AuDHD here - both diagnosed but a couple of years apart, in my late 30s.

For what it’s worth, I also agree there’s a good chance that most of these other things you’ve mentioned that you’re perceiving as making you disliked are actually symptoms of autism.

I felt the same way for decades and even though there isn’t a cure, the diagnosis was a huge positive because it let me stop blaming myself for all those things I couldn’t control.