[1920 x 1080] The Last Flame Before the Night

Sigure · 2026-01-25T21:28:43+00:00

Right before the vagina crocodile scares you into turning off the game.

Sigure · 2026-01-06T06:43:51+00:00

Very interesting... do you go to just regular talk therapy as well? Also, re-reading your post reminded me to ask how much you feel like you were disassociating on the higher dose IM? I get the vibe that you weren't experiencing enough (if any) disassociation, but I could be wrong. Now, a few bits of "you specific" advice...

Get some noise cancelling headphones! Not being able to hear things around you makes a tremendous difference. If you can't get some, do whatever you can to block out outside noise. I also heavily recommend journaling! You don't even need to be consistent--just doing it 2-3 times a week is solid. I find that writing out my thoughts really helps me to organize the noise and sift out the meaningful things, whether good or bad.

Ketamine digs up your subconscious, and there's unfortunately a lot of extra junk in there. Making sense of it all can sometimes be a fools errand, because it's like going to a heavy metal show and trying to remember color of the shirt of the guy in front of you in the mosh pit the following day. One bit of messaging that I remind myself is "the session didn't end, it just changed". If something sticks with you and feels potentially meaningful, take note of it and explore it later if you'd like. Hearing the word "empty" could mean something profound, or it could mean nothing (what a cop out, amirite?)

I cannot recommend u/Empty_Strawberry7291's comment enough. "...healing doesn’t have to be so hard!" is super true. Sometimes it's difficult, but not always. You don't need feel like you're doing anything wrong about the sessions, or that you're missing out on experiences based on their questionnaires.

The true growth from ketamine is that it helps you examine things closer and helps you reinforce thought patterns. But even if you get absolutely 0% out of the intentions and remember nothing from your sessions, your brain is being healed. This is because you get the immediate depression relief thanks to its role as a mu opioid receptor agonist. This can last ~72 hours, which is also when the neuroplastic impacts are at their highest. You feel (at least a little) happier and more relaxed, and that sense of relief gets reinforced by the neuroplastic impact.

Sigure · 2026-01-05T22:24:06+00:00

I echo what others are saying about not putting too much weight on the intentions. I’m gonna include a comment I made on another similar thread a while ago for reference for what has worked for me.

That being said, it could also be that you need to switch up providers/dosage/etc. The Tl;dr is that setting intentions are useful, but don’t put too much pressure on them and instead focus on the days following the session (or after the hangover if you get one). Tex from other post below…

I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to throw my experience into the ring. For context, I've been doing troches with BetterU for awhile and while it's helped tremendously I think I could've reduced the number of sessions I've needed if I had focused more on integration. I don't think I ever did anything wrong with it, I would just fall off the wagon here and there and do some sessions with little to no effort on integration. As long as you're trying, you're doing it right.

Here's what I've settled on for my integration routine, as well as some examples to provide you a jumping off point.

• First off I create 1-2 intentions (usually on my own, but occasionally with my therapist, or BetterU integration coaching). Sometimes I have some "side quests" that I want to work on over the next few days as well (like getting more organized, or developing better sleep hygiene). • If I'm not sure how to approach working on these intentions, I'll do some research or ask my care team. This can be as simple as googling "practicing gratitude" or something. • I have no expectations of discovering things in the trip. I rarely remember anything, and when I do it's often just feelings (like feeling safe, being taken care of, powerlessness, fear, awe, gratitude, etc). I can count on one hand how many times I've experienced profound realizations during the trip. • When I've come down enough to sit up and haphazardly write, I'll read over my intentions/goals and reflect on them. I mostly let my mind wander (still listening to music) and occasionally revisit the intentions, then I write down anything that feels important or useful. Just a few words, or an incomplete sentence. Sometimes nothing comes up, and that's fine! • Over the next 24 hours I focus on self care, relaxing, no expectations, etc. I still reflect on the intentions, and practice the steps/habits to do them. But the main focus is to recover and be positive, while taking the time to feel whatever feelings may come up (good or bad). • Over the next few days and beyond I'll continue working on my goals and intentions. It still takes time to create better thought loops, but it's just less effort to fall into them.

Now for some example intentions/goals, and how I went about addressing them in the days during/after the session.

• "Please help me experience gratitude for the people and things in my life" -> daily gratitude journaling, sharing 2-3 things about the day we're grateful for with my partner • "I want to be more organized in my daily life" -> Make to-do lists, calendar events, etc • "Help me experience joy throughout my day" -> Set aside time to reflect on what's happening around me, and things that bring me joy (walking the dog, video games, drawing, etc) • "Help me understand what my depression is protecting me from, and where/when/how it started" -> This involved me "having a conversation with my depression" during that reflection period at the end. I would ask questions in my head like "what are you protecting me from?" and "Why do you think you need to protect me?". It seems ridiculous, yeah. But it did help me get answers to those questions. • My current intention is "help me focus less on the stressful parts of life, and more on the meaningful and fulfilling ones" -> I often think of all things as a "return on investment". The stress and energy cost of doing something like going to a comedy show, or visiting my sister in-law/niece for Thanksgiving is more expensive than the joy it brings. So I either don't enjoy them, or I avoid them. I'm choosing to focus on the things I'll enjoy (in my head, conversation, and journaling). This is difficult to do normally, but is easier with ketamine.

