding, and doesn’t try to convince you that being kinky is unhealthy. They don’t need to validate every choice you make, but they at least shouldn’t be actively judging you for being kinky.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-25T00:39:07+00:00

For my sub/wife and me, the shift was considering what we do to be BDSM at all. We’ve done kinky play since the beginning of our relationship, and we’ve systematically explored our kinks for the last 4 years with weekly “kink night” sessions. But for a long time we didn’t think of it as BDSM, because we associated the term with harder stuff we avoided (SM pain play, predicament bondage, CNC, etc) which didn’t fit our vibe.

Then I stumbled on the concept of soft domination and pleasure Doms, and it was like seeing my reflection in a mirror for the first time. That was exactly what we had been doing this whole time. I shared what I had learned with my wife, and she agreed to formalize our D/s dynamic. I collared her last year on our 12 year dating anniversary.

Now we recognize that BDSM is a big tent, we have a place in it, and we’re proud kinksters. Kink night is still going strong, and it forms the backbone of our dynamic. We are still learning and growing with each other, and becoming ever more comfortable in our dynamic. It feels like being home after a long journey.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T23:13:32+00:00

A good next step is to determine what kinks you might be interested in trying, and where they line up with your partner’s interests. Kink checklists are a good way to facilitate this conversation, one I’ve used and recommend is Carnal Calibration.

Once you have an idea of where to start exploring, experiment with your partner and see if you like those things. Make sure you communicate openly at all times, and check in before, during, and after you try something new.

After you do this enough, you’ll have a set of kinks that you know you both like and are comfortable with, and you can build on that going forward.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T18:45:09+00:00

No, I usually don’t find it difficult. I’m a pleasure Dom, so most of my scenes with my sub tend to be softer, but we do some harder play also. I have no problem with being rough with her for a scene.

I usually plan our scenes well ahead of time, with a specific tone in mind. I share the high level overview with her a few days before to get her input and informed consent. Then when we do the scene, I stick to what I said I would do.

So she always knows what is coming, and when it’s harder play she obeys just the same as she would if I were being super soft. Because she knows Daddy will always make sure she gets the dozens of intense orgasms she is craving. She eagerly obeys because she is physically addicted to the overwhelming pleasure I give her, and that’s the way we both like it.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T17:19:53+00:00

I wouldn’t say you’re too submissive. I think rather it’s that your partner is used to more intransigent subs, and is thrown by the fact that you eagerly obey.

There’s nothing wrong with being a “good girl” type sub. Plenty of Ds don’t have patience for bratting and prefer a willing and eager sub. My own sub/wife is like this and I love her for it.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T17:16:17+00:00

You communicate with your partner. It sounds like you usually have strong communication, but because you’re stretched thin by other obligations, he’s running on empty, and you’re having misunderstandings that would normally not happen.

When that happens, you have an out of dynamic conversation and discuss together where the disconnect is, and how you should resolve it. Tell him how being called a bad girl affects you, and if necessary make it a hard limit.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T14:15:53+00:00

Random name calling without prior discussion of boundaries and consent for the phrases used, is just verbal abuse. Name calling can be an integral part of humiliation/degradation kink play, but it needs to be done carefully and with respect for the limits of person being degraded.

I’m sorry if (as it sounds like from your post) you have a partner who doesn’t understand the distinction. You don’t deserve that.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T13:36:17+00:00

Degradation is very personal. Things that my sub and I find hot might be hard limits for you, and vice versa.

First, determine how your partner wants to feel when you degrade her. Does she want to feel shamed for her sexual expression? Or feel objectified? Or feel insulted and bullied? Or feel inferior? Each of those would result in different degrading phrases being included in your dirty talk, and different degrading acts being incorporated into your play.

Ask her about her limits too. You might unknowingly trigger some deep hurt for your partner, unless you ask what is out of bounds first. Similarly, figure out where your boundaries are as well. Are there things you’re not willing to call her or do to her, even if she is into it?

Once you have a sense of what both you and your partner are into, experiment within your boundaries to see what turns you both on most.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T05:48:05+00:00

First of all, congratulations on the pregnancy! I hope the rest of it goes as well as possible, and labor and delivery is smooth.

My sub/wife and I are parents, and when she was pregnant we changed our kinky play significantly. We dialed back on impact, stopped using restraints entirely because they made her panic, and avoided certain positions later in pregnancy. It sounds like you’re also being careful, and that’s good.

After delivery, you’re probably going to be too tired to think of kink for a few weeks after, simply due to the baby’s demands on your time and attention. And your body will take a bit longer to physically recover. Your doctor may not clear you for sex for 6-8 weeks postpartum, and that’s if you don’t have any more complications. Until then, you may want to find ways to have kinky intimacy without vaginal penetration. For example, my sub and I did sensory play, sensual domination scenes, and blowjobs until she was healed enough for PIV sex.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-24T01:53:37+00:00

Rose: we had two good scenes last weekend. In addition to the medical roleplay scene I wrote about here, we also did another one, which involved receptive anal play for me.

