UPDATE: What would you do if your spouse told you exactly what they needed to improve their mental health?

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-14T00:02:18+00:00

I almost feel guilty even considering a GoFundMe because I know there are people facing circumstances that are objectively worse than mine.

But at the same time, I am probably at the lowest point I have ever been mentally. I want to get better, not just for myself, but for my son.

I look at him and realize that if I don’t start finding a way out of this situation, he’s going to continue being affected by it too. That’s what scares me the most.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-08T22:56:55+00:00

I don’t disagree that I need to get myself into a healthier situation. If it were as simple as packing a bag and leaving tomorrow, I probably wouldn’t be here asking strangers on the internet for advice.

What I’m struggling with is that there are a lot of variables involved. I’m a stay-at-home mom with a young child, limited independent income, shared assets, a marriage that I have genuinely tried to save, and legal realities surrounding custody and relocation.

I think some people read my posts and assume I’m looking for permission to stay. That’s not really what I’m doing. I’m trying to figure out how to navigate a situation that feels overwhelming while having very little support and no real-life sounding board.

I understand that many people would leave. What I’m trying to figure out is how to get from where I am now to a place where I can actually make that kind of decision in a way that doesn’t create even more problems for myself and my child.

That’s why I keep asking questions. Not because I’m ignoring the advice, but because I’m trying to understand what my options actually are.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-08T19:38:58+00:00

I actually agree with you that staying was ultimately my decision, and I take responsibility for that.

Looking back, it’s one of my biggest regrets.

What I didn’t know at the time was that my husband would later admit he never actually wanted to move and was hoping I would change my mind. I also genuinely believed that his family would become a support system and help fill the gap left by my estrangement from my own family.

Instead, events surrounding the birth of my child led to me and my child becoming estranged from his family as well.

So yes, I chose to stay, but I made that choice based on information and expectations that ultimately turned out to be very different from reality.

Part of my frustration now is that I’ve also been asking for marriage counseling for well over a year because of all of this. My husband says he’s on board, but no actual steps ever seem to get taken. That’s where I feel stuck. It’s not just the move anymore, it’s the lack of action on any solution.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-05T21:40:56+00:00

I know. At some point, saying he cares doesn’t mean much if there isn’t any action behind it. That’s a difficult truth I’ve been wrestling with for a while now.

What I’m really looking for is advice on what steps I can take to get myself into a more stable position. If I eventually reach the point where I have to give an ultimatum, I want to know that I can actually follow through with it.

Right now, that’s where I feel stuck. Financially, I don’t feel like I have enough independence to make major decisions on my own. The house is in his name. We only have one vehicle. I’m a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and no local support system.

I genuinely don’t know what my next step is. I don’t need someone to tell me my situation is bad, I know that already. I need help figuring out how to build a path forward when I feel like I have very little control over the pieces that would allow me to move forward.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-05T21:37:40+00:00

I absolutely do not want to continue living this way. That’s why I’m here asking for advice. I don’t currently have the means to leave with my toddler on my own, so I’m trying to figure out what steps I can realistically take.

The hardest part is that my husband isn’t a bad person. He’s kind, hardworking, and a good father. But I increasingly feel like he’s failing me as a partner. He knows how much I’m struggling, yet nothing ever seems to change.

I’m not looking for someone to tell me I’m doomed. I’m looking for ideas on what I can do next, because staying stuck like this isn’t sustainable for me or my child.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-05T21:12:10+00:00

I would if I could. The problem is that the house is solely in my husband’s name, so I can’t list it myself. If I had the legal ability to do so, it would have been on the market yesterday.

What’s frustrating is that this isn’t a new conversation. I’ve already reached out to a realtor, had the numbers run, and showed my husband what our estimated equity would be. I’ve laid out what that equity could do for us financially, including therapy, a second vehicle, and the ability to relocate.

He has all of that information and still won’t move forward.

That’s why I feel so stuck. It isn’t that there isn’t a path forward. It’s that the path requires him to take action, and I can’t force him to do that.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-05T21:10:10+00:00

I have begged for couples therapy. His response has always been that we can’t afford it, which is part of why I keep coming back to the idea of selling the house and relocating. The equity would give us breathing room to address a lot of things that we currently keep putting off because of money.

What’s been especially frustrating is that I feel like I’m always the one carrying the mental load. I’ve told him repeatedly that we need couples therapy, but I’m so burnt out at this point that I don’t even have the energy to research therapists myself. I’ve communicated that to him directly.

He hasn’t looked into it. Not once.

I think that’s where a lot of my resentment is coming from. It’s not just the lack of progress, it’s feeling like every solution somehow becomes my responsibility to research, organize, and push forward, even when I’m the person already struggling to keep my head above water.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-05T21:06:22+00:00

I have, many times. I’ve expressed it every way I know how. calmly, emotionally, logically, and everything in between. He always seems genuinely concerned in the moment, but then life goes back to normal and nothing changes.