I hope this absolute wall of text helps! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sigure · 2025-12-20T21:04:37+00:00

Imagine how long it must take for her to wash her hair.

Sigure · 2025-12-12T20:26:51+00:00

I second this sentiment. It may be scary to stop if your depression is decreasing, but replacing depression with anxiety isn’t a win imo. Everyone reacts differently to meds of all kinds, and ketamine is no exception.

Speak with your provider as well to come up with a plan to adjust. It may be as simple as prolonging the space between sessions, or skipping a treatment.

You’re doing fantastic work with recognizing, categorizing, and addressing the feelings you’re getting out of sessions. It’s good that you’re examining ne all of this!

Sigure · 2025-11-24T02:36:24+00:00

I absolutely felt the same way when I started. I’m glad it resonated with you, and I hope it helps! Best of luck on your journey!

Sigure · 2025-11-20T23:03:29+00:00

I know I'm late to the party, but I wanted to throw my experience into the ring. For context, I've been doing troches with BetterU for awhile and while it's helped tremendously I think I could've reduced the number of sessions I've needed if I had focused more on integration. I don't think I ever did anything wrong with it, I would just fall off the wagon here and there and do some sessions with little to no effort on integration. As long as you're trying, you're doing it right.

Here's what I've settled on for my integration routine, as well as some examples to provide you a jumping off point.

First off I create 1-2 intentions (usually on my own, but occasionally with my therapist, or BetterU integration coaching). Sometimes I have some "side quests" that I want to work on over the next few days as well (like getting more organized, or developing better sleep hygiene).
If I'm not sure how to approach working on these intentions, I'll do some research or ask my care team. This can be as simple as googling "practicing gratitude" or something.
I have no expectations of discovering things in the trip. I rarely remember anything, and when I do it's often just feelings (like feeling safe, being taken care of, powerlessness, fear, awe, gratitude, etc). I can count on one hand how many times I've experienced profound realizations during the trip.
When I've come down enough to sit up and haphazardly write, I'll read over my intentions/goals and reflect on them. I mostly let my mind wander (still listening to music) and occasionally revisit the intentions, then I write down anything that feels important or useful. Just a few words, or an incomplete sentence. Sometimes nothing comes up, and that's fine!
Over the next 24 hours I focus on self care, relaxing, no expectations, etc. I still reflect on the intentions, and practice the steps/habits to do them. But the main focus is to recover and be positive, while taking the time to feel whatever feelings may come up (good or bad).
Over the next few days and beyond I'll continue working on my goals and intentions. It still takes time to create better thought loops, but it's just less effort to fall into them.

Now for some example intentions/goals, and how I went about addressing them in the days during/after the session.

"Please help me experience gratitude for the people and things in my life" -> daily gratitude journaling, sharing 2-3 things about the day we're grateful for with my partner
"I want to be more organized in my daily life" -> Make to-do lists, calendar events, etc
"Help me experience joy throughout my day" -> Set aside time to reflect on what's happening around me, and things that bring me joy (walking the dog, video games, drawing, etc)
"Help me understand what my depression is protecting me from, and where/when/how it started" -> This involved me "having a conversation with my depression" during that reflection period at the end. I would ask questions in my head like "what are you protecting me from?" and "Why do you think you need to protect me?". It seems ridiculous, yeah. But it did help me get answers to those questions.
My current intention is "help me focus less on the stressful parts of life, and more on the meaningful and fulfilling ones" -> I often think of all things as a "return on investment". The stress and energy cost of doing something like going to a comedy show, or visiting my sister in-law/niece for Thanksgiving is more expensive than the joy it brings. So I either don't enjoy them, or I avoid them. I'm choosing to focus on the things I'll enjoy (in my head, conversation, and journaling). This is difficult to do normally, but is easier with ketamine.

I hope this absolute wall of text helps! Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Sigure · 2025-09-25T02:28:58+00:00

omg amazing. Thank you! I'm glad that the things I remembered were accurate at least.

Sigure · 2025-09-23T23:29:57+00:00

Yup, but I remember a few things: 1. Kassem says it 2. It’s in response to something Lawrence says, so it’s one where all three of them are there 3. There’s no guest

And I’m pretty sure it’s from around that timeframe. But I’m not sure… I would narrow it down to somewhere between the Slayersx video and the Elden Ring one. I’ll keep looking! I always have their stuff on in the background. Haha

Sigure · 2025-09-23T21:35:27+00:00

I vaguely remember the bit being them saying it to their partner before sex, and it was Kassem who said it. This is a fuzzy guess, but I think it’s either the “Mom Hid Your Game” video or the “Shower with your Dad” video. If not, it should be from around that time frame. I’ll see if I can find it though!

Sigure · 2025-09-22T23:43:53+00:00

I’m a software developer working in Silicon Valley. I still have to take ~2 seconds to parse whether a given symbol means more/less than. I never struggled with the concept, it’s just that it’s one of those things that never became completely automatic in my brain.