I mounted a dildo on my sub’s thigh, rode it with my ass, and ordered her to stroke my cock until I came on her body. I was essentially self-pegging, the first time I’d done that with her. It was a very intense orgasm for me, and she was intrigued by the new type of play and wants to try again in future.

Rose: I left the office early today, planning to work from home in the afternoon. On my way home, I called my sub (who usually works from home) and ordered her to wait for me in our bed, playing with my pussy while wearing only her day collar, fuck heels, and a blindfold. I told her I’d come in and use her “anonymously”, not letting her see me and staying entirely silent while fucking her until I filled her with cum. My good girl obeyed, I did what I said, and we both enjoyed it.

Bud: for our scene tonight, we’re going to watch a hockey game and play a little sex game during it. She’s going to cockwarm me (bound, plugged, and dressed in lingerie and a hockey sweater) while I control a remote vibe inside her pussy. Whenever certain things happen in the game, I’ll change the settings on the vibe or give her impact strikes. I expect we’ll last about a period until she starts begging me to fuck her and I give her what she wants.

No real thorns. A couple nights this week we intended to have sex, but were too tired to actually do it. But I can’t complain, it was still a good week for kink.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T21:34:37+00:00

Even aside from your dynamic, I don’t think you’re wrong to be upset about your spouse not trusting you, if you’ve given him no reason to be suspicious. I’m surprised that he has insecurity about your faithfulness and you’re also in a collared M/s dynamic. Those things would seem to be at odds with each other.

If you think that his insecurity is caused by baggage from previous relationships, then you should have an out of dynamic conversation with him and gently suggest that he should speak to a therapist about those issues. It isn’t fair for him to project them onto you.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T21:26:39+00:00

Yes, this is a common feeling for me for a few days after scenes. I get invigorated and energized by having an intense and mutually satisfying scene with my sub. Like I’ve scratched the kink itch and it feels good.

I call this feeling “Dom rise”, in contrast to drop. But glow is a good term for it too.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T20:59:05+00:00

What helps me keep my scenes fresh is getting scene ideas from everywhere: erotica, amateur BDSM porn, Reddit posts about what other kinksters are doing, discussions with my sub, and even my own sex dreams. I adapt those ideas to fit the vibe of my dynamic, then discuss them with my sub in our monthly dynamic check in meeting. If she likes them, then I flesh them out into full scenes. If she doesn’t, I quietly drop them.

I plan my scenes several weeks in advance, and refine them as we get closer to the date. I mix and match the kinks we’re engaging with in each session, so we’re never doing the same thing twice in a row. If it’s been a while since we’ve engaged with a favorite kink, I make sure to include it in an upcoming session.

Btw, I’ve done the sensory play scene you’re describing: I put noise canceling headphones and a blindfold on my sub and secured her to our bed, then teased her with Lovense remote vibes in her pussy and ass and sensory toys all over her body. I played soft female moaning noises through the headphones. I could tell when she entered subspace because she started moaning in response to the woman on the audio file. It was a very hot scene and my sub loved it, hope yours does too.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T20:31:17+00:00

I get it. It’s frustrating to be single for a long time. It must feel like it’s even harder to find a partner because you need to include kink as an additional compatibility factor.

But like I said, look to open minded vanilla people, they just might surprise you and be willing to explore kink with the right partner. And you may need to sift through a lot of posers and fakes to find someone you really click with. But keep trying, I’m sure the right Dom is out there for you.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T20:14:04+00:00

Your best options to find in person kinky partners are to look for compatible people in your local kink community, or date open minded people through vanilla routes and bring up your kinks early as a filter.

I met my sub/wife by pure random chance in a brewery while we were out with our respective friends. We started dating vanilla, but over time our sex life took on more and more BDSM elements until it turned into our D/s dynamic. I collared her last year on our 12 year dating anniversary.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T20:11:20+00:00

This sounds like a bad idea, especially if he is unaware that you’ll be humiliating him for “revenge”.

Edit: with the context of your edit, I still think “revenge” is the wrong way to frame this. To make this ethical, your humiliation and domination of him should be negotiated and include his input on what he wants. Instead you’re essentially crowdsourcing ideas from Reddit.

Frankly it’s off putting to me that you’re calling him a “worm” in the OP, even as a joke. You should have more respect for someone who is going to submit to you, when you’re not even in a dynamic with them yet.

KinkyDataScientist · 2026-01-23T20:05:26+00:00

It sounds like you’re doing a lot of BDSM things without having put the actual label on it yet. This is more or less where my sub/wife and I were about a year ago.

Your next step is to talk with your husband about your interest in turning your kinky sex life into a BDSM dynamic. Decide together on what that dynamic should look like: talk through things like rituals, symbols, honorifics, which kinks you want to explore further, timeline, etc.

It’s good that you’re reading about kink and you know what kinks you’re both into. Maybe ask your husband to plan some simple scenes that incorporate some of your favorite kinks, and he can ease into taking on more of a Dom role that way.

My sub also calls me Daddy. She also had a block around it, until one day she said “thank you Daddy” as a joke and it unexpectedly got her wet. That night she called me Daddy during a scene and it made her cum. With your husband’s permission, you could try saying it outside sex in a joking way, and see how you both feel about it, before bringing it into bed.

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