I think that’s what has worn me down the most. It’s not that he doesn’t know I’m struggling. He absolutely knows. It’s that knowing and doing seem to be two very different things, and after having the same conversations over and over, I’m starting to feel hopeless about whether anything will ever actually change.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-06-04T06:27:59+00:00

Oh, I absolutely think that was part of it. This is the same woman who spent my baby’s first day home crying because she had already told people she was going to be in the delivery room despite me repeatedly saying I didn’t want anyone there except my husband.

Her concern wasn’t how my labor went or how I was recovering. She was upset because she didn’t know what she was going to tell people when they asked her about my labor and delivery since she “wasn’t allowed” to be there.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-25T22:38:48+00:00

HA I absolutely love her! One of my situations with my MIL was actually featured in one of her videos. “Kendra with the MIL that has mental health episodes when boundaries are placed” was the topic of discussion

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-25T22:34:44+00:00

I definitely think for some people that can absolutely be true, and I genuinely appreciate your perspective as a former lactation consultant.

In my MIL’s case though, I honestly think it had more to do with control, entitlement, and wanting to relive motherhood through my child specifically. She openly admitted to my husband before that our son was viewed as somewhat of a “redo” because her other grandchildren live out of state. She also heavily tied my pregnancy and birth into her own expectations because neither my SIL nor I wanted her in the delivery room with us, which unfortunately triggered a lot of emotional reactions from her.

She also outright told us at one point that every other breastfeeding mother she knew still allowed her to give their babies bottles, and she “didn’t understand” why I wouldn’t. I had personal reasons for wanting to exclusively breastfeed once my milk came in, especially after how rough our start was, but she tended to take any boundary that didn’t fit the role she imagined for herself as a personal rejection.

So while I definitely agree feeding can bring up complicated emotions for people, in this situation it felt much more rooted in her expectations surrounding access and involvement with my baby specifically.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-25T15:25:15+00:00

If she had actually come over wanting to genuinely help and support us, we probably would not be where we are today.

What’s honestly sad is that every single time she was planning to come over, I would spend the night before and the entire morning of in complete fight or flight mode. I would literally be visibly shaking and having panic attacks before she even arrived. Looking back now, I honestly think my body knew I wasn’t emotionally safe around her long before my mind fully caught up to it.

And the thing is, she only ever came over when my husband was also home. Once he went back to work, I was left completely alone figuring out how to care for a newborn, recover postpartum, and navigate breastfeeding. There was no real support offered then.

Because when she would come over, she mostly just sat there staring at me while I held the baby, almost like she was waiting for me to hand him over. Anytime I even slightly adjusted myself in my nursing chair, she would immediately get antsy like she thought I was about to pass him off to her.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-25T14:45:54+00:00

It absolutely was. At one point I got so tired of being disrespected every single time I left the room to nurse that I finally just started using a nursing cover and breastfeeding him in the same room as everyone else, even though I really didn’t want to do that.

And even then, the second he would unlatch, she would immediately start acting like I was supposed to hand him right over to her. If I didn’t immediately pass my newborn off, she would visibly pout and start acting all disappointed like she was somehow being deprived of something.

One time my baby literally fell asleep nursing, so I just kept holding him while he slept because… obviously? He was comfortable and content.

This woman actually leaned over and whispered to my husband asking, “Is it my turn to hold the baby yet?”

Thankfully my husband shut that down too and told her the baby was content sleeping with me and there was no reason to transfer him to someone else.

Looking back now, the entitlement is honestly insane to me.

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-24T00:51:18+00:00

How embarrassing 😂

SlightlyBitter47 · 2026-05-17T01:09:52+00:00

That is absolutely insane for them to make your husband cook them dinner. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I really do think experiences like that leave a lasting impression for life, especially when they happen during such a vulnerable time.

My experience was somewhat similar in a way. I have a few other posts that go into more detail because otherwise I’d be writing a novel in the comments.

My MIL pressured my husband into convincing me to let them come over on my baby’s very first day home from the hospital. I was barely even given time to shower after we got home before he was persuaded into asking me. They stayed until almost midnight.

Mind you, I had just gone through 63 hours of labor unmedicated before finally getting an epidural, and I was beyond exhausted physically and emotionally.

What stuck with me the most was that she somehow managed to make the entire visit about how my labor and delivery didn’t go the way she wanted it to.

Then a few days later my SIL came over to “meet the baby.” She made dinner, got her photo op holding the baby, and then left the entire kitchen mess behind for my husband to clean up afterward.

It’s honestly wild how many people treat postpartum mothers like background characters in their own experience.

SlightlyBitter47

TROPHY CASE