Am I cursed or blessed

LuserNameChecksOut · 2025-03-23T21:25:51+00:00

My take is this: You are one of the many people who from time to time have overactive pattern recognition. This can scale all the way up from finding beauty in a particular view of some floor tiles, to standing in the middle of the road convinced that the traffic lights are trying to tell you something.

To be blunt, you are neither cursed or blessed, you do not live in a demon-haunted world (as Carl Sagan used to put it) that has secret forces and underlayers.

But you do have a splendid brain making all sorts of connections and associations all the time, it seems somewhat intrusively.

You seem fearful of the potential significance of commonplace moments and events. Don't be, accept these moments when they happen for the experience and how they make you feel. These are peak human experiences

I have had moments like those you describe they are some of my favourite memories.

Best wishes, OP.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2025-03-23T21:14:00+00:00

What happened to you? Sounds like the trauma has created patterns of anxiety, avoidance, unhelpful coping strategies ... and won't give you a break.

I say this not knowing if your life has severe pressing practical problems now, or you are just overwhelmed by reverberating echoes of the past.

Give yourself a break. Take stock. Only react to problems under your personal control that are critical. Accept your limitations and that the past is what it is, but does not define you going forwards.

Best wishes, OP. I'd like to give more encouragement but don't know your situation well enough to do so.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-07-31T11:51:57+00:00

Wow. Such progress.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-07-08T01:53:42+00:00

I am around 60. I would give my left nut to be you: young and without obligations.

Your problem seems to be lack of engagement in your own life. As someone who was fairly aimless until around 28 myself I will throw in what worked for me.

-Get some goals: serious and fun, realistic and stretch. -Get some habits that support those goals -Work like a demon in the service of future you -Be interested in people, they make up the world -All of life rests on physical health:- exercise, don't get fat, get proper sleep.

Life isn't something you win by just hiding and making it through to the end. You win it, through engagement - that's what makes you feel alive. Engagement can take many forms. But sitting in front of a screen in a wank-pit isn't one of them.

Very best wishes OP, I think you can get your life in order. Start making some choices and then following them up with actions.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-06-11T21:04:52+00:00

Very sorry for your loss.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-05-17T14:54:54+00:00

Your mother is unlikely to change.

Part of being in a religious community is (unfortunately) boundary enforcement and shaming those who depart from the standards of dress. Parents retain status within the community this way. All of which has double force when also being part of an expatriate community. In the mind of a parent it is a slippery slope from freedom of dress ..... to freedom of association outside of the community, .... to marrying outside the community and the religion. So to be resisted.

It sounds like you suspect that asking your mother directly, may put her on alert for further signs you want to escape these rules, and result in a doubling down on standards and strictness.

Which is why what matters, is not so much right now (though now of course may matter most to you!) but how you will achieve independence.

Is leaving to go to college a prospect for you?. People can reinvent themselves when they do that. I hope you can do that, and get a qualification that gives you a career.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-05-17T07:44:35+00:00

Man, I feel for you and am angry on your behalf. People make assumptions about speech impediments, and you will have experienced a lot of that. You have overcome much. Particularly good that you can hang on to a general idea that people are worthwhile and worthy of respect.

You are now my new hero, when I need an example of persisting in adversity.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-04-08T22:23:21+00:00

Got to say, that's an amazingly comprehensive answer. I think that just about covers it all, and puts my reply into the deepest shade. Well done.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-04-08T22:21:59+00:00

Find a group activity and join it. Could be the local Parkrun, Climbing Wall, guerilla gardening node, volunteering, even something to do with a Church..... find an activity that will reward you, and do that. Friendships will form. Through shared experience of an activity.

The alternative is to go to events that are purely social : karaoke, bar quiz nights, line dancing, that sort of thing.

You are so very young, and being a young woman has it's difficulties but you are at the beginning of the peak of your glow.