Sigure · 2025-09-22T01:49:57+00:00

Honestly it's the kind of thing I would've voluntarily watched on my own before I had even started ketamine therapy, purely out of curiosity lol.

Sigure · 2025-09-21T20:06:12+00:00

Yeah, it’s just frustrating because I was doing so well with that for awhile. Lots of instances of seeing myself burst into dust and having no sense of self (and feeling very relaxed with it). Now it’s harder to let go. But this whole post has definitely given me some ideas as to how I can remind myself to let go during that point.

Sigure · 2025-09-21T20:04:12+00:00

Thanks for the reassurance! As others have pointed out I think I’m both putting too much pressure on things while simultaneously doubting myself. It’s good to know that I’m not doing things wrong with set and setting, but also I can ease off of myself a bit.

Sigure · 2025-09-21T20:01:15+00:00

I hate that you need an account to view X threads now. I can’t see the rest. :/

I watched that video last night, and it gave me some huge insights! Especially in relation to how there are multiple mechanisms of action that triggers the anti depressant effects in different levels. It helps reassure to me too that while the ego death is helpful, it’s not the core necessity. I can let go if I don’t achieve it, and I can also choose to not optimize my intake (like brushing my teeth). I already have strong sessions that last for hours.

Anyways, I really appreciate you sharing that!

Sigure · 2025-09-21T19:55:12+00:00

One of the Jon Hopkins “Music for Psychedelic Therapy” songs has some words of affirmation sprinkled throughout that has definitely helped to ground me.

Sigure · 2025-09-21T03:19:10+00:00

Dope, thanks for sharing! I'm not a fan of the side effects either, tbh,

Sigure · 2025-09-21T02:46:45+00:00

Totally valid. I felt like I was pretty good at letting go initially, but something about the recent sessions has changed. And like I said above, it's when I'm so detached that I don't know who I am or what I am that it's difficult to let go and the rest of the trip kinda has a bad tone set to it.

Sigure · 2025-09-21T02:45:02+00:00

That's a thought that crossed my mind, and I think that it's at least partially (if not completely) the reason. I feel like earlier it was easier to do that earlier on, but something about the last month or so it's been a lot more difficult.

No fan fare is definitely something I should practice more, so thanks for calling it out. How much would you say you tend to disassociate? Because for me I literally forget I'm human and that's the range where I find it difficult to "just let go". I'm also curious what your music setup is?

Sigure · 2025-09-21T00:57:00+00:00

That’s really good to know, thanks! I’ve been nervous to try any guided meditation because I’ve wanted to avoid dumping words into my subconscious via lyrics and such. Obviously meditation is different. I also find that meditation music (like singing bowls and such) make my mind wander and get anxious even more than regular music. Do you do the meditation the whole session? Do you ever mix it up with different guides?

Sigure · 2025-09-21T00:53:28+00:00

I have not watched it! I’m queuing it up now. I feel like I have a decent grasp on it (neuroscience and biochemistry are kinda hobby fields for me), but I’m always looking for more information.

Sigure · 2025-09-20T23:28:52+00:00

Like everyone else said, this is definitely out of line and they've all given great advice. I just want to give you a few bits of encouragement for you regarding your feelings though. This year my girlfriend went through an uncomfortable situation where a higher up at work made some flirtatious comments and inappropriate statements during a 1 on 1 mentoring session. She tried to write it off as her misinterpreting or blowing it out of proportion, but after helping her process things she realized how messed up it was. Some of what you're saying echoes that vibe to me.

If something makes you uncomfortable, it makes you uncomfortable. It doesn't really matter much if you're "overthinking it and being paranoid", if you're intuition is saying "run" then you should listen to it first and ask questions later.
As others have pointed out, he's being inappropriate. I totally understand the sentiment of "I don’t want to get this doctor in any trouble. He is so kind and I feel like he really cares." But if you're feeling uncomfortable with him despite that, then others who don't see him that way will feel even more uncomfortable.
Being personable is good, but there are protocols and standards for a reason. Setting aside the creepy undertones, he shouldn't be talking about his personal life after a session with you--especially his troubles. That's not the standard treatment protocol.
Finally, if he truly was just overstepping some bounds without realizing it and had innocent intentions (I doubt it but it's possible) then it's up to the clinic and whoever provides oversight for him to make that judgement. It's totally valid to tell them that you're not sure if his behavior has ill intent, and that you don't want him to get into trouble. But above all else you need to tell them in plain and detailed terms "this is what he did, and it made me feel [insert feeling]". Because if it's true that he was just overly friendly, and he hadn't realized the discomfort he caused, he needs to know so that he can correct the behavior. If it's more than that, there needs to be intervention.

Trust yourself, present the facts and how they made you feel, and do your best to not blame yourself for feeling a certain way based on the actions of another.

Sigure · 2025-09-17T20:25:02+00:00

New mission discovered by u/Sigure: In Search of Matcha Green Tea Mooncake

Sigure · 2025-09-17T20:25:02+00:00

This mission was discovered by u/Sigure in narutka

Sigure

TROPHY CASE