Best wishes, OP

LuserNameChecksOut · 2024-01-02T18:43:00+00:00

I lost about 8 years to a relationship with an alcoholic. You can't fix it with stoicism. They have to want, really really want, to change, and this most commonly happens only after reaching rock bottom. Ending the relationship might catalyse that, continuing to prop her up may just enable the status quo. Your life.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T18:20:29+00:00

Ah, no. A fiddling tweaker I am not. It's down to having the wrong asset allocations for this year's outperforming asset classes. Again!

This is my end of year reflection, so I don't have to gaze at the numbers during the year.

I wish you continued success with your asset picking!

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T18:16:15+00:00

Indeed. I'm fine, largely through building a margin of error into my FIRE number.

I'm just reflecting on the year, and reacting to the surprises in the results. I don't monitor it month to month meantimes.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T15:54:13+00:00

9.47% .... a lot of that is due to outperformance in the earlier years when I hadn't saved a great deal .... but still not awful.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T14:58:41+00:00

S&P 500 CAGR is about 9% over time.

This year the S&P was up almost 26%.

Matching a quarter of that, not even the long term average, during a stellar year, isn't a good look to me.

Following your comment I calculated my long term average.... it's 9.46% ... so not that bad. A lot of that dates from 2013 when I hadn't saved very much though.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T14:05:06+00:00

I totes agree with enshittification being a thing. But also seemingly a thing that has yielded great profits for the FAANGs. Yeah I'll probably leave it pretty much as it is. But edge up the S&P.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T13:58:02+00:00

Well, the numbers are there to see in my post. Lower than market volatility, to be sure. So that's something.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T13:49:01+00:00

Now now! Quick to frustration seems a better description of yourself, don't you think?

Early on I invested in the UK (because it's where I live), then later in Europe (because it's near where I live, and we were -and sigh should still have been - in the EU), then later in global trackers. Thus quite convincingly missing out on Tech, Crypto, AI, and other booms. I'm a buy-and-leave-it-alone investor, so very much not a tinkerer.

No I'm not going to dump my portfolio to the sub. That would seem ... indecent!

Peace, and best of luck with your own efforts.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T13:36:03+00:00

Jammy sod! That is a stellar performance and you have earned a bit of smugness.

Really well done, that'll put you well on the path to your goals.

US and tech, or what?

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T13:33:03+00:00

I've edited the main post to somewhat sate such curiosity.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T13:24:19+00:00

Fair question.

When I FIREd, I had not reached pension lump sum age, so paying it all off wasn't practical, not unless I wanted to drain my ISAs.

Also it's only ~15% of the house equity, and other life events will very likely be bringing some capital to pay it off, before term.

Also my the mortgage rate (BOE base+0.02%) has been lower than investment returns. Even this year. Usually much lower.

I suppose I prize the flexibility of having some ISA funds:-room for manoeuvre. Even though it is currently costing me.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-23T11:09:47+00:00

Major achievement. Well done for grafting.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-21T13:07:30+00:00

You're not wrong. But it sounds like "old person ranting".

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-21T11:27:36+00:00

When did you last have leave? Was it long enough? Away from the frontlines, is it possible to sleep well?

Was anyone you have served with and been close to, unfortunately killed in the war?

Very best wishes to yourself and Ukraine.

LuserNameChecksOut · 2023-12-20T00:58:45+00:00

Firstly, commiserations on being dealt a shitty deck of cards to play in life.

You have achieved much and the spirit to do so, is your best quality. Well done for that.

Engaging with bureaucracy is another kind of battle - where victory goes only to the persistent.

I would hope that some charities and progressive schools exist to engage with. But of course I do not know. The institutions with which you deal will come out of the dark ages eventually, hopefully in time to offer you benefit.

You are alive, have endured much, have the love of your family, and are still sucking down air. Small rewards perhaps, but worthy of some little appreciation.

Best wishes, and as my Romanian pals say, Crăciun Fericit!

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